When..<P>Thank You! I will look into the book soon!<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Bryan,<P>you can email me at miss_dana_b@hotmail.com. its not the best MB topic and wouldn't want to get flamed either! <P>PS I have read a few excerpt from the book that was recommended,and I'm really looking forward to reading it too. It is probably a definete good investment <BR>Dana<BR>

Dana..<P>I will email you tonight when I have more time. Talk to ya then!<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

<B>If The Buddha Dated</B> is a wonderful book. I wholeheartedly recommend it. I have recommended it to a number of my friends. Well worth the $11. Author's name is Charlotte Kasl. <P>For what it's worth, I had a long, drawn-out divorce but still waited 18 months after the divorce was final before I started dating.

I had a horible experience with "dating" after divorce.<BR>about 1 or 2 weeks after my divorce was final, i got on yahoo chat and went to the rooms for my home state. Meet a woman, and talked to her for a week or two on chat and on the phone. well she came to stay the weekend at my place, we slept together. I thought it would make me feel better to feel wanted, since my ex wife rejected me. But guess what? it made me feel worse then i ever have. After she left on sunday, i could not sleep the whole night. Dont get me wrong she was a very fun woman, and we had a great time going out for the weekend. And we laughed and talked alot, she is still a friend i talk to every once in a while. But i really feel like crap cause of the sex.<BR>It was REALLY too soon for me.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Bioman..<P>Do you think that everything would have been fine if you didn't have sex with her? <P>bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

for me i dont think it would have made a difference. I missed my ex wife so much, and still do. that i was looking for someone or something to fill the void she left. I think that is maybe best to wait, sometimes when your not looking, what you want/need comes to you. I have went out on a few dates with some women. And oh sure, at the time it was great...NO SEX!! but good conversation. and they complimented me which felt good. but when it was all said and done, it still didnt make me feel as good as i thought it would. Some people are different, you may need to go out on a small date just to see how you would feel after.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

I had a date a few weeks after my divorce was final. I actually met the woman a couple days before the divorce ata Super Bowl party. We went out once and then she quit answering my calls. <P>I then dated someone in June. She broke up with me saying she didn't think we could be more than friends. There was no kissing or hand holding during the month. I had no emotional attachment so no big deal.<P>I started dating a woman in Sept and we dated for 3 months. Thing got pretty serious, but she broke up with me because she felt I made my kids #1 all the time plus she didn't agree with the way I raised my kids.<P>That breakup caused a lot of pain. All the insecurities, self doubt caused by the x's affair came rushing back. It took some time to heal from the end of that relationship.<P>I have been now dating someone for 8 months now. She was divorced one year before she started dating and I am the first one.<P>The difficulties have been in trying to get together. Our respective x's usually throw us a curve. Her x doesn't take the kids during the week. My x's weekends are usually Sat-Mon while her's is Fri-Sun. So one of us is always coming and going.<P>I agree with Dana, in that is better to wait. Get to be comfortable being by your self first. I think running out too soon to find companionship is a disaster waiting to happen. Look how low the success rate is fro second marriages.<P>Take your time, learn about yourself first.<P>Bob

Hey Bryan- my second wife had been married twice before me. I was comfortable with the explanations she gave me as to why, but now I think I should have found out more. I thought we had this stuff figured out- I had been to counseling, taken a divorce recovery class and some other classes, and been in various support groups. She seemed to be very healthy and committed. We each had kids (huge issues around this). My strong suggestion to someone now would be to get pre-marriage (or even pre-serious relationship) counseling, and make sure that you know how to RESOLVE CONFLICTS. I am VERY cautious right now, as far as dating goes. I would have liked to have had someone just to have dinner with, or go to a movie with, immediately after being divorced. It’s probably just as well that no one was there, as I realize that I (probably many whose spouse leaves them) was very vulnerable, and being alone with a member of the opposite sex could be very dangerous. Casual dating sounds good, especially after being rejected by a spouse- it'd be nice to have someone else find you desirable. But "casual" dating can turn serious quickly. What I’m thinking is this- start dating when its NOT your main focus, when you’d LIKE to be with someone, not when you NEED to be with someone; when you’re just fine with and by yourself, you will be attractive to someone else who is emotionally healthy. I know, one can’t say “its been x months, now I’m ready to date”. I think I said six to twelve months after being divorced; one of the places I got that number was from the church I go to- they like it to have been a year since the divorce was legally final (in Minnesota, this can happen quickly) before you take any classes with a potential future mate.<BR>Other things that pop in to my head regarding dating:<BR>Do I want someone to replace my wife (spouse)?<BR>Do I want someone to replace the emptiness?<BR>How often do I still think of her?<BR>Have I “cleaned house” (emotionally and physically)?<BR>Enough for now..<BR>Good luck, and have fun..

