Why am I having second thoughts about filing for divorce. I know last Tuesday my H said he wanted a divorce and I went and filed because I figured if I waited for him to file, he never would.<P>My H lied to me all the time and I keep telling myself that I can't continue living with a liar, I don't want to live with a liar. Some people are telling me that I made a hasty decision in filing. That maybe my H didn't really want a divorce but said that knowing that I didn't want our marriage to end in divorce. I asked him last Friday if he was sure he wanted one and he said yes. It seems to me that just by his actions and words, he is dead set on a divorce.<P>I'm driving myself crazy - maybe because I think there is hope when I know there really isn't or never will be again. I am also hoping in the back of my mind that my H realizes that he did make a mistake in wanting a divorce but can't admit the truth. He's hurt me bad and I know that I have to continue with this. I can't see my H giving up everything he worked for to have absolutely nothing saying he wants his freedom and to be happy.

Just bumpin myself up for some help

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ela611:<BR><B>He's hurt me bad and I know that I have to continue with this.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>(((( ELA )))))<P>I don't know your story but it seems to me that you answered your own question in that statement. I think it's natural to have second thoughts but the bottom line here is that you have to do what is best for you and that's only a question that you can answer.<P>I sure hope that you "KNOW" that your situation is hopeless before you through in the towel.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Did I suggest before that if YOU don't want the divorce, then YOU shouldn't be filing?<P>It just makes it so much easier for him, don't you think? I think this should be HARD for the WS. They do all the nasty stuff, but won't file? I saw a statistic tonight that says of all divorces two thirds are filed by women. I suspect it is because a lot of them do what you did...decided not to wait around.<P>Okay, I can see a lot of peace in that, but also anger...and it didn't get results. I think a lot of male WS's would like to just sit back and let the wife do it all, for reasons unknown.<P>I have said before on this site that I am instinctive, and also that my H is just waiting for me to do the deed. I KNOW he will not do it (have I just tempted fate?) and I am damned if I will. I did not want the marriage to end, so why should I do all that stuff?<P>Think about withdrawing filing ela, but if you do withdraw...don't tell him for a while .<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

elas- you sounded like me a year ago. That's where I was. I always in the back of my mind that he'll change and will come back. That he wouldn't file for divorce even though he threaten me many times to do so. I didn't believe it. Well, he wanted me to file but I refused. So eventually, he did file it but did nothing about it. What I meant was, he filed and he just wait for me and my attorney to process all the paper work. He just sit back and relax and just agree or disagree with what we've put for him. I've asked him, this is not fair, you're the one whose filing it and yet I'm initiating all the documents and paying all the bills. Something is not right here ... I just don't understand him. He files it and wanted to move on with his life with OW, then why make me pay all the paper work. I don't mind paying if I'm the one who initiating the divorce process...<P>Anyway, my suggestion is to wait for awhile until things calm down a little bit. Let see if anything change with him. Don't file the divorce because of anger, otherwise you'll lose lots of $$$ to the atty. That's what happened to us!!! :-(<P>~Daphie