Kamara - What's up girl? Hope things are going well. Has your mom moved? Also update us on your medical condition. Has doctor figured out what to do next?

kamara - Please keep in touch. I am starting to worry about you.

Believer, thank you for worrying about me. I went skiing to lake Tahoe with my daughter and after we came back I spent a night in her place. So I didn't have a computer.
My mom is moving on the 3rd of April. We have started packing.
I got results of my scan - I am stable. That means that the tumors do not grow which is good but, on the other hand, they do not shrink, which is bad. My doctor wants to see if it was the medicine that made me stable or I am stable by myself. So there will be a break in treatment for a while and then another scan and she will see what is going on there and will decide what to do next.
She named a couple of medicines to me which she is considering if my tumors start growing.
I booked a ticket to leave on the 7th. I don't know I may be cooking a disaster for myself but still I want to go there and stay there and see how things are. I may lose any hope but I feel at this point that I want to go home.

Oh, that is good news - that you went skiing. It is nice to get out and do things.

I'm so happy that you are stable. If you go home, will you be able to continue whatever treatment the doctor decides? If you can, then I say go. At the very least you can see your friends again.

Then you can Plan A your WH and see what is up with him. Mine is still with OW, and I a tired of it. But I don't have the awful hurt that I did before.

kamara -

Where have you been? Please let us know how you are doing.

Believer:
Thank you for asking. I am not feeling well so I rescheduled my trip and am going home on the 9th instead of the 7th.
Talked to my husband on the phone - he said he was moving out. He was hesitating before, now he is sure he wants out. What am I going to do? Why am I going there? Should I cancel my trip and stay instead?

Hi. Glad to see you here again. That is a decision you are going to have to make. He may move out. Who knows? Or he may just be saying that. He is still in the fog.

What do your mother and daughter think?

I guess you could make the trip and check things out. If you are not happy, you could come back.

You are right - I can make a trip and then come back if I am unhappy. My mother thinks I should stay. My daughter doesn't think anything - she is having a midterm today so I didn't tell her. I will tell her later today.
I will probably go but it looks like he is still not ready for me! He may never be, who knows.
I would rather keep status quo and have him live in the same place. Why does he not want it? Is the OW pushing him to move out? If he doesn't care what differece does it make if he is there or not? Is he afraid that I will be aggressive, yell at him or beg him to come back? Why do you think he wants to move out?

He is probably afraid of what the OW will think. My WH only comes to see me when OW is at work. Yes, she finally got a job. Now I feel like the OW.

If you go back, will you still be able to post to us? And what is that country called again?

I will be posting for sure. But the time difference is huge - 14 hours. It is Kazakhstan I am going to.
Today i talked to my husband again. I had a very bad day and was thinking of cancelling my trip. I called him and told him, look, maybe I shouldn't come? I don't want to be in the way. You don't want me there. He said, you wanted to come, so come. There is a place for ou to live, so come.You will not be in the way.
He is moving out. Does that mean that he doesn't care any more that all friends and coworkers find it out and that he will look terrible? Or that no matter if I am there or not he will continue to see OW and I will not be in the way?

I expected he would say somrthing like - it's up to you, or yes, it would be better if you didn't come.B ut no, he repeated several times that I should come. Strange!

I am leaving early morning tomorrow. I am scared to death - I don't know what I will find there. I woke up this morning in fear. I don't want to go but I am going!
I will be back on line in a couple of days. Please write to me!

I think you need to do this for your peace of mind. Remember, we will be thinking about you. If you don't go, you will always wonder.

Plus it will be good to see your friends. Just relax and try to look at it like a vacation. Don't forget to post and give us all of the details. I will be thinking of you.

I am already in K. I had a long lasting and difficult flight. My
husband's office driver picked me up and brought home.
I found out that my husband's things are gone! So he has moved out! I
thought I had a couple of days of hope (he is away on business now and is coming back on Wednesday). It appeared that I don't have any
hope left!
The fridge is empty - he didn't think that he should put something into it
for my arrival, he didn't leave me any local money, he didn't leave me a message or anything. The things he would have normally done for me and I for him! I asked him to put money on my cell phone account (you buy a card for your cell phone here). My cell is dead! I am fully and completely ignored. I am devastated and
somehow have no hope any more.
I wonder if the driver who picked me up knows about what happened. On the way from the airport I talked to the driver of course. He told me that
by what my husband told him on the way to the airport the project in another city (where the Ow lives) was over. That of course doesn't
mean that his relations with her are over too! But at least I hope he will not be going there any more! No more working with her!
He told me when we talked last time that he would call me from where he is
now and that on Wednesday from the airport would come right here and we would talk. I am not expecting a call from him! I don't want to talk to him!
I am afraid the next step will be talking finances! The things are getting
more and more final! I am devastated.
Do you think I should try to persuade him not to move out? Or should I pretend I don't care if he is here or not. I have no idea how to behave!
please help me! This vacation trip may turn to be a disaster for me!

