OK, all you folks who have come to this site hoping to reconcile but found it impossible, please give me your advice and encouragement about what life is going to be like through the divorce process and especially up to that point since we will be living together until probably the end of the summer. I am "ok" but, I am in need of some support and company to know that I am not alone. Please help me get through this.. Thanks!

Wife and I lived together for about 3 months after she had decided to end it. She decided in December, I filed in early Feb, and she moved out on March 13th.<P>We don't have a very big place, so she was sleeping in the living room.<P>It was hard. She was very blatant in communicating and going to see OM. She would even call him and coo over the phone in the living room with all of us in the house.<P>Expect to be accused of all kinds of wierd stuff. I was accused of verbal and physical and emotional abuse over the last 14 years. That really threw me for a loop. I began to question my own perceptions of things. I had to go to friends and family members to see if what I percieved was within the bounds of reality. Found out it was.<P>One thing that really ehlped me was to research what was going on. There are a number of good sites out on the web with divorce info. If you would like, I can post some of the ones that I frequent.<P>We are not done yet. Temp custody is done, but we are still waiting for the final shoe to drop.<P>Good Luck

"what life is going to be like through the divorce process and especially up to that point since we will be living together until probably the end of the summer" <BR>All I can do is tell you what my life is like. I am also living with my H who has started a D action against me. My life is a nightmare and I am going through H**L! I suppose that if I were to agree with all the evil things that my H has said about me and also if I were to easily grant him this divorce, things would get better for me. However I have refused to do that so far. The more stubborn that I am in my actions, the more angry he becomes. And all of that anger is directed at me. So I wish you luck and, unless things are drastically different for you, you have a hard road ahead. N<BR>

Thank you both for replying. I am hoping that it won't get messy but my faith in my "hope" is at a low these days....<P>Anyway, yes, I would appreciate those sites that you recommend for info., grandpabri2,<BR>however, since we don't have kids, you don't need to give me any sites that relate to that specific and difficult challenge.<P>I sometimes think I need to stop depending on this site for so much support but then again, as long as people reply and offer help, I feel like it's my strength support these days...<P>Also, to those who tried to help me Plan A, don't give up on me... I am just becoming pro-active instead of reactive.<P>

My situation is nearly intolerable. I file for divorce in March and we are still living together in the same house. My husband refuses to leave, I cannot afford a place of my own with the two kids. I am stuck until I get a better job or we sell the house. It is confusing to me and the kids because my H acts like we are one big happy family. He acts nicer to me now than he ever has in our 16 year marriage, but only on the suface. Financially, he won't give me a dime for the kids or help pay for food...he knows I work part time and don't have any extra money, so I am now incurring debt. It short, it has been a nightmare and I long to be able to start over, but until I leave it isn't going to happen. <BR>

Hannah,<P>My ex walked out on xmas and never came back. I can't tell you how it feels to live in the same household personally, but I have known 3 different couples who have tried it and it WAS most definetly a nightmare. It puts your life on hold, it is hard because the kids are smart enough to feel the tension and it was a lot of stress for everyone. In all the cases, as far as I know, when the betraying spouse left, it was much easier for everyone.<P>Not only that, but the divorce process is very difficult. For me anyway, all I can say is that I get nervous a few days before court and it doesn't go away til a few hours after court. I also get the pleasure of facing my ex and OW when I am there. The whole thing is a nightmare, from the moment you find out about the affair, right on through. I am not divorced yet, but I suspect it will be a while before my life settles down and I can feel closure from the divorce.<P>Be strong. Do what you can to keep your strength and let your friends and family help you. Get ready for the roller coaster but we're all riding it with you <P>Prayers to you, Dana<BR>

Since you don't have children, I say it's going to be a whole lot smoother than if you did. A whole, whole lot smoother. If there is much money to be fought over then your job is going to be a bit rougher. If at least one of you can be reasonable about your "possessions" and give up what you might otherwise feel you're entitled to, then you've made the divorce process a notch easier still. If one of you is unreasonable (I guess it's your husband?) then you'll probably be fighting over all of this stuff anyway! One word of caution, though: If your husband is unreasonable/irrational and unfair, do not go to mediation. Stick with a good attorney and let him advise you every step of the way.

Sorry for my tardy reply. Most of the sites I go to are child related in some way, but you may want to go over to <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com." TARGET=_blank>www.divorcenet.com.</A> They have some forums that are not child related.<P>Just a note on the possessions thing. We don't have much, but for some reason my wife wanted the television and a few other things. Since I have primary custody, I felt these things should stay where the kids are.<P>Then I came to the realization-you are going to have to pay for this stuff anyway. Either you are going to go to court and pay your lawyers or give it to her and buy new stuff. I decided to offer her anything she wanted in the house. Turns out that she decided that she did not want any of it anyway.<P>I will be around these parts a bit more, since I have now also given up on reconciliation.<P>See you round.