Oh, Jill,

I wanted to give you a piece of quick advice. I started plan A one week before my D-day. I didn't know that I was doing plan A but I was. The day I started, my husband began to change. He even remembers the day I did, and he recalls thinking that on that specific day he was going to stop talking with the OW.

If I were in your shoes, I would start plan A now, and subtly keep looking for signs from your H. I kept a journal of what he was doing/when during that time and how I was feeling. Plan A and keep looking for proof.

Hi Jill and Sally-hope you are both doing well. Keep up the plan a. Thinking of you both and hoping all is going your way.

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I feel lucky in timing for my d-day because for some reason my H and I have had a lot of time together. We were 100% together for the last 3.5 days. We did very well, no love busters. Got in a little argument about something not related to the A and we both immediately apologized to each other. He was really quite affectionate, lots of hugs, kisses, hand-holding, calling me "beautiful" etc. Said last night that he was sad to go to work today because he would really miss me. That felt very good. He said Saturday night that he admired my strength working through this and that he was so sorry that he hurt me. I also heard him tell his mom that he and I would be "bad grandparents" because our grandkids would be frustrated because we would always make them eat healthy food. This is good to hear him say too. He hasn't talked about or alluded the future with me for several months. He also hasn't gone out with friends, etc since d-day.

So all appears to be going well. It is still a short time out since d-day and I still feel strong strong urges to talk about the A with him. I am avoiding it because I don't want to bring it up again. I am still looking for signs of things continuing with the A...I guess that may go on forever. He is quite accepting of me meeting his needs, and he is doing a terrific job of trying to meet mine. Does that mean we are in recovery?

Still hurts a lot.

Been a few days and wanted to send continued good news. I don't think my H could be handling this any better. I am still a mess and had a break down two nights ago. No LBs, just crying and sad about what has happened. He spent hours and hours holding and comforting me. He continued to reassure me.

Last night we spent another 4 or so hours together. I know at some point we can't do this anymore because he is totally neglecting working out and reading, but I can say that spending as much time together as we have has been very beneficial. We have probably been doing 25+ hours per week since D-day.

Last night he was holding me in bed and he said he was so happy that he rediscovered me again and that he feels very much in love with me. He probably said "I love you so much" about 10 times last night, and that is about 5 times more than he usually says it.

I am still having a very hard time with the whole thing but am keeping my head up with no LBs and being thoughtful of him. This stuff really works both for me and for him. I can say I am a believer. My H was so loving last night even after being in the OR all day in surgery with a multiple limb removal of a 16 year old. After he comforted me, I tried my best to comfort him after his terrible day in the OR.

Oh, and I did ask some questions about the OW the other night because I am having a hard time accepting that their relationship consisted only of them meeting for drinks 3 times and kissing at the bar on two of those nights. I have a hard time believing this even though I have verified his story every which way and it holds up. He said whatever I need to do to beleive him I could, including calling OW (even though I have already been to her house). He seems very open which is good. And it helps that he has been with me almost 100% of time since dday.

Quick update...all is going very well. My H continues to spend all his time with me. He is calling me during the day and being affectionate and connected. This feels so much like we used to be, and I love it. He continues to show remorse, but more importantly he is paying attention to me and our marriage. I am still scared, paranoid, sick at times, but he is doing everything right so far. I hope that we are working towards a happy ending.

Sounds like everything is going the right way. Luckily you found out early. Have a good day. Just wanted to pop in and say hello.