Bump

I'm doing okay.

Waiting to hear from a job I applied to. It is still a night job, I want a day job, but this will give me experience to get me a better position. Just another stepping stone for me, maybe a day position will open up and I could transfer if I get this job.

My marriage, well, it is not progressing, at least not for me. I know I am partly to blame for that. I am not trying any more. He is not giving me what I want, just playing games, I don't have time or energy to play games.

I don't know if I want to try. I am at a point where I need to evaluate what I want from this marriage. I know I have mentioned I've been here before, but each time, I decide to make it work. Right now I lean more and more towards disolving this marraige. Alot of it has to do with WH, still calls this home, but he stays at his dads(or is he at his dads?) I don't know where he is for sure. He says he will be back and this his his home, but is it? If he really wanted to be here, he would be. That is what I think.

You don't talk (let your feelings out) like you used to, I still worry.

It doesn't sound like there is much marriage left. He has to know he is tearing things down. Doesn't he?

Maybe he doesn't think you are serious?

Still praying for you, still wishing you well.

SS

Sue I feel compelled to write at this point. I've been following your story for a long time, hoping for some kind of closure, for your sake. Your last post is sadly, very similar to what you were posting over 2 years ago. I understand obligations and school had to be priorities to be realistic about leaving, and I'm not even saying, why haven't you left yet, I'm saying if you still, all this time have this heartache, it CAN'T be good for your health. Maybe I'm wrong, and others who have divorced will tell me it's normal to grieve a dying marriage long before you split, and that makes sense, but I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you've been going through for soo long. I don't pray as much as I should but next time I do, I'll remember you.

Hi SS,

I know I don't talk about my feelings much if at all. There isn't much to talk about, feelings wise. I don't give the affair much thought, I don't cry any more, or not much. An occasional cry here and there, for the most part, I live my life the way I want to, and to heck with him.

WH, states he is staying at his dads to help him out. Is he telling the truth? I dont' know. Maybe, maybe not. He keeps refering to this as home. Is it?

Does he have a clue, probably not. WH is the type that is so full of himself that he cannot fathom that someone would dump him. He is so possitive that I will stay indefinitely.

I know it looks that way to some, right now, I just deal with life as it comes and live my life my way. Sometimes I forget I am married when it comes to making decisions that I should include him in on.

Cabbage - thanks for your concern and input, heartach, not much left of that. You can only hurt someone if they let you. I don't let him hurt me any longer. I'm a great wall builder. I'm not even sure if I love him anymore. I think I do, but I cannot answer with all certainty.

WH has to have surgery, went to the dr for a pre-surgery physical, surgery is postponed, WH may have a heart blockage. More test will be done to determine if he does or not. 37 years old, and he has medical conditions normally associated with older people. I know this know no age limitations, but he still seems so young.

JUST GOT A NEW JOB OFFER. Slight increase in pay. Not a huge one, but better than what I currently make. Day hours, in a clinic setting. Sometimes I will be working long days, until early evening hours, but then I will have some short days in there.

Good for you, it's nice to have options.

I hope your H will be OK, in more ways than one.
He needs the help, perhaps more than you do. At least you are going the right direction, but we don't know about him.

We hope this job is a step in the right direction. Are you going to take it?

Now, about ice cream - what do you think?

Choclate, vanilla, or strawberry?

SS

SS
I like them all, how about neopolatine (sp?). My favorite is the one with little english toffee bits in it. (except at christmas, then I switch to the one with the peppermint bits).

Yes, I am taking the job. I also interviewed for a positions that paid even better, I don't think I got that one. Just because they were looking for more experience than I had. It was my strong office background why they interviwed me. That one pays even better, has set hours during the day.

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: SwH ]</small>

My W likes the toffee bits one too, but I got her a new Hagan Daz chocolate/rasberry one for V day.

Way to go about the job. I see you making life better and better. I know there are still things to deal with, but I see you improving much of the things that troubled you before.

All the best to you, glad you talk to Ginger.

SS

I've been at my new job for about two weeks now, maybe it has been three weeks. So far I like it. The hours are not the greatest, at least it is during the day again.

Hi Sue,

I have to think working days is better for your family life.

I went back and found this -

An occasional cry here and there, for the most part, I live my life the way I want to, and to heck with him.

This does not sound like a recipe for a happy married life. Not casting blame, but thinking about it. It almost made me cry that it is coming to this. I kept thinking he would get it.

I know life is busy, but you are missed. Hope the kids are having a good year.

SS

<small>[ March 22, 2005, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Here it is.

This new site is tough at first, but you'll get used to it.

SS

Hi,

I think I finally got this new site figured out. Hopefully.

Anyway, life is better in my home.

H is around more, more affectionate, loving and even understanding. (I'm trying to understand the last one) But enjoying it just the same.

Life is still chaotic.

Job is going okay. I hate mandation. It is not safe to be mandated, especially two days in a row.

Looking for a different job that does not have mandation. I know there are several hospitals and even nursing homes athat don't have mandation.

yes, it finally worked, I was finally able to reply to a post even if it was my own.

Sorry, I get excited over little things (giggle, giggle)

SwH, I haven't posted to you before, but find myself wondering what the perfect job for you would be.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but it seems, from your posts, that you're almost always looking for another job. And, you're so tired all the time, according to your posts, and you often sound so depressed.

I really feel badly for you. Could it be possible that you're redirecting what energy you have toward finding other jobs instead of actually dealing with the problems in your marriage?

LC

It sounds like you are doing well. I suspect the job you have is better than the one you had, plus school.

I suspect you won't be needing MB much any more. Wishing you all the best.

SS

To Lady Clueless,

You probably misunderstood my tiredness for depression. I AM NOT DEPRESSED. I'm tired of people assuming I am in denial because I have a different coping mechanism than others.

I am tired because my job is too demanding and I dont' think our union will be able to change it.


The last payperiod I worked over 100 hours, most people who have full time jobs have 4 days off a payperiod. I ahd three. I did not have a choice but to work when mandated, refusal to work mandation means verbal warning for the 1st refusal, written warning for the second refusal, 1 day suspension for the 3rd refusal, 5 days suspension for the 4th refusal and termination for the 5th refusal. Now, considering I get mandated at least 1x per pay period, sometimes more, how long will it be before I am terminated. So, I guess I am just too picky and want the "perfect job". Maybe I want a job that will allow me a life beside the ability to earn an income.

Maybe I want a job that offers me the opportunity to provide safe nursing care without fear of losing my license. If I make a mistake because I am tired. That mistake could cost the life of someones loved one. Of course I am too picky and looking for the "perfect Job".

My belief is, because 1/3 of my day is spent at my job, I should be albe to leave it, and leave it behind so I can be the best wife and mother I am able to do, without my job interfering in my life outside of my job. You realize that most people spend 1/3 of their day working, 1/3 sleeping and the last third is divided between housework, kids, and spouse. That last third is spread thin
As far as FWH, yes, I believe he is FWH now, he has been helping me a great deal around the house and with the kids. He is home more than ever.

I still don't know how you gals do it. My MIL is a nurse (mostly retired now) and she did it with 6 kids at home after her D.

I think you ought to keep looking until you find something more family friendly. MIL worked for a large hospital, and she did the usual all hours shifts in OB, and emergency. Finally she went to same day surgery, and normal days. It worked out well for her.

I hope it gets better for you, but you (as you always have) will probably have to make it work.

Glad your home life is better, I worried about that for so long.

Hope the kids are well.

SS

When I post, I don't know for sure where it will be, I don't belong on "Just found out" any more.

My post will be more of an informational update to those I know who generally care.

And for those who only have negative comments, judgemental decisions and for those who find it necessary to decide my emotional state based upon what they feel I should be feeling, rather than those who truly know what I am feeling, please refrain from posting. I don't want negativity on my threat. I've said it before and I will say it again.

I told FWH I don't think he should start a thread here because emotionally he is fragile, a state he is normally not in and I don't want the negative people beating up on him. I don't want those BS's to be dumping their feelings of what their spouses did to them and using him as a victim.

I know there are some very kind hearted souls on MB who would actually try to be helpful, and those would be welcome. However, how do you keep the others away before the damage can be done.

When I post, I don't know for sure where it will be, I don't belong on "Just found out" any more.

You can post where ever you want, but GQII gets more traffic. You could go to recovery, but it is not nearly as busy.

My post will be more of an informational update to those I know who generally care.

Not many still post that were regulars when you and I came to the boards.

And for those who only have negative comments, judgemental decisions and for those who find it necessary to decide my emotional state based upon what they feel I should be feeling, rather than those who truly know what I am feeling, please refrain from posting. I don't want negativity on my threat. I've said it before and I will say it again.

They usually don't read enough to get this part. And some of your friends may bounce you just for fun.

I told FWH I don't think he should start a thread here because emotionally he is fragile, a state he is normally not in and I don't want the negative people beating up on him. I don't want those BS's to be dumping their feelings of what their spouses did to them and using him as a victim.

So, has he been reading? That would be good, if he is that far along.

I know there are some very kind hearted souls on MB who would actually try to be helpful, and those would be welcome. However, how do you keep the others away before the damage can be done.

The boards are not the same........though I remember some pretty abrasive people from three years ago. There are so many now that it's hard to keep track.

I would welcome a big update from you, there is a lot I have wondered about. It looks like mostly good news though, and for that I am glad.

Still hoping the job situation improves for you.

Is H working steady now?

You have any trips planned for this year?

Ha, Ha, I haven't changed much, have I.

SS