Jw3..<P>Hey JW! I am also in Minnesota! What did you mean when you mentioned that in MN it can take that long? Thanks for your views. I think that I am looking for companionship only right now. I am NOT looking for someone to replace my wife, but I feel that I am emotionally stable right now at least to be going out on casual dinner only dates! I could easily wait for 1 year, but its not going to be easy!<P>Take Care<P>Bryan <BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Jw3..<P>Are you very right! RESOLVING CONFLICTS are extremely important! I know my wife had no idea how to do this!<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

RWD..<P>Thank you! I feel that I can wait at least 1 year, but I would like to have companionship of some kind! <P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Laura..<P>Thank You.. I agree about needing more ladies and gentlemen in this world! This is very very true!<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Jabber..<P>Thank You! I think I am looking for the same affirmations that you are receiving. Its nice to hear compliments once in a while!<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years now. I have been in two serious relationships since my divorce. In hindsight, I wish I had waited. I really should have spent some time alone to work on my issues right after my divorce. But, being in a relationship and getting some validation and positive affirmations after being betrayed was something I also needed at the time. However, because I jumped into a relationship, my focus shifted from myself to the relationship and I wasn't able to heal. I'm not dating now and I am learning so much about myself right now. If I had done that after my divorce instead of dating right away, I may not have ended up in two relationships where people were hurt.<P>So, take your time. I don't think there is anything wrong with dating after your divorce. But, just don't get too serious too soon. That was my mistake. It's hard to really know someone right off the bat.<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited August 16, 2001).]

I can't contemplate having a relationship with anyone yet. First off I'm going to have custody of my children, and I am very conserned about having people coming in and out of their lives. Secondly I'm not sure trust someone, even if they truely deserved it just because of the way my wife betrayed my trust. And thirdly, I am very socially awkward and I do not have an easy time meeting new people.

Hi Bryan<P>I also am feeling lonely and just long for someone to show interest in me. Someone to chat to... to share things with... to laugh with. <P>My H has now been out the house for 5 weeks. The first few weeks were the worst. I thought I wouldn't survive on my own. Now I know that I can. In the beginning I was looking for someone everywhere I went. Now that feeling of panic has calmed down a bit. I still want to meet someone though. And I still keep an eye open, but the desperateness has left a bit.<P>I am 28 and being female and feel like there is such a shortage of good men out there. I have resorted to chat rooms and have mostly been disappointed in men calling me babe after the first 3 sentences - if that. So its really difficult to get good conversation. I have 2 guy friends, that I have seen recently and that was nice, and that is purely friendship as they both have girlfriends. Also I feel I can't have too much contact with them because of the situation. So if they contact me then I just take it for what it is.<P>I really understand where you are coming from. If you want to mail me let me know and I'll give you my address.<P>Pantha<P>

Bryan- <BR>Well, what do ya know! Do you live or work around downtown Mpls? I work in downtown Minneapolis, live in southwest suburbia.<BR>What I meant was it can take a very short time, from being married and together to legally divorced and apart. I've heard that some states or countries require a waiting period, maybe up to two years, that you need to be not living together before the divorce is legally final. In case you decide to get back together? I don't know. But here in Minnesota, as you may know, the papers can be filed and you could be legally divorced in 20-45 days (uncontested, no issues).<BR>Later..<BR>

JW3<P>Hey Neighbor. I actually live in Eden Prairie! I am encouraged to hear that the process for an uncontested divorce is that quick! I didn't want this to happen, but if she wants a divorce, so be it! There are many girls out there for me!<P>TAKE CARE !<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK