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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 7
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Missy M Offline OP
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I have been Married for 11 years and a Mother in-law that will not let my husband grow up raise his own children or I should say "one of his children" that is! She is trying to run two house holds her's and mines.She feels I dont't have my children best interest at heart and one of the children and she has my Husband thinking that same thing. I know he has his own mind but if thess accusations are coming from your Mother WELL NEED I SAY MORE! she checks up behind me and if i DONT FOLLOW THROUGH ON SOMETHING OR FOREVER REASON HAVE TO CHANGE PLANS SHE QUESTIONS "WHY" make it seems I am being irrespondsible. But I can not totally fault her because My husband is allowing her to do so. I really feel that she wants my marriage to end .And he is trying to PLEASE 2 WOMEN Mother & Wife though in the bible it states that when a gets married he is to leave his father amd mother's home a cleave to his wife.

Now if I understand that well, they are to love,honor and respect each other forsake all others interference in thier marriage to make thier own decisions in thier home and thier family. The Sad part about this all,his mother knows that she should not be doing this and his happiness should matter to her but what matters to her more is her being incontrol and she still interferes . We have been talking about spliting becasue she and I can not get along. I have a problem with 3rd party people.

My husband does not go through this from my family at all matter fact he and my mom get along wonderfully.I have tried to get along with her but it's hard when ,she trys to belittle me every chance she gets that is when she and I get into it an arguement she calls it constructive critizim ,I call it disrespecting our marriage and me as his wife. I feel she does not like me at all ,she wants me to do as she saids but when I dont follow her lead and USE MY OWN MIND THAT GOD GAVE ME .She then goes to my husband then he and I get into it because of what she has told him. It's like she trys to compeite with me to make herself more fulfilled and addequte, on who is the better mother, like HIS MOTHERS Knows best and I am totally clueless I dont know what it is with her. One would think she would be off vacationing with her own husband instead or doing some kind hobby, it seems she has found her hobby meddeling in our affairs she knows more about what is going on in my home than he does she gets information from one of the children.

I told him we need marriage counseling really bad! Please can anyone one give me some advice !!!!

Joined: Aug 2003
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You are married to a mama's boy, as you already know. I would suggest moving away from there. He needs to break that emotional tie to her and she needs to loosen the apron strings. Show him my post if you want to! God bless!

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 37
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 37
Missy:

Your situation sounds familiar to me in that I struggled just as your husband is, now.

The term "mama's boy" is cheap and glib and helps nothing or no one. Nevertheless, it is true that the Bible teaches leaving and cleaving.

Hurting Promisekeeper recommended moving away from there and I quite agree - put some distance between yourselves and the mother-in-law. (I know, I know..easier said than done.........)

Your husband is in for a rough time as he first realizes his sin here and his dysfunction, then secondly, to begin the process of putting you first and his mom last. She is going to react negatively and it will be difficult; still it's the right thing to do.

I believe above all else that commitment is THE basis for marriage and marriage longevity and survival. He needs to commit himself to you only, but don't forget that you are committed to him too - committed to be there when he begins his process of change (cutting the proverbial apron strings).

He may have a sort of mother wound or father wound (Christian references to those, not anything else)and may have some control issues with women. There are lots of places to look to get informed about his problem and make an accurate diagnosis - it will help you deal with his pathology.

Your misson, should you decide to accept it, is to inform him of the problem, tell how it hurts you that you aren't first in his life, educate him with the materials you find, support him and remain committed, and lastly pray, pray, pray.

It will be well worth the effort.
(Oh, yeah...your posts are more visible under Emotional Needs,and more people are likely to post there and respond to you.)

OHIT

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 187
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Your husband needs to grow up and become a man. He needs to realize that he is the head of his household and has a responsibility to his primary family first and foremost. When a man takes a wife, he promises to forsake all others and that includes his mother.

Your husband is being disrespectful towards you by not setting boundries between his family and his mother. The easiest way to resolve this is to put distance between your family and your MIL. Unfortunately, this is not always easy to do.

Another thing that you can try is to get your husband interested in the information on this web site. By following the Marriage Builders concepts of meeting needs and avoiding love busters such as disrespectful judgements, he will become more of the man that you need him to be.

Joined: Feb 2004
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Missy M Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2004
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What can a person do but keep my distance my daughter has been staying over there it's a LONG STORY !!


Missy M


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