Hi All

[color:"blue"]EC... [/color]

I did not see the interview that your speaking of, but I do undrstand the "I need to run away" atttude.

My exW never said anything about wanting to "D", or leave, but she had downloaded a bunch of music on her computer that was all about that... which I later listened to after she had left. Quite an interesting listen if I must say so myself.

I can only imagine what you felt while watching it.

IMHO, most WS's feel like they need to run away.

I wonder why?


[color:"blue"]Deja Vu... [/color]

for some reason I can't go back and grap quotes without losing the whole post... so I'll just wing it.

Most WS's do exactly what your "H" does and is doing. They are never wrong, ever, about anything. You can catch them red handed in the midst of commiting whatever... and they will always have an excuse... always!

Your not seeing shadows on the wall, and your not going nuts... even though they will make you feel like you are. Your dealing with reality, and sometimes, it will drive you crazy, especially if you know your within your senses.

It's an old trick that all of the WS's do in most cases.

Go with your gut feel, and don't let his excuses lead you in any other direction.


[color:"blue"]leah... [/color]

As you can see... you, and your children are already feeling the effects of a 50/50 proposition.

I'm not kidding... 50/50 is a bad deal, and no one will ever change my mind on that. It's not good for the kids, and there is no viable studies out there to indicate anything otherwise. In fact there are many studies that indicate that it's not good for the children.

You need to stabilize their enviroment... let them know, that this is there safe place, (your home) and they can count on this being a stable enviroment.

Children need this more than ever when this type of situation is going on.

I fought for this for my children.

Do you know what the odds are of a Father getting sole custody of his children over their mother? They are not good, but I did it.

Yes... I hired the best attorney money could buy in this City, but I scrimped and saved, after being financially ruined at the time by my exW.

It was a fight... no... I'll take that back... it was a war... and my attorney told me not to look at it as anything less than a war... so I didn't.

It's still a war, as I'm heading back to Court, over what I never even thought of during the time that this was all going down. I posted what it was in your thread.

Cross all the T's and dot all the i's, I don't know how much I can stress this.


[color:"blue"]Trusting Him... [/color]

I haven't had a chance to order that book yet.. do you have any other excerpts from it.

Hope everyone is well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone,

Trusting Him,

You and Wallace have such different perspectives on this custody issue. I respect both of your opinions. Did you read my last post to you about it? I'm wondering how you think this might play out given the differences in your parenting style and my H's. Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated.


Wallace,

Thanks for all your input regarding custody. I asked you a couple of questions on the other thread. I go to the attorney tomorrow, so I'm hoping to have some questions answered then. Meanwhile, I'm thinking and praying much about what my take on all this should be. I truly want what is best for the girls. Sometimes it's hard to determine what that is.

DEJA VU,

I'll try to write you on your other thread today.

HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A GREAT DAY!!

Hey All,


[color:"blue"]leah... [/color]

I think when we walk into Court... we all want what is best for our kids.

You can do what I did if you want to...

Write a list of Pros and Cons on what it's going to be like shuffling your kids back and forth between two seperate households until they reach legal age, and see what you come up with.

Going for "Sole Custody" is a major undertaking, and the likelyhood of you getting it the first time out the gate is slim at best.

There are ways to do it... it's all in how your Attorney presents the evidence, and if there is a sufficient amount of evidence to warrant you obtaining sole custody.

Everyone's situation is different when a "M" falls apart. There is different dynamics in play from one persons situation to the others.

You and the children are already having problems dealing with the 50/50 situation, and your just starting to deal with it. What do you think it will be like... say in five years?

Will it be better, or will it be a real horror show?

Say a long prayer, and have the Lord lead your way on this, as this is a very important and long lasting part of your lives that really need to be taken into consideration.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color] - I seem to recall (maybe incorrectly) that after your exW left, she never contacted you or the kids. Basically you knew going into this final stage of Divorce (after several false recovery attempts and a long period of time) that she didn't want to be responsible for the kids. Right? Had she given any indication she'd fight you for custody of any sort?

This is different from [color:"blue"] Leah [/color] , whose H is saying he wants to be involved with their little ones(at this time, anyway) and wants some partial custody. And don't forget the extenuating circumstances surrounding Leah's other situation, which may very well come into play with a court decision about custody. I'm not sure she can be as assertive as you were able to be, because of that.

I didn't want to stir anything up, just remind everyone that Leah's situation has that extra unique element from several weeks ago...and to be thinking/praying for her tomorrow when she sees her lawyer.

Hi All,

[color:"blue"]leah... [/color]

Good luck at the attorney's office today!

Hope everything goes well under the circumstances.


[color:"blue"]avondale... [/color]

I'm going to clarify some of my suggestions to leah so maybe all will understand.


One part is correct... in fact the only communication from my exW came this past April in the form of a B-day Card on my YD's B-day.

To recap... I was legally seperated from my W at that time for almost a year with divorce proceeding in process, which were initiated by me.

Yes there were false recoveries... all told over 23 years... about 17 of them.

In the divorce papers, I requested "Sole Custody" of my children. I had gathered many years of info on my exW to utilize it against her.

She originally was asking for "Sole Custody" on her behalf during the "D" process, but gave up due to the fact that the kids wanted nothing to do with her life style, and eventually her... so she dropped it completely, gave up, and the rest is history.

Thanks for smacking me in the head though... I think I did indicate that everyone's dynamics are different, but I did however forget about the other circumstance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Now that my memory has been jogged... it does make for a tough situation... I forgot all about that.

[color:"blue"]leah, you need to try to get that cleared up as soon as possible... you don't want that hanging over your head during this D proceeding. [/color]

50/50 is still a bad idea IMHO, but under the circumstances, it may be the best option for leah at the moment.

You can always go back to Court later on down the road and try to change it, like so many people caught in this wonderfulness have to do.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace - I would never *smack* you in the head! Well, maybe Relady and I did once or twice cuz of your GF doings <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />... But I just wanted to remind EVERYONE about that other THING that's going on in Leah's life. Hopefully that can be concluded soon, so it can't become a "bargaining tool" her H can use to try hold over her.

avondale...

You can go ahead and smack me anyway... because I still have G/F problems.

Again, thanks for the reminder, and I couldn't agree more about leah clearing that up. Hoepfully it won't become an issue.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Leah: I would to comment on the child custody issue. I agree with Wallace when it comes to the 50/50. It will be a pain in the ----. Heed my words. I have heard nothing but horror stories about this type of setup. Kids need stability and going back and forth will be a nightmare for you. 50/50 is a guilt trip arrangement by one of the parents to convey to the kids that things have not changed, but things have changed. What happens when one of the parents wants to move on with their life, are they still going to want to do a 50/50? Is 50/50 a way of getting out of or reducing child support? You need to think about this very carefully because after this is put in place, it will be hard to remove.

Dejavu: Putting the blame on others is the classic behavior of a WS. That's what they do. Their heads are in the clouds. They don't want to see reality because they are not living in reality.

Wallace: I cannot believe you are still dealing with CS issues. When is your OD wedding?

Avondale: What are you doing for the holidays?

EC: Nice to hear from you again.

Me: I've been very busy to the point of exhaustion. Trying to help friend who has not filed business return for five years. The IRS is trying to eat him alive.

Later.

Petvet,

Thanks for your input. I am considering all that you've written. I can see where this arrangement could be a pain to everyone involved. I'm doing what I can to get things in the best possible position for the girls and I.

Wallace,

Thanks again for all your thoughts. Yes, I do need to get this other wonderful thingy dealt with. I'm hoping and working toward the best outcome in that situation. In fact, I changed lawyers due to my last lawyers attitude toward the situation. I'm much happier with this lawyer.

I feel she is going to protect and fight for my rights in this situation. Hopefully, the situation we're speaking of will not have any bearing on the custody situation once it is resolved. This is funny... I feel like I'm talking in code. Hopefully, you can all follow my "spy speak" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Avondale,

Thanks for listening the other night. As I told Wallace, the appointment with the attorney went well. I feel much better working with this lady. Hope you have a nice weekend! Mine is quiet as the girls are gone with their dad. Hopefully, they're having fun going through the rapids together.