<small>[ April 11, 2004, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: Kamara ]</small>

Oh my, what a coward he is. He is probably ashamed to face you. It is how they are. But he could have at least done the cell phone for you. Have you been able to see any of your friends, or are you just resting up?

I don't know what to tell you to do. I'm having trouble with my WS too. I've been trying to help him to retire and found out he has been lying to me about money.

I hope you can at least get local money and some food. Sounds like he is still very much in the fog. They really are like they have been taken over by aliens.

I'm getting to the point that I don't want to talk to WH anymore. Why bother wasting time listening to more lies? But I hope you will still talk to your husband. Try to be as calm as you can under the circumstances. Gee I should take my own advice.

Please let us know about your continuing saga. HUGS to you from me.

My husband has just called to find out how was my flight and if the driver picked me up. We talked as friends. He was very contradictory. He said that he had moved out because it would be stressful for ME to live in the same place with him. I said, maybe it would be stressful for You not for ME? How do you know about me? He said that my health was very important for him. Boloney! If it was, he wouldn’t have done all this to me! He wouldn’t have moved out but would try to work on our marriage! He is coming on Wednesday from his busin3ess trip and said we would see each other and talk. Talk what? Probably finances. He definitely doesn’t miss me!
We have a cleaning lady working in our house. He had to tell her because she saw that he was packing all his stuff. She talked to me today and asked what happened. I told her. She was shocked (like everybody else). She says we have always produced an impression of a very happy couple. She told me that she noticed something was wrong. He has changed a lot, lost a lot of weight (trying to look better for his other woman?), often was sad and all this after he came back from visiting me and I confronted him. She said that when she asked him about me he answered rather aggressively that everything was fine. That is strange! Why should he get angry? Unfortunately she is a rather foolish person so I wouldn’t trust her in terms of her judgments. Anyway, I asked him if he would want her to come to his place and help. He said, he didn’t think about it and maybe he would be doing everything himself. Himself? He has never done his own laundry! Will he bring it here for the cleaning lady to do it and then iron his shirts? She says that he eats very little so maybe he will cook for himself, but washing and cleaning? I asked him for how long he was going to rent this apartment, he said for as long as he needed it. What does that mean? Till I die? Or go back to the States and never come back? Or what?
He sounded very indifferent, it was a usual conversation which we could have had before all this. He never asked about our daughter or my mother. He is a cruel and indifferent jerk!
I don't know if itw as a good conversation or a bad one!

That is how they all are. They change into different people. I don't think they even know what they are doing. Try to stay calm and talk to him like a friend.

And I hope that you will try to have some fun. Enjoy yourself a little. Everything can not be about HIM.

Dear Kamara,

Glad you made it there safely. What a looong flight. You knew that the situation could go either way but am sure you are still disappointed.

As we previously discussed you need to move forward. Spending time second guessing him is more hurtful for you. Hard to resist but just don't let it tailspin you into a depressive state, ok?

Remember to watch for the babble and don't take any of his blame or guilt. Your housekeeper's words and that of the driver are quite telling. Don't underestimate it. See a WS can't completely cover over his feelings. His guilt is highly noticeable. He is aware of what he is doing. His words of not wanting to hurt you causing his decision to move out is not accurate but according to the WS script.

When you are strong enough, ask him to speak the truth and stop babbling. When he gets angry, remove yourself from his area of anger (whether by phone or by sight). Your H is probably a man of pride and may feel injured that you want to meet this problem head on. There are ways of handling these types. It does require you be strong. In that way we can help.

Keep posting and practice in the mirror - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Hugz,
L.

kamara - What is going on? Please let us know.

Dear Believer,

Kamara e-mailed me. She is in shock and pain but trying desparately to get back on her feet.

She has more on her side than the A does so she is better supported. Right now she is working on her support system there.

I am sure MB support w/b greatly appreciated and she will come back and post soon.

take care,
L.

Orchid -

Thanks for the update. I was wondering what was happening.