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#441755 01/22/04 03:18 PM
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At this point I'm lucky to have a tv at all.We've lost all our movies,VCR,jewelry etc.in the pawn shops so we really don't have anything else.My dad wanted to give me a VCR but he doesn't trust my H.Basic cable is ok for the kids and so far I've maintained the bill but I'll do without if I have too.

#441756 01/22/04 03:48 PM
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I wish you could boot his sorry @$$! His is being so selfish it isn't even funny. It pains me to read about this sort of thing because I ignored my D a lot during my A. I could see my relationship with her going downhill and it started to really bother me. Not to mention I couldn't look my family members in the eye. The guilt began to really eat at me.

I'm amazed at how blatantly mean some people can be though. I would never imagine my H would stay with me if my behaviour was as blatant as your H's. I ended the A once I confessed it, and stopped going to chat rooms, got on an antidepressant, and went to counseling. I can only equate the chat rooms and affairs with addiction in my book.

At first (especially if you have insecurity issues) you get off on the high of having people flirt with you and say flattering things. Over time I began to notice the emptiness of it all, how these were faceless people that I NEVER physically interacted with. Yet, I had a H and family that cared about me deeply. It took some time for me to finally see what really mattered in my life.

Now i'm disgusting by all the cheesy come on lines men use. I still get hit on by married men in real life, but my experiences with the chat rooms has helped me realize they are all alike. I no longer thing I must be so special for him to approach me, I know see they want a piece of @$$ and that's it. Once they get what they want it's.... who's NEXT.

I wish I could shake someone like your H and get some sense into him. Unfortunately for you sweetie, you have to carry a lot of the burden of being an adult about the whole thing on your shoulders alone. Just remember your children are watching how you deal with this, try to be the good example to them and take good care of yourself too. In the end, you'll be better off and glad you took care of yourself. It might not seem like it now, but a lot of people who post here say it helps them tremendously to stop focusing on the cheater and take care of themselves.

Have you talked to your family about leaving him? Would they help you any?

#441757 01/22/04 04:05 PM
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My family consists of a step-dad and brother.They don't have the room for the four of us and all our things.I'm afraid my H would go into forcloser if I left.He didn't pay the house payments last time(2years ago when I left for 3 months due to a domestic violence situation,he was arrested and released).So I'm afraid of loosing our home.

#441758 01/23/04 04:54 AM
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Mand, sorry to hear what you are going through. I found out that husband was chatting the first of this month. I had noticed that when I would walk into the bedroom, he would always click the mouse. One day I came in unnoticed, seen the chat box up. I was seeing red, that I didn't really see the screen. I don't even remember what I said, if anything. He followed me out of the room, asking what? what? My reply at that point was your doing it again! 2nd time around for me. He walked back in the room. I gave only a few moments to him, and walked in saying, "Move your hand off the mouse!" I ask him who he was talking too. He admitted a girl. I told him to let me see the last posting. I knew it was written after he had gone back in the room. It said, "Got to go, just had a blowup with the wife" Boy, did that hit me wrong! Guess because it sounded as if it was my fought, that we were fixing to get into it! I had to go pick up our children from school in 15 mins. Was not really enough time for me to get started. I got the kids, knowing that he would most likely get back on while I was gone. (I don't think he did, because of things I did later.) On my way back home, I stopped off and bought a tape recorder. When I came in, I ask my 17 yr old to please take her brother into her bedroom and turn up the TV as much as needed to be. See she had seen him clicking the first time, and chatting. And she came to me, the 2nd time too. That was when I took action on what was going on. She knew we were going to talk. His reason was because of lack of communication between us. I assured him that would not be a problem today!! By the way, he hated the recorder being on...
I demanded his user ID, his password, and all the nicknames of the girls. Two were on his friends list, so not a problem. I logged on the first day as him, and only looked and copied all profiles that these girls gave. I questioned him about what was talked about and so on with each one. As part of my therapy, the second day. I logged on as him. Got some more information from one that was not told to me by him. Which included her phone#. As each one got to certain point in the conversation with me. I revealed who I was. It was good therapy for me. And let them know that he would not be online anymore, from my house. I also changed his password and gave a real profile while I was there.
I got on the internet and researched internet sex and phone sex. As it turns out, I could answer Yes to all the questions ask in a survey (pretending it was him answering) I printed the quiz and ask him to answer it. Needless to say, some that I said Yes too, he said No. I then told him why, I thought they should be Yes. After, communicating... this, he realized that he has a sex addiction. I have now deleted the messenger off our computer. I can't control him, but I can control what is causing our lack of communication! The cell phone that he was using was the company cell phone. And once again, I can't control him, but I will not allow the cell phone in my home. And if I find it here, I'll throw it as far as I can. Then let him explain what happened. If the messenger is ever downloaded on my computer again. I'll throw the computer out too. You might have noticed that everything is now mine! I'm willing to work on our marriage and talk out all the problems. But, at the same time, he has to get help for his sex addition. He said he was sorry for all the hurt he has caused. But, then I've heard that before. I'm now at the stage of what2donext. I don't think it is my move, but his.
I do think you should cut him off from his world as he knows it. If you are paying for everything anyway, you and the kids will be fine. He might not be. He is not thinking of you and the kids, so why should you be thinking of him? My hope is that you take care of you. Unless you take care of you, it's hard to take care of the kids needs. You will be in my thoughts.

