I have been married for a little over 5 years, havea 2 year old little girl who I adore and about 4 months ago ran into an old lover from graduate school and now meet him 1-2 times per week for lovemaking sessions at his house and dinners out etc. etc. I just got back this morning from spending the night at his house while my in-laws were in town watching our baby overnight at their hotel (my husband went out to play cards with friends, I told them I was going out on the twon with friends when I actually went to his house, made love for several hours, went out to dinner, went in the jacuzzi and made love most of the night) I love my husband and daughter however this man gives me something that my husband I think is incapable fo giving me. I feel very guilty however not guitly enough to stop.
I love my affair. It is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in years. He is a fabulous lover but most of all he listens to me and adores me. My husband barely acknowledged that I was leaving Saturday night as the olympics were beginning. I wanted to tell him right then and there just to see if he was even listening. It is frustrating because I know he loves me so much and maybe even depends on me too much to take care of EVERYTHING. I for once in my life want someone to take care of me! This man takes control and care of everything which is a humungous turn on for me. I ask my husband to take control of some of the household things (like the finances, for example) I am not saying I want him to do laundry or any bull**** like that, I mean take pride in the house, see things that need to be fixed and either fix it or call someone. Don't wait for me to do it every time. I feel like the man and the woman most of the time.<p>I know it is wrong, I do know that. Why am I doing this and has anyone been in this situation, what happens next? What should I do? I love them both. THe affair will never lead to marriage-ever-it is more fun than anything else plus we are from very different cultural backgrounds (jewish vs. iranian)<p>Please write and let me know what you think

First, I am a BS and this may come across as harsh, I am sorry if it does.<p>What should you do? STOP it now, tell your H now. You are not being fair to him, your children, the OM or yourself. Maybe if you talk to your H, tell him what EN's he is not meeting, he will met them. There are probably a few of his EN's that you are not meeting. Then go from there.<p>Your A is fun but it's at someone else expense. It's exciting but at someone elses expense. Maybe if your work on your marriage as hard as you are working on keeping the A a secret, your marriage may become exciting too.<p>Your H does take care of you in his way, maybe he does not understand what you need, that it bothers you that he fails to fix the house. Tell him you want him to pay more attention to the house and it's repairs. Maybe he thinks he is doing what you want him to do. Tell him what you need to be happy in your marriage. Don't hide your feelings, it will only get worse. <p>You said the OM takes care of everything. Guess what, he does not. You know why, because you two do not have a home together, you don't have bills together. He takes care of your fantasy's and that is it.<p>Read Dr. Harley's site and books, they will help.
Good Luck.

OMG YOU ARE IN THE FOG GIRLFRIEND! If only you knew what scared you are in the process of causing! I have to give you credit for asking for our opinion... and deep down in your heart.. you know what is right and wrong! The A you are having is an addiction. There is more to life than SEX... If you love your husband... tell the lover that what you are doing is the most selfish and hurtful thing you can possibly do to your family and it has to end. As far as telling your H about it. At this point, if he doesn't know about it... why hurt his feelings... and cost his trust. It is just more one more bridge that will have to be repaired. Ask God to forgive you of this secret sin... and rededicate your life to your husband and your family. Please, realize the hell you are about to cause. Read about some of the broken hearts who are suffering from what you are doing right now. Refocus .... Do you want to loose your husband, your home and your selfrespect? Consider the cost! Marriage is for better or for worse.. Perhaps H isn't perfect handyman... but shines in other areas... Communicate.. start talking about your marriage and how to make it better. It wont happen by accident! It takes WORK and alot of LB deposits! YOU ARE MAKING MAJOR WITHDRAWLS.. DONT LET THE ACCOUNT GO IN THE RED! PLEASE STOP WHILE YOU CAN.... PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO... !

I agree with the last post on all accounts execpt the not telling. The reasons: 1. Because I hate thinking "what they don't know won't hurt them." 2. You H has the right to decide if he want's to stay married to you. 3. By not telling, you are getting off way to easy. 4. By not telling, your H won't completely understand the problems in his marriage. My H and I went to MC before I found out about the A and guess what, it did no good because I did not know the whole picture. It's like trying to fix a bike and some of the parts are missing, it just does not work. I feel very strongly about that.