Hi Daycare,<P>I am glad that I did not offend you. I was really worried that I was causing more pain on top of an already painful place in your life.<P>I think it is a good idea to really take time for you. Be strong with your H and let him know your boundries.<P>I just want you to know that I really know how it feels. Tony has emotionally abused me for so long. I still feel such an empty place inside of me. I doubt myself all the time. I use to be such a nice person now I am either dead inside or so full of rage. I am not me anymore. I have decided that I am just going to find me again and what I want and need out of life.<P>I mean I guess I am lucky because I have no children and Tony has not fathered any children with all his women. He is going to therapy for all his issues. In July while in Nantucket he got drunk and made a pass at his sisters best friend. He told me he got drunk just left that bit out until a week ago. He was kind enough to tell me while we were on vaction. <P>I think Tony knows he is on his last legs. Durring vacation I just told him that he has done enough. I informed him that I just did not love him anymore. He would have to work very hard to win me back and get his life in order. If he does not by the new year I am going to ask him to leave.<P>So Daycare I know what it is like. I also know we deserve better.

Hi again Pat. Sorry for your pain - I too believe my H has some sort of "problem". I can very verbally abusive (only when provoked, due to Chris' lies or his attacks on me). My mother was very verbally abusive with us as kids and to my father as well - and she still is to this day. While I was growing up "it was normal". Now I know it's not and it kills me to hear her talk to my dad. Then when me and my H get into an argument and I see "my mother" in me - I just freak. However, I don't have to "react". I'm working hard on that.<P>My H too - like Tony has some obsessive traits. My H - if the house was burning down - he would be too busy organizing the cabinet or making sure everything was picked up and put in it's proper place rather than to focus on what's "at hand". He has always had a weakness for women and especially with women who are down on their luck or or someone he can "help" and be the knight in shining armour. I don't know how many females he has helped with money problems, boyfriend problems, you name it - he simply has no boundaries and until perhaps recently (time will tell) never realized it was causing a problem in his life. I hope that you and I can realize our own self worth and realize that life is too short to "settle." You know, these men don't realize that it would take a lot of work to get that "love" feeling back. It makes me feel like I will never let myself care about someone that wholly again - because it's too painful.<P>------------------<BR>

Hey Daycare,<P>Oh how I know the focus on everything but the issue at hand. Tony's number one favorite excuse is "The system is at fault". My number one pat answer back is the system did not make you try and pick up your sisters best friend this summer.<P>It just gets old. Right now Tony is doing everything in his power to make me happy. The sad thing is that a) I know it is because he is scared to loose me and b) it is only temporary. <P>He does this every so once in a while to get back in my good graces. <P>I am sorry you have to deal with this. I wish I could wave my wand and make it all go away and change your H. Do you think because your Mom was verbally abusive you have that pattern in your mind set that now you allow your H to do the same? My sister would always tell me how ugly I was and that no one would love me. My Mom never really did anything to stop my sister so I feel by her in-activity she basically santioned it. I have tried talking to my Mom about how she so loved my sister that she did not care for me but Mom does not see it. I think it helped and hindered me. I am super independent but at the same time I really have problems with my self worth. I devalue myself all the time in everything I do.<P>