Hi Jabber!<p>I agree! Good Luck and Take Care<p>Bryan

I had my first date 4 months after the ink was dry on the divorce decree. <p>Two dates with the same guy in the same weekend. The next day my XH and I embarked on a reconciliation. We are getting re-married in a few months.<p>God definately has a sense of humor.

I don't know if it counts as a date or not, but I'm going to meet someone next month. I hesitate to admit this... but my mother has a very nice neighbor who wants to meet me. I'm scared to death, but I figure the worst that will happen is that we won't like each other. It's not likely that she'll scream at me and take all my money the first day I meet her, is it? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It's been over a year since the divorce was final. It's time to get back to the business of living my life.

Well...if you had asked this a few months ago...there is no way I was emotionally ready to date. But I met a guy a few months before the divorce in a aclass I was taking. He has just been a great support and help around here.<p>We went out for the first time the day after the divorce. Hopefully, will keep it at the friendly stage--hard to do tho--because he is a great guy. Feelings have come up that I haven't felt in years. It is fun. I think that you just have to take it as it comes. Good Luck Pat

Well, I went out on a few dates during the seperation from 2000 to 2001..one of the men I went out with I've known since H/S, we'd been in touch through e-mail before our class reunion, and such and decided to met for dinner, and a movie, we had fun stayed out till about 3 am talking and laughing and just catching up over coffee..he was offended that I didn't invite him home w/ me..and would call me all the time afterwards, got mad if I had other plans..he's been divorced for about 4 years..and emotionally isn't ready for marriage still has a lot of anger and resentment..became very possessive really quick..started telling me how I should do things concerning my divorce..so needless to say...I deleted his e-mail address, removed him from my im, and didn't return his phone calls--<p>I also went out w/ some lady friends and met some other men...most of them wanted instant intimate relationships..and ask me for my number, and I explained to them I didn't give my number out to men I just meet..one guy gave me 5 phone numbers to reach him at..I threw them ALL away..<p>Another gentleman I went out with called me after I got home and thanked me for a nice evening..and asked when we could get together again..I said I'd have to get back w/ him..I never did..I lost his number also..something about him just made my skin crawl..<p>I'd also had a friend invite me to a New Years Eve party he lives in another state, he bought my ticket and I went for the weekend..Had a great time, but nothing happened sexually..it was all non pressure which made the experience more enjoyable..<p>And another friend I've known about 15 years came into town w/ his kids and he and I went out..he was also seperated from his wife..and going through a very ugly divorce and just needed a friend to talk to..so he came into town and we went out w/ our kids and had dinner, and went to the beach..and just had fun..it wasn't a romantic date..just two old friends getting together and having fun...<p>I guess for me the thing I've found is that going out w/ old friends, and finding me again..who I was years ago, and who I am now, and seeing how much I've changed over the years has really helped..it's helped me find a balance in who I am
and what I want in a relationship now as opposed to years ago..the guys I went out with I didn't date when I knew them years ago, we were just really good friends..<p>and we discussed why we never dated years ago..and decided we enjoyed the friendships we had and were afraid to lose that..we don't keep in touch now like we did at first..and thats okay..but we do still keep in touch..I didn't have sex w/ any of these men..because that wasn't what I wanted..<p>I used those first few dates as a time to figure out what it is about these men that made good friends..that made them fun to be with but it just didn't click..because if we are good friends..and yet it just isn't there..then what is it that needs to be there? <p>I didn't date looking for a potential new spouse..
I went as friends..and if they wanted more, I let them know I wasn't ready for that..I used those dates as a building block to help me learn about me..and what I want and need in a relationship..

Thanks Everyone!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by positivebryan:
<strong>TLC..

I am GLAD that you got out of that horrible situation!

Bryan

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

"Instead of getting married again, I think I'll find a woman I don't like and buy her a house...." Lewis Grizzard

Well I posted a while back as Concerned1 and have since then changed my email address and could not remember my password... and in either case I have remarried and was looking at all I had posted during the past two years during the first time I filed for divorced, reconciled, went to the marriagebuilders seminar and still divorced a year later... I have been divorced a year yesterday and I have been remarried for three months. The gentleman I met right before my divorce was final is who I married before the end of the year.
I am not sure why people talk about rebound and I was concerened at that time.. but since then I learned that if you have been lonely and miserable in a marriage.. your heart is ready to go on and to heal ... My marriage now is very fulfilling and he is a good man. I would not have waited to date and I wasnt even thinking about it when I met him... he was kind and sweet and fulfilled my EN completely... it was very scary at first to me... but my heart had been empty for so long and in my marriage I never felt cherished or respected ( he constantly was verbaly and physically abusive and would let me know if I didnt like it,,, there is the door... well I found that door and left.. havent looked back ever since) but there is happiness after divorce and I am glad that my previous nightmare is finally over.
Happy New Year

This is an interesting topic...