#441759 01/23/04 08:42 AM
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He's already told me he won't stop chatting with his friends.He's the host of the chat room he created.I just don't understand how or why he wants other womens attention and when he talks to them he refers to me as his X.He doesn't let me on the computer or the kids even if they have homework.He's made this chat room a priority in his life.He's always in front of the computer,if he goes anywhere when he gets back he goes right to the computer.Like I've mentioned before I have no control with this situation.He would choose the chat over our marriage and I can't understand why.He's definatly addicted and I can't compete with this anymore.I know about these other women by the way he may mention them to me but they don't know about me.I do have evidence that when he talks about me I'm always his X.I don't understand this.Now within my self I'm having a hard time even showing him any affection,I feel resentment and I've never felt this before in the whole 18+ years we've been together.For the past two nights I haven't been going in his room to spend time with him or watch TV.I've just been doing whatever to stay away from him.Last night I went into his room to say goodnight,he said "what your going to bed?I thought you'd come in here and see me".I'm loosing it.I have no hope now.Especially when he's the one who's telling me it's too late but then he wants me at his convienience or when he's not chatting which is seldom.I'm now having heart problems and I honestly think it's because of all the stress he's put me through the past two years.I've allowed too much,I've trusted him too much.I can't do this anymore.It's literally killing me.My thoughts now are,when he starts working is he going to have an affair with someone off line.As he says he's perfectly capable.I've given this man my life,love,attention for so long how can he just do this.Sex isn't and never has been an issue with us,it's never been a problem.He's actually more "prude"than I am which makes me feel uncomfortable at times.He's a good talker though.I don't know what's going to happen to us from here on out but I thank God for all of you and your support.Thank you!

