almostthere.<p>Sorry for the lateness of my reply. I admire you for keeping your children as your top priority at this point. As a BS myself, I certainly didn't invision my life being divorced at 29 with no children. However, I have many new female friends that I have made and I LOVE the companionship! <p>I think the key here is not to panic, but to enjoy life again and meet new people along the way. Let me know if you found any young guy in his 20's for you! That was FUNNY! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care and God Bless!<p>Bryan [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Just to voice my opinion on the subject....I think if you can wait at least one year from the divorce, it's good. However, I modify that for circumstances.<p>In my case, I'm not yet divorced, but have been separated from my H for almost 2 years. I will definately wait until the divorce is final, that's for sure. But because I've spent the last two years mourning the death of the marriage, and getting to know me again, I think when the D is final, I will be relatively ready. <p>Of course, you never know until you start again. But the main advice...whatever the timeframe...take it slow and easy...<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Thanks!

Good Topic!<p>Happy New Year!

Well tonight will be the first date I have had since my divorce was final in June, 2001. I agree to waiting for at least a year, but like others before me, I had been seperated for quite a long time...6 years. Way to long to have my life on hold. <p>Dating is kind of scary after so many years being married. I bought "Venus & Mars on a Date" and read it in 2 days just to feel like I would have some idea of what to do. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Wish me luck
ASM [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Stronger!<p>I wish you the best! I have been dating for 6 months now and I think its very important to take things slowly! Become Good Friends and have fun..That is the most important advice!<p>Happy New Year!<p>Bryan

Hey guys,
I have not posted in ages. I have been very busy since I met someone. I'll voice my opinion on dating since I have been divorced for 2 yrs. I was very reluctant to date at first because I didn't know where to go to meet quality men, I work 2 jobs and don't have much time, plus my 2 teenage girls are with me 24/hr 7/days.<p>If I wouldn't have taken the time to heal emotionally, then I don't think this relationship I am in now would be working as well. Everyone must take time to get to know themselves, learn to be alone and be O.K. with it and figure out what they want in a spouse. Dr. Harley's list is a wonderful place to start. I put together a list and if someone could not meet all of my requirements, then I would rather be alone than be with someone that I am only half interested in. That may sound harsh, but the 2nd time around, I don't want to make any mistakes because this will be the person I spend the rest of my life with and I want to love that person to the fullest both emotionally, physically and intellectually.<p>I was determined to find someone, so, I actually got on a site called "matchmaker.com" You can get on for a trial period of about 2 weeks and not pay a dime. You can post pictures, type in any area of the country you live in, the distance you are willing to drive, the age, etc. There is a long questionnaire you fill out, but it is so worth it because you can read how other people think and respond to the same question. You can e-mail that person privately for a while and then give out your personal info if you want. I was very lucky because the first man I picked was incredible. I actually felt like it was fate we met. Mostly because we are so much alike and his answers to the questionnaire were so similar to my thinking.<p>Good luck and keep in touch Bryan.
Karen

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by elliott-45:
<strong>Dr. Harley's list is a wonderful place to start. I put together a list and if someone could not meet all of my requirements, then I would rather be alone than be with someone that I am only half interested in.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Where did you find Dr. Harley's list and....<p>...would you mind sharing your list?<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Mrs. O,
Sorry it took me so long to respond, but I can not get on this site at work and I'm extremely busy when I get off work. If you will click on the icon at the top of the page "BASIC CONCEPTS", it is to the left of the "DISCUSSION FORUM" icon when you first log on to marriagebuilders.com Next on the left side, click on the icon "THE MOST IMPORTANT EMOTIONAL NEEDS", scroll down to the bottom of the page and there will be 10 emotional needs. As Dr. Harley states, women and men usually do not pick the same top five. I prioritized mine, then I added some of my own. Good luck!!

Thank You!

Not to beat a dead horse... but I think this topic is timeless.<p>I had a date, babysitter and all, about 2 weeks before the divorce was final. Nice guy, friend first for years. Actually used to work with [censored].<p>It has been repeated as a date, but we both decided that we are SO completely damaged that this was something not to repeat again for a few eons. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now we are happy just hanging around together and talking. <p>I'm going out this weekend with the kids from here, maybe we will be able to hunt a fellow down to at least dance with me....<p>Elizabeth

Just bumping this thread as I think it's good reading for folks in the unsteady ground between separation and divorce ...

I went out a few times before the divorce was final...mostly with others who were going through a divorce. I spent more than a few evenings listening about their stbx; not fun. Anyway...by the time I was divorced, I had been separated for nearly two years...I met someone very special in July...started dating him in September and we are still together. I think everyone needs time to heal and transition from being married to single...jumping into a relationship right away isn't fair to you or the other person. Given the different waiting periods of divorce in varying states...time after the divorce is not a fair measuring tool. It amazes me how in some states folks are separated and divorced in a matter of a few months. In my case, my one year anniversary date for the divorce was this past week...but I have been on my own for nearly three years.

Hello Bryan,<p>Long time no "chat". I don't get here often anymore, and I can't read this whole post, but I wanted to say hello and I hope things are ok for you. <p>Dana

Hi Bryan,
I have not posted or read this site in a long time because I've been busy planning my wedding [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] in one week, Saturday, May 25th. Believe me, there is love after divorce and those feelings do come back. I did not think I could ever feel again because of the emotional abuse I was subjected to.<p>All I can say is be patient and don't settle for anything less. It took me 2.5 yrs to find the man I was looking for. It has been an experience since we are already living together and there is never a dull because we have 4 teenagers. Blending families can be tough, but we both love each other so much, we are not going to let the kids get between us. They will be gone in a few years and it will just be us [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't ever give up, just remember life is all about your attitude and only you can control that!!!!

I've been separated (for the second time) since July, divorce was final in October. I'm not dating and don't have any plans to. I don't want any more complications in my life than I already have.<p>I have a friend who went through the same thing about 10 years ago. He dated a few women but had problems. Most of the women he dated had kids about the same age as his sons. When the relationships ended his kids wanted to know why their friens never visited any more. He decided at that point (about 6 years ago) that he wasn't going to date until his kids were older. He has a live-in girlfriend now and he's very happy, but he went through a lot of crap to get to that point.<p>I'm just not interested right now. I'd rather spend my spare time with my son doing things with him.

I would like to recommend a book my last therapist recommended to me. <p>If the Buddha Datedby Charlotte Kasl<p>It's meen mentioned on this board several times and is a great book. I think there are 6 or 7 people around who have read it since I first mentioned it last fall or last summer. Great book. Not so much about getting the date or behavior on the date. More about preparing your heart for the dating/loving process.

I think people should definitely wait awhile (at least 2 years) before starting to date again. I know this seems radical, but think about this. You just get out of a horrendous relationship, and you're lonely now because you've always had someone (if only to argue with). Now you've got a lot of baggage. Why take that with you into another relationship so soon. Wait until you've completely healed. Another reason why is that 60% of all second marriages end in divorce (US census bureau (1993). Think about it!!<p>And besides give your kids a break!! They may not show it but they're having an even hardeer time with this then you are.

Thanks All!

I met someone shortly after divorce and started dating, I wasn't really ready to date, but it did help me to realize I could still get a date after 23yrs of marriage. I also made a few good friends. I think it is up to the individual to decide whats is best for them.