</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Kamara:
<strong> yes, I am doing soemthing for myself and my family. But I am very sad! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Separation is always sad ... but in the long run you will see that you save yourself from a lot more heartache.

-rh-

Hi everybody:

I was supposed to have a treatment today but I didn't because my blood counts are low. So it was postponed till next week. Nothing surprising - I hardly eat or sleep these days! Before my previous treatment I recovered in 3 weeks without any problem! My doctor says that no matter what this will be my salt treatment and I should go home and continue there. She said that the stressful situation I am in now is interfering with my treatment.
I am mad at my husband - this a**hole is literally killing me and doesn't even call me to find out how successful he is in this!
My daughter called him yesterday but he didn't tell her anything about our situation. I don't know if it is a good sign or if he is just scared of doing this.
I am in a lot of anger today!

I hope you feel better. Just a big hug.

kamara -

Sorry your blood count was low. Please start taking care of yourself. I can imagine how hard it must be with having no support from your H. However you must start taking care of you.

Dear Kamara,

Sorry to hear about your lo blood ct. It is important that while your H is contributing to your illness by attempting to break your spirit, it is vital you not let him do so.

What has the dr. given you to help you improve your blood ct? I w/b wiling to press you some fresh fruit and vegetable juices if you want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for him telling your daughter, wait and don't do it for him. He needs to be responsible for his own demise.

Tonight I saw a rerun of the show MASH. There the Col. Henry Blake had a fling with a 21 year old civilian worker while he was about 40ish. It showed how he got giddy and was introducing her to all the people in the 4077 MASH unit. It was sad but then he got a call from his W and he realized the girl he loved was his W and not this 'prury yun thing'. Yea, it was a show but it portrayed how temporary these A feelings are and how shallow they are.

Consider the fact that your H has a virus of an A epidemic and right now there is no cure until he implements a plan to get him some real help. You on the other hand are under a doctor's care and you are loved and supported. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Work with what you have and don't fret over what you can't fix. Easier said than done but it is possible.

Hugz,
L.

Kamara,

In my humble opinion, let me just start by saying your health should be first and foremost. That may not be the case for H but it needs to be for you. I would rarely advocate selfishness, but self-preservation in your case, should be your focus.

Keeping in mind two things: a) your fight is not against 'flesh and blood', it is against many waring factors in your life and the lives of those around you, including H. b) you cannot effect change in others they do not want to make.

Hopefully some of this is freeing - sounds like lunacy to me, but that is some of life's many truths.

Your focus will dictate the direction the rest of you takes. From someone who focused on the relationship, and has lost it, I find that focusing on changes you can make in yourself is the best thing you can do for others around you.

Please do not misunderstand me. Be kind to yourself --- be as healthy as possible, and as well as you can be. We give power to that which we focus (our energy) on.

Focus on God, He will help you gain the focus you need and the support needed to help you through these trying times. If in doubt, we return to the source, we will find home.

Blessings to you and peace- health to your bones, nourishment to your body.

2P2

Kamara, take good care of yourself. We are all here with you.

kamara -

Hope you are feeling well. Also hope you are going out some.
I had a great day, with lots of fun. I did a lot of things with my boys.
Also WH is running out of money, and will have to ask OW to get a job.

I am going out, yes. I am not doing great though. But probably it is too early. Yesterday I was hysterical, was crying out loud and my mother said - Why are you grieving over this scoundrel so much? Then somebody else told me - he doesn't deserve you. Suddenly these thoughts started making sense to me - why do I want this scoundrel back so much? He doesn't even call me to ask me how I feel and how was my last chemo. He doesn’t care. And I feel disgusted and mad at him. This is probably the next stage of grieving - anger.
I dream that I go back home and call his mistress and tell her - do you not see that he is a scumbag? And do you still want him? OK, you can have him but don't celebrate it when somebody betrays another person for you, because the next moment they will turn around and betray you!
And I dream how I ask him - does your mistress not see what a scumbag you are? She probably does. She certainly cannot love you! Nobody can love a person like you are! Then what does she want from you? A little revenge.
I will probably pass this stage, but this is where I am now. What is the next stage of grieving?

kamara -
I went through the anger stage too. It allows you to look at the whole thing more honestly. My WH keeps saying how wonderful the OW is. Well now she has completely abandoned her 12 year old daughter. Doesn't sound so wonderful to me. I think it makes her pathetic - and my WH too. All they care about is themselves.

I think the next stage is acceptance.

Kamara,

Take care of yourself. We are all here with you. Forget about him. I know it is easy to say than do. But we have no choice. I will pray for you.

Update on my health. My chemo was rescheduled for today. My blood has recovered and they gave me treatment. In the middle of it I suddenly started having rashes and itching and got red in my face and neck. The nurses came running up to me ands stopped my chemo. My blood pressure dropped to 74 and I was feeling lousy. They gave me some medicines so I recovered more or less. My doctor came and she said no more cicplatinum, may be something else, depending on cat scan results. I will have it next week. Cicplatinum used to help me and now I can not have it any more because I have developed an allergy to it and itis very dangerous because it can bring to a breath stop and death. Well, my chances to recover are less now. The doctor will think about another medicine. I am scared - I react badly to different medicines, but I could tolerate sisplatinum up to now.
My husband sent me a Happy birthday message today. Very cold and official. " wish you Happy Birthday and all the best. I hope you are feeling well and the treatment succeeds.
Regards." That is it!
Well it is not my birthday today. My birthday is on the 15th of March! Did He forget the exact date? I doubt it! Maybe he will be traveling and will not be able to send it later.
Is it a bad sign or a good one? Should I write back “Thank you but my birthday is ...” Should I write to him about what happened to me today. Should I write to him at all? My daughter is going to call him, they have something to discuss, she will tell him about what happened to me anyway. I could write to him that the treatment is not going well but the daughter will tell you all about it.
Please you r opinions, guys! Is a cold Happy birthday message better than no message at all?

Dear Kamara,

Sorry to hear about your allergic reaction. That must have been scary.

As for the HB e-mail, at least be glad he sent it. Time is quite distorted to those in the fog. Maybe he tought the time zones were in the opposite direction this week. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Let your daughter tell him. E-mail him when you are not so spiteful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Well maybe that would take too long but wait a few days. E-mail him on the 15th instead.

JMHO,

L.

kamara -

Oh, I'm sorry that happened in the middle of your treatment. Hope your doctor can think of a good chemo that you can tolerate better. There must be some.

It is good that he even remembered your birthday is in March. Last year mine forgot completely. Of course he was in the middle of an A that I didn't know about.

I'm sure your daughter will set him straight. I would not bother to contact him right now.

My car engine overheated and now the car does not run. I thought about contacting WH, but everytime I've asked him for help it has been useless. I'd rather not even ask anymore, because it is too disappointing while he is in this fog.

Girls:
My husband has just told out daughter that we have separated and he has another woman. She called me back crying. She is shocked. Why did he not ask my advice when it is better to tell her? She is in the middle of a very difficult semester in the university, I hoped she would end it and then we would talk. I hope this will not disrupt her studies! Why is he so cruel to her? OK, I don’t matter but her!
I am devastated and in the same shock as when I first found out. I wish I had died yesterday of allergic shock.
We are getting together with my daughter tomorrow and will talk. I have to support her and help her through this.
I will call him tomorrow and tell him what I think about him!
How much can one person stand?

Dear Kamara,

I am sorry to hear about how rude and cruel the WS has been to your daughter. It is clear to see how bad that was.

Make your D your priority. Be each other's support. Let her help U 2.

As for the Ws, well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ........ let him know he has disappointed many. Not sure why he is choosing to be stupid and cruel but he is.

Let me see if we can hail up Sing. She is our MB Fairie who has a wicked 2x4 swing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Sorry that happened, but at least it is now out in the open. You and your daughter can support each other. If I was your daughter I would want to know, no matter how painful.

She is very smart and will hopefully throw herself into her studies as a distraction from this mess your H has made. I hope she let your H know how much he has disappointed her. He is not thinking right.

Just talked to him on the telephone. Told him that we should have coordinated how and when to tell our daughter. He blamed it on me as usual. He said - I was not going to tell her but you told me that I should! Of course I am responsible for everything. I know.
I told him, the situation was pretty difficult here but he made it even worse because now I would have to support D. Because I will have to support her not vice versa! I told him how she called me back and was crying. I said there was no need to tell her now because the plans that he had with her for summer didn’t change so what was the use of telling her now?
I also said to him that the most important thing was for him to be happy. We will survive somehow. We don’t matter, I said. He said to me, thank you for saying this to me but was obviously upset. There were long pauses in the conversation. He didn’t know what to tell me.
I also told him that I will come home in April, he said, OK, come. Last time he said – don’t come, it will be even worse for you here because people will find out. He didn’t mention that he would move out if I came. We will see. He said that he didn’t tell anybody about his situation.
I feel physically bad this morning – I hardly slept last night, took some herbs to help me calm down and sleep. I was planning to go to a Pilates mat class that I am taking but just couldn’t get out of bed. Will stay in bed sleeping all day long today.
This is terrible and unbearable!

Kamara, I feel the pain for you. Please be good to yourself. I will pray for you.

kamara -
Sounds like you handled it very well. What is going on with your daughter now?