#441760 01/25/04 04:20 PM
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Well Friday night he was at his computer as usual and I walked into his room and I noticed he was chatting with someone on MSN.He got upset that I interupted him.All I asked him is if he wanted a cup of coffee since I was making some.He got short tempered instantly and said he was very busy.It amazes me how much of a priority that chat room is to him.Anyway,he brought to my attention a name of someone in the chat room "rocks-oki".His name is rockcandy in the chat room but everyone calls him "rock" so I wondered who oki was and I asked him.When he gets involved with someone it's always "rock-n-_____"on his computer somewhere and sometimes it's been "_______-n-rock",so I questioned it.He said it was no one that was just her name.I just have my suspitions especially when he made a comment 3 weeks ago there is a woman in Oklahoma he chats with.He told me I have nothing to worry about and that there is no one else.He's not in love with anyone.He is planning to move out when he gets a job.He said moving out would force him to take care of himself and loose weight and be the way he wants to be.He told me not to worry about him to just take care of myself and the girls(we have 3 daughters 9,11,16.His past behavior has put me on my guard.He would always get real "cocky"with me,like he didn't care about what and how I felt.Then I would find out there was someone else.They would stop talking then he'd be "normal" with me again.So that's why I think now there's someone else again because of his behavior and what he's saying to me.But he's definatly moving out he's being very adiment about it so I'm sure he's making plans to leave soon.He also mentioned that he can't stay because me and the kids stress him out too much.Me and the kids only see him for about 2 hours a day now.They go to school and I work full time,when we get home he's glued to the computer in his room so we don't see him much.How can we stress him out??? My honest feelings are he'll move out before summer that way he can have another summer of love and travel,just like last summer and the summer before.There's only going to be one difference this year though.I'm not going to be there when he gets back this time.I'm really trying to heal but I keep getting slapped in the face with something new.He couldn't answer me when I asked him why does he refer to me as his X when he talks to these people.I also stated if these women knew the truth that he wouldn't be getting the attention he does.I've never had to stick-up for myself like this in any relationship I've been in but that's been so long ago.I don't even know how.I would rather talk than argue and I think I've handled things quite well so far.When I talk to him about things he doesn't want to confront or answer he'll always bring up the domestic violence and how he doesn't want that to happen again and thats why he's moving.So that's his way of changing the subject or to deture him from answering.Sometimes I think he's even threatening me in a way but I'm not intimidated at all.If I was acting irrate or yelling I could see him reacting but when I confront him I'm calm,soft spoken or talking normal so there's no reason for him to get upset except about the subject we're talking about.Anyway he's told me he's moving out for himself so he can get his life together and live it the way he wants too,but not once did he mention the children except told me to take care of them.I give up.I wish him well

#441761 01/27/04 01:28 PM
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Dear Mand,

First of all let me say I am so sorry for all the pain your husband has put you through and is putting you through now. Your post broke my heart.. It really touched me and is the reason I joined the MB forum and am posting here today.

Your post struck a chord with me as I am the WW and I have done alot of what your husband is doing. I became addicted to online chatting and my life has never been the same since I started 5 years ago. It is a hell all its own and yet I know that the hell he has put you through is even worse. I wanted to write to you to try to explain how he may have gotten to this point where he 'seems' not to care about you any longer.

For me it started with the excitement of just talking to interesting friends, men and women alike.. It became so exciting for me especially since I am home all day. It became my life.. and I substituted time with my online friends for anything real in life.. Eventually I became intimately involved with different online men and then my life felt even more exciting as I was falling in love..or so it seemed. I became dependent on these men and craved time with them.. The relationships took on a life of their own and I began to live a double life. I was so deep into the fog ... I really felt my online life was so real and so important..The relationships with online men felt as real as my life with my husband only they were all fun and excitement at least at first.. At the same time the reality of life at home dulled in comparison.

Eventually though I began to want more and so did the men. We talked of meeting and making this more than just online. (Thankfully for my sake and the sake of my marriage, there was never anyone who made me feel as loved and as good as my husband did, and I never met any of the men real)..Even in our darkest days, I always knew I loved my husband much more than any man I had ever met online..and yet I couldnt bear the idea of giving up whichever online guy I was involved with at the time. It was a craving ..an addiction that made me feel I had to have this man in my life.. I felt as if my life would be dull and boring if I wasnt involved with someone online. I just didnt want to give up that which made my life seem something more than dull and depressing.

I began reading marriagebuilders several years ago and I have read here almost addictively as well..but in that case it has been a good thing for me because little by little I began to absorb what so many who posted here were here to teach..and I began to see what I was doing was getting involved in EAs..Gradually and especially over the last few months I have come to realize that online relationships are addictive and not real. Things that are said here are actually meaningless.. The forum itself makes it that way and even if it were to go real, its just not a real relationship. I have known several women friends who have met men from online and not one of them is with that guy today..and it didnt matter if they felt he was the love of their lives.. It didnt matter.. Not a one of them survived and usually after a meeting the relationship slowly dwindled to nothing.. I know that some of these women have been through hell because the men they met have lied and played them..and have cheated on them..just like in a real relationship..and the pain for them has been intense...All of them say..never again.....and yet....they cant stop! They are like your husband and they are like I used to be..