DejaVu,

Hi there. Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes through all of this. We will keep encouraging each other to be strong and to be careful of what we listen to and believe. How has it been going? Have you been able to stay away from the "shmooze"? That's what I call all my H's "sweet talk". I keep watching the actions and being very careful of the words. Keep looking up Deja Vu.

Hi Trusting Him, E.C. , Relady and Everyone Else

Hope all of you are enjoying a great weekend!

Hey y'all!
It isn't often that [color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] posts on the weekend. Are you still seeing your "Buddy" ?

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - I'm glad your appointment went well. I guess that's confirmation that changing lawyers was a good move. I had to laugh when I read your comment about "spy speak". That's exactly what we're doing, LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] - Has anything more happened with you? What was the "fallout" after that email you sent your H ?

Hope [color:"blue"] everyone [/color] has a good weekend.

Well, I forwarded the stuff to H from my attorney on Thursday - it showed that he owes me 6 figures from the house! I was expecting an explosion. Instead, I got a phone call (message left while I was gone) and an E-Mail saying to call him (this of course he wants to do this over the phone or in person, because that's what he always wants to do). He was very cordial. He thanked me for forwarding this to him. He said he didn't really understand the figures but it didn't matter - at this point he just wants to know what I'm expecting from him. Sounds like he's resigned to whatever I say at this point.

So, I'm debating - my attorney may be right about what I'm "entitled" to, but it sounds too high to me, and I know he can't come up with that, even if he sells the house. I really don't want to force him to sell the house. That seems too harsh. So, I'm inclined to come up with a number I think might be more doable, and then give him 2 or 3 years to come up with it. That way he could get the place fixed up (like fix the holes he punched in the walls, etc.) - and do some financial planning over the next couple of years. I believe if I give him 3 years, my chances will be better of actually getting the $$. With that and other $$ I should be getting around that same time, I might even be able to semi-retire. Or at least have a decent nest egg to build - something I had thought was history now with this divorce.

I really don't want to talk to him in person. But I'm not sure what the harm would be. Tomorrow I will address this one way or another.

Hey everyone - Petvet, Leah, Wallace, Avondale, Trusting Him, E.C., and anyone else I missed - how are you all? Having a good weekend, I hope!

I have some other news - I met someone today! Though I know it's going nowhere, I don't care because it was a real turning point for me. I'll write more about this later...

Update - the latest (Monday night) is H is debating the $$ my attorney came up with and is trying to manipulate me into accepting less than 1/5 of what my attorney says he owes me. When I don't agree to that, he says, "I thought you didn't want to go the lawyer fight route... it's so sad that it has come to this..." And he's threatening to sell the house so I can see what the real numbers look like. I'm thinking... go ahead. Who suffers if he has to sell the house? Not me. Maybe I won't get my $$, but he's throwing the baby out with the bath water. He'll have nothing either - all to prove a point to me at his own expense. Is that stupid or what?

I think it's idle threats, trying to make me see it his way. (I had told him I'd give him 3 years to get me my $$ - that's lots of time for him to evaluate his strategies.) The amount he wants me to accept is less than 1/2 the equity after paying off the mortgages - and doesn't even take into account that I should first get my initial downpayment back - money that was mine before I ever knew him. He seems to think I should split that with him too.

I don't care if he thinks its sad. I think its sad he had to throw me away, and sad that he thinks he should be able to do that without having to pay any price for it. Sad that he thinks he should get more than I do from the house because he's broke. As if that was the criteria. Sad that he thinks I should give up the assets I had before I met him - even though he signed then away in the prenup (assets I need for future medical needs, which is why they were in the prenup to begin with).

He had insisted we talk on the phone, and I opted for E-Mail instead. He's trying to find every way he can to wear me down and give in.

Hi all!

Avondale: Yes, I posted on the weekend. As I have said before, I need to get back into the swing of things with this thread. Oh! yes Buddy & I are still an item. We are cruising right along. Thanks for asking. What are you doing for the 4th?

Leah & Dejavu: You guys need to hold your WS to their responsibilities. Be fair but don't be foolish. It takes alot of money to take care of a house and kids. Kids can eat like hogs you know. Since your WS want their freedom, let them pay for it. Freedom comes at a price. Don't let them guilt trip you.

Wallace: What are your plans for the 4th?

Me: I am going to the Big Easy for the 4th. I have a question for everyone. What is the opinion about prenups? Honestly, are they a good thing?

Later.

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - Did you tell your H that you would settle for less than what the lawyer said in an effort to compromise? If so, and he's still balking (and offering 1/5 of that even with your generous 2-3 year time frame) then it would appear that your lawyer may have to step in. Remember, even though you are paying for them, one of their purposes is to be the intermediary when you and H can't agree.(I know you know that!) How can your H sell the house without your approval? Doesn't your name need to be on the listing contract or something?

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - My opinion on prenups is this: When I was 20 years old I had no assets and therefore didn't need one when we got married. If I ever get married again (and I may not!) then I would definitely have one, simply cuz I now have assets (house, investments, etc.). Those of any age with assets should probably have a prenup, and if their fiancee really loves them, they would be cool with it. I think when one gets my age (45+) it's a lot more common than with people who are younger, especially with those who have been married before, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ARE YOU ASKING BECAUSE YOU'RE THINKING OF GETTING MARRIED SOON? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]Me [/color] - For July 4th my son will be home that week, so we might do the cookout thing...then he'll probably go hear some band play and I'll recuperate from the whirlwind of activity that surrounds him, LOL

How's [color:"blue"]everyone else [/color] doing? What are your plans for July 4th?

Petvet,

Glad to hear you and Buddy are going strong. Prenup? Sounds like wedding bells might be in your future. I agree with Avondale about the wisdom of having a prenup. There's the silly, romantic side of me that would hate to have one but there is also the practical side that could certainly appreciate having one. Whether or not I would have one would probably depend on who I marry and what the circumstances are surrounding the marriage.

I'm still trying to follow your advice regarding not being foolish with giving too much away when it comes to a divorce. I'm trying to find the balance of being wise but not greedy. [color:"blue"] [/color] [color:"blue"] [/color]

[color:"purple"] [/color] Avondale,

Sounds like good plans for the fourth. I think I'll be heading to the beach to see my sister. I hope you have a good holiday.
[color:"purple"] [/color]

[color:"red"] [/color] Deja VU,

Your husband reminds me so much of mine. He is using some of the same lines. I'm trying to not be intimidated by his threats. Like you, I've been trying to negotiate things with husband but am finding I probably need to turn things over to my lawyer. It's hard isn't it? Hang in there and have a good day. [color:"red"] [/color]

[color:"blue"] [/color] Hi Everyone else - Hope you're all doing well! [color:"blue"] [/color]

Hi... Just wanted to ask how do you get colors? I keep trying to use the colors but it doesn't take. I click on the color and it comes up on the screen as saying blue or whatever but then when I post it's still all black and white. What am I forgetting? Thanks from your incompetent computer friend.

[color:"#ff1123"]Leah [/color] - (my computer friend)
In these bulletin boards, every color has a "hex" number code. There are thousands available, many more than just the eleven shown here at MB. There are two methods (that I know of) to add [color:"green"] colors [/color] .

Option #1) Make sure you reply to a specific post (using the reply button on the banner of that post)instead of the handy "open window" at the bottom of the page, [color:"brown"] OR
[/color]
Option #2) If you use the "open window" at the bottom of the page, make sure you check [color:"660077"]"preview my post". [/color]

[color:"147CB5"] THEN[/color] , (either way) you are in the window that has the smileys, UBB codes, and font colors. If you chose option #1, you will type the text in the preview window and can add color as you go [color : blue] [color:"blue"] THE TEXT NEEDS TO BE BETWEEN THESE CODES [/color] [/ color] to be color. (I fixed the codes so you can see what I'm talking about - normally they're computer [color:"aa555"]magic [/color] and aren't visible once the page is posted).