I am WH and will be dv anytime soon. 1 year of separation in April. During this time I have not dated and in fact held onto hopes of recovery but that vanished as W has been involved with OM for 3-4 months now. This revelation however didn't cause me to tailspin, as I believed I would! Rather, I have focused my sights on the Lord and the plans he has for me. During this time I have re-acquainted with some old freinds and have met "new" one's as well.

However, over the past 3-4 weeks I have contemplated over the developemtns of a friendship with OW (dv with 2 children) and the prospect of it becoming something more...I posted on this topic couple weeks ago. I have found a healthiness to the friendship which existed in my M. OW possesses many wonderful qualities which created cause for "contemplating" my next move <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

I feel the entire process of grieving my dv has come and passed and a new season has dawned...

I will pursue this relationship with delicacy and tact as I know OW's feelings to move into a new realm exist in heart, as well. To date, we have not been on a formal date but that time is quickening.

S

Thanks everyone...you are all awesome people for coming here to support each other.

I waited 4 months, it wasn't quite long enough from a sexual side but emotionally it was ok. I think it depends on the individual.

I dated the month before the divorce was final, but woman1 became serious too soon. About one month long.
Next dates were with a woman I never even KISSED. About 2 months.
Next dates were with a divorced woman who wanted sex almost immediately. (divorced 5 yrs, no dates before me) Huge learning curve for me, discovered that my issues had not been resolved yet (her's neither, but that's another story).Broke up several times in a space of 3 months.

My conclusion: don't date for at least a year, and if you have to, for the companionship, no sex. Sex has a way of screwing things up.(pun intended). Dating is a good way of "testing" your progress in dealing with your issues, but don't inflict this experimentation on someone in a serious relationship. people get hurt.

Neediness = EMOTIONAL GREEDINESS

MUZOHEAD

I am in MN and have been separated for 8 months. It would be nice to have some adult companionship but my divorce is taking too long. Funny thing though, I feel a lot less lonely alone than I did when I was married. Go figure!

Like Water..

Isn't that amazing. I also felt more lonely married! go fiqure! Could you give me a brief summary about your situation?

Thanks
Bryan

Hi Brian, my situation, hmm kind of diffcult to summarize. Ok, I'll try:
Husband drinks, has been verbally abusive, very neglectfull, doesn't believe in doing things that are good for both of us. In general wants to live life as a single man, thinking in terms of himself only ( spending a lot of $$, spending time without me, not considering me )
What about you?

This post keeps getting longer. If it continues to run, I may finally be divorced and able to answer the question.
I've been seperated 13 months now, and don't plan to date until after the D is final. But by that time it may be 2 years separated, so I may not wait too long. Plus, I've done alot of healing since then.

I was divorced for 5 months when I started dating. I don't recommend it unless you can size the person you intend to date for emotional security, maturity, etc. It was a lot tougher than I thought it would be and when this relationship dies it's natural death, I will likely not date again for some time.

neediness = greediness is right on!

Hi,

I started dating about 1 year after seperation and about 9 months after the divorce was final.
I dated about 3 different guys and then I found the one. I've never been happier in my life and we have been together now about 17 months

Jill

I, like many others, started dating before the DV was even filed. The minute I found proof of my XW's affair (after she moved out) I gave up on her and the marriage and said to hell with it. Went a little crazy by dating (and having sex with) several other women in about a 1 month period after that. I got a hold of my emotions, found myself, became happy with my self and slowed down after my "month of passion". I filed for DV, but continued to just date casually. I met my current g/f 3 days after my DV was final, and we've been together 4 months TODAY!!! She's great, and it's been wonderful having someone that cares about me the way she does. Ever hear that Collin Raye song "This Is An Ocean"? That's how I feel now. My XW was a river, and now I have an ocean. You don't know how bad it was until you find someone that is just right and truly compatible. It's all about learning from your mistakes and not making them again.