It is hell to be addicted to a damn computer! Only those who have been there can possibly understand it..The only worse pain than the rollercoaster of emotions and the addiction to online relationships is the pain of knowing you have lied and cheated and betrayed the man who has always loved and protected you... as mine has..I live with the guilt of what I have done and how I have betrayed my wonderful husband. He didnt deserver any of this.. He was so hurt when he discovered I was involved with men online. Even so he chose to forgive and forget and to love me .. We are moving on and that is the only reason I can smile today. I cant bear to think of the past and all the things I said and did behind my husbands back.. Even though it was only online it was very wrong.. Never again..

I really hope there is some way I can help you Mand.. If there is anything you want to ask please do so.. I only wanted to try to help you in some small way to understand from the online addicts perspective.. Until your husband comes out of his fantasyland and starts to think clearly again he will remain lost .. he is in the fog of denial. he is denying that your marriage is more important than his online life.. but to be honest he is in cyber hell and is in for a rude awakening if he isnt able to find his way out of the fog and start to find the real world again..

None of this is your fault Mand. I hope you will find the answer you need for your life..I wish you the best.

Thinking of you..
Hugs
Lori

#441762 01/27/04 03:11 PM
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Thank you smiles.I'm so happy you were able to see the light unfortunatly I don't think my H will.My husband and I talked alittle 2 days ago and he's moving out to get his life together and to figure things out for himself.I don't know why he feels he needs to move but if thats what it's going to take I hope it works for him.He's extremely stressed and when I approch him or talk about his chat room he gets very defensive at times.He's already told me he wont give it up.He did say something today though that made me feel good.He said he's afraid once we separate for a while that I wont want him back,which might be true.But honestly I don't think he'll want to come back to me.He'll like his "freedom" too much.He's always been able to go anywhere do whatever durring our marriage,I'm not a nag and I don't "B" about things,I fix things in the house by myself.I can't rely and don't rely on him to do anything.I think he loves me but it's different now and I'm starting to see and understand that.When he moves out I'm looking forward to the time I'll have for myself without worrying about him chatting all the time.I've always been the one to care for the kids so nothings really going to change for me except his presents wont be there.It's not like we spend time together anymore and haven't for some time now because he's on the computer.Yesturday for example I saw him for less than an hour because he was chatting and installing all kinds of downloaded programs in his computer and then something went wrong so that's what I live with every day and have for the past 2 years now.He has these women calling his cell phone and sometimes our house phone when I'm not home.He'll quickly minimize a window when I walk in the room to ask him something and then be very mad at me.I've delt with this behavior on and off now for so long I can pick up the signs.My marriage is lost and I've lost part of my soul.I hope someday he'll find peace and happiness within himself.Untill he discovers that nothings going to work for him.Just within the past 2 years he's become a monster of lies,betrayal,deceat and like our 16yr old says he's become a player mom.Even she can see what he's done and doing.I'm having a hard time with what I've already have gone through with him with the "A's" on line and the one he left us for to meet in OH.Why would he want us back when he'll be living the life he wants in real life not just in the chat room.Another summer of love and fun for him.I just want to breath and focus on my children.We are all going to need time to adjust but in alot of ways it's like he's not with us anyway.He never plays games with us anymore or cook or even eat dinner with us,he eats in his room.So in a way it may not be so big of an adjustment for the children but it's a concern.I've always forgiven him for the hurtful words or the rejection.I still treat him the same way I want to be treated and that's with respect.It's like I should be acting like him(he's the one who had the A's).I haven't done anything wrong to be treat this way but yet he has and I'm still the loving wife,friend,lover I've always been.Anyway his plan is to get a job and move out and get his life together.I hope so.Thank you again

#441763 01/27/04 05:55 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MAND:
<strong>Anyway his plan is to get a job and move out and get his life together.I hope so.Thank you again </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's gone how many years so far without a job? He has absolutely no motivation and no reason to get a job, and I cannot believe for a minute he is going to do so.

