I guess my initial post was too long and involved........I got kicked off.....took too long to form my post.<P>I filed for divorce last June. I never cancelled the proceedings, so when the s*** hit the fan last month (or was it this month? I don't remember) all I had to do was call my atty and........well........I'm going to be single next Thursday. <P>I am not anticipating this with any joy. My rstbx (for <B>really</B>) and I have been together for 27 years - 17 of them as a married community. Okay, 13 as a married community......4 as still married. I'm in shock.<P>I know that it is the right thing for me, but it is still hard. I cried tonight because of the reality of the situation. I am sooooooo sad I wanted so badly for us to rekindle what we used to have together.) But, that's just it......we weren't together anymore. He wanted his thing, and I guess I didn't really know what I wanted after finding out about his affair.<P>I thought I wanted him.......but was never able to trust him again (with good reason). Always trust your gut.<P><p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited August 26, 2000).]

Claire,<P>WOW!!!!! That's quick!!!! I wish mine could be! <P>Just know that you tried your hardest and should have no regrets about this. Learn and grow! <P>His loss...<P>Mitzi

I'm sorry your going through this now...<P>I too will be divorced... on Oct. 10th.<P>You've been going through this for so long 3... 4... years now. You've endured so much.<P>I prayer for you and your kids.<P> <P>Jim

Hey RC,<P>Obviously, this is not the resolve any of us here were looking for. At least you have a definate date. I will be D for two weeks or so before I get the final decree in the mail. <P>So, I just can't wait. Lets see go to the mail box. Ok, I may have won a million dollars, bill, bill, Walmart flyer, bill, Sears flyer, Oh D decree.<P>Yes, it is sad to end a relationship no matter how bad it may have been. At least we now hold the tools to make the next one so much better and fulfilling.<P>I don't know about you, but, I will most definately get married again and she will be the happiest woman on the planet. The third time's a charm <P>So, yes grieve at your loss, but, know that there is a future for all of us.<P>Life sucks for everybody. I'm going to make the best of it and hope you do too.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Mitzi, Medic & NSR<P>I guess I just feel that it's 'so sudden' even if it has been a year since I started the paperwork. We (or I should say I) have gone up and down for so long and stuck it out, then the bail thing and now all of sudden away goes the marriage.......what was left of it anyway. Yeah, I'll grieve.<P>I don't even want him to touch me anymore. I don't think that it's out of my anger towards him, maybe more just because right now I feel numb.....this happen to anyone else? The mind protecting itself, maybe? That's why all I can say is <B>WOW</B>.

((((CLAIRE)))<P>I don't know what to say except that my court was June 21, and mine too will be any day now. How did you get the date like that?? <P>I am fearful of how I will feel, and I could be hit on the same day as you, as well as my anniversary is Jim's D day. <P>You'd think it'd be a sigh of relief, in a way, it may be a weight lifted, but in a way, its just another smack in the face.<P>I'll be thinking of you Thursday, post and let us know how you are, hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana ~<P>Thanks for your thoughts and the hugs. <P>I didn't even realize it, but it has been over a year since I actually filed for divorce!! He was still living with OW, but when he was served the divorce papers he <B>seemed</B> to want to right things. Except he left the part out that he was still going to communicate with OW after he moved back in (again). I knew it in my gut......<P>I 'nursed' him through his open heart surgery, paid bills while he was on disability, etc., etc., etc.......but I knew in my gut that it was still going on. You know how you can tell when your H (or stbx, or whatever) has been doing something they shouldn't? Well, I've known him a loooooonnnnng time and I knew that something was <B>still</B> going on. Even if if was "just" conversation with a "friend". The point is that he knew very well that he shouldn't be doing whatever he was doing, so he lied----over, and over, and over.......<P>I tried to tell him that WE would never have a chance to right things if he was still seeing or talking with her........but he denied it, of course. Well, what do you know? He ends up going to jail over it.....and then when I bail him out (I need him to keep his job) he goes straight to her.<P>Anyway......got off the subject (I guess I needed to vent some more )Since it had been over a year since filing, and he hadn't responded I just spoke with my attorney.......we signed a parenting program and split the assets and <B>debt</B> and away we go. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'm not really fond of what is to happen, <B>but</B> if I don't do it now, I'm afraid that I'll just back-peddle again and find myself with the same old, same old.<P>I will post on Thursday........if I can stop crying long enough to do so.......I do know that I will be miserable at the time, no matter how I "know" that it is for the best. I can't do the support him at all costs thing any more. The cost has become too high.<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited August 27, 2000).]

I was really sad when time came to go to court but it was such a liberating experience at the same time. I was sad to see the marriage end but so happy to have it behind me so that I could move on with my live and on to the next stage of healing and recovery.

cinderella - <P>Yes, I am looking forward to the healing....it's going to take time. But at least I have many, many friends (at home and here) who are willing to help me get through the rough times.<P>It's already getting easier. The less contact I have with stbx (Wow, on Thurs it going to change to just x) the easier it is.

Just got a phone call from stbx.......his computer isn't working right so he needs to come over to use mine for some end of the month stuff for work...I think I will have to be conveniently absent.