If you choose [color:"880044"]option #2 [/color] , and your text is already typed but you're previewing it, you can still add color by highlighting the text you want to be colored, hit [color:"666633"]"CTRL key and letter C" [/color] at same time (this is "copy" shortcut) and then hit the color button. This will erase the word you wanted to be color, but if you then position your cursor between the codes (as outlined above) and choose [color:"992244"]"CTRL key and letter V " [/color] at the same time (this is paste shortcut) then the word you highlighted will be color. [color:"orange"] You can always preview this again to confirm you did it right [/color] .

[color:"red"] Avondale [/color] - I have forwarded everything to my attorney and asked H to call him. The latest - today - is two E-mails saying basically the attorney doesn't know about the contributions H made so therefore isn't considering everything. So, I wonder, why doesn't he call him then?

And saying how he misjudged my "character" - thinking I would be a fair person.

I got to tell you - his E-Mails are making me feel terrible. I am really confused. I don't want to destroy him like he says I am trying to do. But he also selectively forgets his awful role the first 5 years of our M. And the fact this WAS his idea - but he didn't count on things working out this way. The thing is, he really thinks I'm destroying him and I'm sure will tell everyone that. We do travel in the same circles.

[color:"red"] Petvet [/color] I had a prenup. Ask me when this is over with, if it did me any good or not.

Hi everyone,

Well, I guess where do I start since I have my war face on with my CS issues going on as we speak. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]leah... [/color]

You can just call me Bond... James Bond.

That was funny... spy speak... LOL, if that's what we have to do, then so be it. (I'm going to qualify this for all... this has nothing to do with anyone on this thread or on this board for those of you that may not be informed).

Anyway... it sounds like you made a good move by getting rid of one attorney in favor for one that will fight for you.

This is for both you and [color:"red"]Deja Vu [/color], and as much as I hate to say it... you both are in a war with your spouses... and it's a take no prisoner type of war.

leah... keep us informed as things progress here, as I believe you made a wise decision, and get that other little thing taken care of before you head in to "D" Court. You really need to get that reduced or dismissed if at all possible... preferably dismissed.



[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color]

Glad to hear that you had a prenup, and I'm sure you have pulled it by now. If you haven't... then pull it out now!

IMHO, and I'm kinda like this... My exW and I use to run around the same circles... but I decided I didn't like these people, so I went for the take no prisoners approach... and I said goodbye to all those phony people... and made all new friends at Church, and at other variuos meeting places.

Your being more than nice with your "H", and I would just say, "this is it my friend"... take or leave it! I guess he should of thought about that while he was out there playing the fool.

It sounds to me... like he is trying to take advantage of you by playing the sympathy card. I wouldn't let him get away with it.




[color:"blue"]Petvet... [/color]

A Prenup?

Never leave home without it!

I've already told my G/F that there will be prenups. At first, she didn't like it... I wouldn't consider anything less my friend. avondale hit the nail right on the head as always.

I'm just going to hang out in Denver for the 4th.

Go out to a baseball game with G/F and Kids... watch the Rockies lose, and enjoy the fireworks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]avondale... [/color]

Sounds like your going to have nice 4th.

Are you excited about your Son being there?

I know how you both got along some time ago... hopefully it's doing better now.

Well all... I have to go move furniture for my G/F that I already moved once already... I'm really starting to dislike this HGTV channel.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

DeJavu: It's kinda funny. We have all heard the old "you are trying to destroy me ploy" given by the WS. You are correct when you said that you are hearing the same thing from your H that Leah is hearing from her H. Most WS are all the same. They play the same games. When I made the comment about being foolish, I was not calling you foolish, but I was warning you to be wise to not give up too much that you may need later.

Avondale: I did not know you had a son. Did you bring up his existence before? I may have just forgotten. Does he have any contact with his Father?

Wallace: Your GF is a spend thrift huh? I hope she has has a large basement and garage because she will be using them.

Me: My reason for asking about the prenup is Christians types like pastors or the like are against them. I am told it is a power play. I guess it depends on how it is worded. I think Avondale's comment about if someone really loves a person they would agree to a prenup is not necessarily a fair accessment. For some reason, I think the wording is important.

Later.