I am assuming he is not a violent, rageful, physicially abusive threat? If you want him out of the house, take away his toys. I posted months ago to you that you needed to get rid of him, not the computer. But in this case - I would pack the computer up and take it to a friend's house, or work, or a storage unit. I would cancel any service that has your name on it - be it cable, cable modem service, cell phone, etc. I would clean out your joint accounts and open separate accounts.

If your story is real, this is one of the most dreadful slobs I have ever encountered (and I was married to one of them and knew a lot more). Until *you* force the issue, nothing will change.

#441764 01/27/04 06:10 PM
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I agree Mand, He's going to get a job, only when the store is closed and he can no longer pilfer from the till.

He has no incentive. He can talk about getting a job because you're getting fed up. But that just buys him time. My guess is what happened last time is that he moved out to be with his internet squeeze until she found out he was a user and the store closed there and sent him packing. Of course he came home to you, because you don't close the store.

If he moves out, he'll be back because he thinks he knows you won't get fed up the way the internet chat girls do once they know he's a user.

#441765 01/28/04 04:00 PM
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Well I think your right.I have another situation now.He's sueing some company because he saw an advertisement on the TV about the drug Oxycontin.He was on this med for about a year for a back injury but he hasn't taken it now for a year and a half.Now all of a sudden he's complaining of all the side effects this med can give you.He's been told by these lawyers that the drug can still be trapped in his fat cells and released every now and then and that could be why he feels funny sometimes.So his mind has ran away with that one.He called his domestic counselor and had an appointment with her to talk about drug addiction and rehab.Tonight he goes to his first group meeting.Now I work in a hospital and I've asked the pharmacy and the nurses about how long oxycontin stays in your system and they said not for a year and a half.So he's looking at the $$$$$$ and the lawyers get 40% of what they get for him if anything.What the H am I dealing with now.If it aint one thing it's another.He hasn't been in any rehab or given any indication to me that he needed to be but now he's playing it up.He needs the documentation from his DV counselor for his lawyer.Is this crazy or what? He's not even considering what thats going to do to us or him in the future.When we go to divorce court I'm sure this will be brought up,I don't think he thinks of the ramifications of this.It just doesn't make sence to me that he's now complaining of withdrawls.I'm also conserned about what kind of behavior he's going to learn in this group.I think his DV classes just made him a better player/lier.I'm sorry to go off like this but I'm shocked he's doing this.Thanks for letting me vent.....Luv mand

#441766 01/29/04 10:46 AM
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This "thing" he's trying could take a long time. What are you saying to him? Are you telling him you want him out? I would if I were you... It's not like he's contributing to anything, except your misery maybe.

#441767 01/29/04 04:17 PM
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TAKE THE COMPUTER, PUT IT IN STORAGE WHERE HE CANNOT GET AT IT AND DOES NOT KNOW WHERE IT IS AT. TELL HIM YOU SOLD IT IF HE ASKS.

THEN, CANCEL ALL PHONE BILLS, ETC COMPLETELY AND START A NEW CELL PHONE SERVICE IN YOUR NAME. USE THIS AS THE ONLY PHONE YOU HAVE. TAKE HIS NAME OFF ANY CREDIT CARDS.

THEN, CALL A LAWYER FIRST AND THEN CHANGE THE LOCKS ON ALL THE DOORS AND LOCK HIM OUT. PUT HIS STUFF AND "WORK CLOTHES" (HAHA, OUTSIDE.)

HATE TO CALL HIM A NAME BUT HE IS THE BIGGEST, LAZIEST DIRTBAG I HAVE SEEN ON THIS SITE IN A LONG TIME.

