My inlaws are 3000 miles away. We have begun to become closer over the past 2 years or so. My mother in law and I write...etc. To the best of my knowledge they do not know anything...although I do have my suspicions. How have any of you delt with the inlaw issue. I don't see them...did you write them a good bye letter...I have a niece and nephew I love dearly and have shyed away from ...lately also 3000 miles away. Do I let them know if I do get in contact why we are really divorcing?<P>Thoughts? Advice?

If you're close, I would suggest you explain yourself. Try to be as neutral as possible in your tone, language, and analysis of what has gone wrong. <P>The letter shouldn't be long, but it should make clear that you feel compelled to do what you do--and that should be just about the <I>only</I> time you express your feelings.<P>Don't expect your in-laws to understand or support you--I didn't have much contact with mine toward the end, but to their credit I think they pretty much played devil's advocate with my XW's expressed intentions (despite the fact that we weren't terribly close). I certainly haven't heard from them since the divorce.

cpickel,<P>I have maintained a very warm relationship with my ex-inlaws - this despite the fact that my ex-H has already remarried OW. My inlaws invited me over for Xmas Eve. Me and my MIL talk on the phone almost every day. Sometimes I go out to dinner with them or to a movie. They were a large part of my life for 17 years and I consider them my friends and still my family. <P>If you no longer want to continue a relationship with them, then I would be as honest as possible. After all the [censored] hit the fan between me and my ex, I stayed away from them a while for my own emotional protection. But I talked to them and explained what I was doing. I told them it was too hard for me at that time. Since, I have healed remarkably and we are now very close again. Give yourself some time. I don't think I would sever all contact permanently. Maybe you could just cool it with them for a while if it's too painful.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Thanks, I really am bummed about losing contact with the kids. I worked hard to be in their lives always being the away aunt. I know that my nephew prays for me every night Divorce really does tear up the family though. Not just between me and me STBX but my family is just upset and soon his family will know ...<P>I think that I will keep in limited contact with them all. I am uncertain as to if it will work out long term. But I feel that they have a right to know that our divorce is not because we just grew apart...<P>thanks for the advice.