My divorce has been final for about 2 weeks. I still get along with and talk with my W. She is severely depressed. She has come to realize that the fantasy is over. The "friends" she has made with her new life are dropping like flies. <P>The guys that gave her so much attention when she was seperated, now, don't come around so much. It's safer for men like this to bed women who are seperated, when thier divorced this is a much bigger risk of real commitment. <P>Real life is setting in big time. She is finding she has no time for our kids, and that they do not respect her. They are young, but not stupid. My W's lack of character of late, has bled into all facets of her life. It has taken time, but with no foundation the house is crumbling. Bills that cannot be paid, stuff that cannot be bought. <P>The problem is she isn't capable of sharing her thoughts, fears. This is major reason why our marriage has failed. She has gotten like this at times before, I come, I lift her up, I begin to hope. After she regains some stability, she abandons me again. The lies begin, her attentions are directed elsewhere. I am again left in the cold. I can't do it to myself anymore. I find myself not wanting to. Not out of anger, but because I don't want to live always giving and not receiving. This what her friends and family have done to her and she says it hurts, but that's what she does/has done to me. <P>For those of you out there that have not lost your love for your spouse, hang in there. The fantasy does come crashing down. Infidelity is wrong for a reason. When a person leaves their values at the door, they have nothing to govern their lives with. No foundations to build theirselves with. That denial of self can only last so long. Best of luck.<P>Eric32

Uh,...<P>Woohoo?<P>Too bad it took 'till divorce to happen.<BR>Keep your chin up Eric.<P>Happy Christmas!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Thanks Chris. You're right, it is unfortunate that it took the D to make this happen. If I had done it as a threat, maybe I still want to amke something happen. But, I always took everyones advice here, and didn't do it until it was needed. To be honest, I really didn't WANT it, but I was so araid that if she filed, she would file for sole custody of our kids. I could not let that happen. My chin is up now, I think I have gone through my "stages" for the most part, albeit still in limbo land abit. Don't know if I risk trying to help again or if I have really become apathetic. Looking at that now.<P>Eric32

hi eric, quick thought before work....<BR>If you reach out to her to help again, can you do it without being hurt when she pulls away? Sort of like dealing with a drug addict? YOu give and give, but you have to maintain a certain distance so you do not get hurt when they use again?

cl,<P>That's the problem. I don't know if I can do it again. Besides, she behaves as if I really am not the problem. She acts like, as far as we're concerned, the divorce is the okay part. She broken, but she has not really reached out to ME, Eric. Just seems to want someone. I am mad because she has never (even pre-affair) really given me the attention or admiration I think I deserve, or that a husband and friend deserve. <P>Eric32