AND YOU ARE GOING TO HURT YOUR BACK SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR, KICK HIM OUT AND HIDE THE COMPUTER. HE WILL HAVE TO STAY AWAY SINCE HE WANTS TO BE CLOSE TO HIS COMPUTER AND HE WILL HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER ONE AND WORK TO FIND THE MONEY TO BUY ONE.

GOOD LUCK, TOO BAD YOU MARRIED THAT DIRTBAG IN THE FIRST PLACE, HOW LONG SINCE THE "LEECH" HAS WORKED A JOB?

#441768 01/29/04 04:36 PM
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AMEN to what baba2 said!!

#441769 01/29/04 05:10 PM
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Oh gawd... I'm sorry. I want to cry. How do you put up with this? I couldn't.. I can barely move on from this A my husband had with this girl he met online .. he met her once and had sexual encounter with her. He told me 2 days after the affair.. He had the nerves to tell me he wanted them to remain friends. Anyways that's the whole story right there. Sometimes I wonder if I should even accept to continue on with him. I wrote her a letter, and she had apologized to me for what happened .. but I told her it was not her fault.. and also that she said how much she is in love with husband and how WONDERFUL he is.. Right... She just needs to stay away.. but you see the saying "Keep your friends close and your enemy closer..More and more I want to keep her close to watch her." I still can't trust my husband because she keeps sending him msgs.. I know he made the effort not to talk to her..I've read some of the msgs he sent, but she keeps on sending MSG.. I'm sick of the sneaking around.. Anyways this will be short- lived because She understands that he loves me and have no intention of leaving me. He have low selfesteem and I KNOW IT, and her in the other hand also have self esteem issues because I could tell from the way she sounded and the way she wrote back to me.! He needs to go to therapy. His whole family is making sure he goes.

As far as for your husband.. he's a psychopath! No offense... I don't know how you put up with it girl! You are a strong woman and I can understand it is not going to EVER be easy to let you husband go or you leaving.. but sometimes we got to do things that hurt us in order to heal ourselves.

As far as my Husband's affair.. I'm giving this the right amount of time which is 6 months.. see how things go day by day.. And if I can feel like I trust him again.. I might stay.. If not, I'm 22 I will say goodbye. His life will not be so bright without me! It's going to be HIS lost.. definitely not for me... I'm going to be hurt.. sure.. but its worth escaping more pain for years to come.

#441770 01/30/04 08:57 AM
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Let's put it this way,we did our taxes last night and he made @ $1100.00 last year.He worked two different jobs.He had a great landscaping job last July and it paid quite well.He worked it a week told them he had to go out of town because his mother was sick then flew off to OH to meet A for a week then when he got back he worked it 1 more week silpped in a pond and sued the company for $10,000.00 in damages.????? to where the money went.He wasn't held a job in many many years.He's had 6 or 8 work comp cases in the past 10 years.One took almost 3 years to settle and he didn't work back then either.Come to think of it he hasn't lasted more than 3 months at a job since he got out of the Navy 15 years ago.I've always been the stable one.I've been at my present job going on 6 years,before here I worked at a different hospital but same profession and I was there over 5 years also,same profession for 22 years.All I know is I can't change whats happened but I have to keep moving on for my kids and myself.I made him 50 copies of an application so all he has to do is drop them off where ever.He says he has been going out and dropping them off at places.I really hope so.The sooner the better.Well I have to go.When I post I'm using the computer at work.I don't use the computer at home at all and he doesn't let the kids do anything on it either.So my time is limited at times.Thank you for your time.I'm so glad I have a place to get advice and vent at times.God Bless you all!

#441771 02/02/04 08:25 AM
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Good morning everyone!We had a pretty good weekend.We went out for breakfast together without the kids which we never do and we actually talked about all kinds of things.Times like that make it hard to realize whats happened and possibly still happening.I'm still on my guard and irrigaurdless of how nice he is being to me I know it can change at any moment.I can't help but think when he gets a job if he meets someone else if he'll start a local affair.He'll make comments to me like "I can't wait for us to go camping this summer".My first thought is-we're not going to be together then-your moving out remember.It's very confussing to me.It's like he doesn't know what he wants or he wants to live both worlds.It's like he's living a double life.Come Monday I'm at work and the kids are at school he becomes a different person with his chat room or when they call him.I know now he still talks to the lady he had the affair with(she lives in OH).He talks to her every Monday and Wednesday but he says there's nothing there anymore he cares about her but he's not "in love with her anymore".I'm finding that if I sit and listen to him he tells me more than if I were to ask questions.I'm still suspicous about his chat room the OH ladies name was "Venus"(he gave her that name).Now there's a lady in the chat room who's name was "bluejeanbabe",now it's "venus n bluejeans".I think that's kinda weired.I asked him where she lived when he mentioned her one day and he didn't know.So as you can probably tell I don't trust him at all.That's such a bad feeling.Marriage isn't supposed to be like this.I'm still sleeping in my kidses room.I don't mind actually, especially now that his computer is now in "our" bedroom.I can actually look at my H now and wish he would move out.I'm tired of trying while he's just kicking back chatting.So within my heart I've let him go.Things don't hurt me anymore.Whereas a year or so ago it would crush me,I didn't want to even go to the store because I knew whoever would call him or he'd call her right after I'd leave.If he went anywhere he would be chatting with someone and then get ready to leave but his cell phone would ring right when he would walk out the door or when he would kiss me before he left.That doesn't bother me anymore.It's like he's made me amune to the whole thing.Well I have to go to work now so thank you and I hope everyone has a pleasant day.

#441772 02/02/04 08:38 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 424
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I don't know if this is improvement, its like you are accepting less. YOu do not care if he is in this relationship or not, yet you are sending yourself two messages. You felt good when you talked to him and feel somewhat close to him. I wonder if he is killing time until he finds a job. You can't let this go on like this. YOu try to not feel for what he does. I can understand it's a way to protect yourself. I did that when I could feel my husband was having an affair..........but didn't want to admit to myself and thought it was nearly impossible! AH! Just a wake up call for me....

I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better, I wish you'd have the guts to kick him out.. God it would hurt, but your heart would be free of some of this pain. He is causing it everyday, you are telling yourself its not hurting, but it is somehow.

I"m heading to class... sighs*** don't really want to go, but its part of what keeps me going. If I didn't have that I would be mainly focusing on my relationship and nothing else.

Anyways HUGS***

#441773 02/03/04 08:25 AM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 168
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Last night when I got home from work my H was acting distant again.He spent his whole evening on the computer as usual not chatting but arranging his music he's downloaded.He was dressed nicely which is unusual.I told him he looked very nice,he told me that he had gone out and put in applications for jobs.About an hour later I said something to him and he said "I don't know I didn't go anywhere today".He has become such a lier and so deceatful.I'm trying so hard to keep our head above water and he doesn't care.Just with in the past two weeks I've managed to get us totally caught up on the house and all the utilities.I'm so proud of myself but it's killing me.I'm so tired and then I go home and have to deal with him.Everyone tells me to kick him out,but how.He'll call the police on me if I even touch any of his things in a threatening manner.Through the domestic violence classes he had to take he learned alot,right down to if he or I call each other names in an argument it's considered domestic violence.I'm not a violent person,I can sit down with him and he can say the most horrible things to me and it doesn't faze me.After what I've lived with the past two years there's nothing he can say to hurt me anymore.Instead I'm clam and I listen to every word.I've found if I just let him talk he tells more.I'm going to try to find out what my rights are as far as getting him to leave.It's hard because the only time I have is at work.I don't call people or use the computer at home,that's impossible.I miss my husband.It's like I'm living with an alien.He looks like my H but he's not the man I fell in love with.I have to get to work now but thank you for being here and I'm sorry you are.God Bless you

#441774 02/03/04 09:27 AM
Joined: Mar 2002
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Mand,

I would really like to suggest individual counseling for you to find out why are believe you deserve so little....or are willing to accept the crumbs your husband throws your way. Your biggest problem right now, is that you've learned somewhere along the way that you aren't worth treating respectfully. *sigh* <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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