I will try--do you know what I mean by the gross feeling you get--I just feel awful and I can't believe that he didn't even call and have our son talk to me.

I think this is all getting me because I don't know what is going on and I haven't got to talk to his mom to find if she knows anything.

AD-
I re-read 180 list and I have been doing well with all the things that would be visible to H--some of the things for me--not so much but not all bad.

Sorry to be in such a funk right now. Maybe I will hear something tonight but I'm not getting my hopes up.

AD-let me know when you want to chat so I can explain the whole situation and you won't get so confused and you will understand why it is strange to me that my Dad hasn't yet found out at his work about OW being w/OC.

I will try to stay positive I just remember H saying he would start the divorce when he got back from trip(he said that last week)so I thought this was the time he would tell them but according to him they already know--NOT--according to his mom.

I will be off in a hour and have to vacumm at home and tidy up etc.--I think that I will take a nice long bath--pamper myself and hey do I answer the phone if he calls???

Need feedback on that you guys.

Have a good night and many hugs BBYG--sure you will get more than hugs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ May 05, 2004, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: albany ]</small>

Just wanted to share.


I believe


I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.

I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.

I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.

I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally .
different.

I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

Send this to people YOU BELIEVE In...
I just did.

Hey Albany - Hang in there. It is so tough to be going through this, especially when your son is away too. That definitely makes it worse. The first weekend my H took kids after he moved out was when I hit rock bottom. As much as H put me through, the kids were keeping me strong and sane. When they were gone, it is like everything just hit like a ton of bricks. It was like I was seeing what life would be like if H and I divorced - kids visiting H on weekends. I hated it. This is not what I want for me or for the kids. I just wish H would wake up and see that he would be causing kids so much harm. Hang in there though. Once your little one is home, you will feel better. And if H calls, I would pick up. Don't let him know what you have been going through. Ask how the trip is and ask to talk to your son. Don't make a big deal about it.

Take care of yourself.
Kris

Thanks KrisM

I hope it all works out--I hope I didn't push him away this last time for good by demanding answers to soon and not letting him come out of the fog on his own.

It feels not good to me I have a bad feeling right now but I think AD explains those feelings of doom well. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also wanted to point out that right now, your nerves are shot. That being the case, I wouldn't rely too heavily on your "feeling/emotions" to determine whether your H is done or not. Relying on your feelings right now, when you are so emotionally drained, will only make the roller coaster ride more stomach turning! You know what I mean? One day, he gives you a hug, and you might want to plan your 50th wedding anniv. party. The next day, he's gone to visit his folks--no call from him--and you're sure he wants a divorce. Try not to give into your "feelings", or I'm afraid you will drive yourself crazy. Not only that, but I believe at this point, going on feelings alone, will steer you wrong.

Try to step back and seperate yourself as much as possible from the situation, and think with your head.

I'm trying but as you say it is so hard. He took our son and one of our dogs with him and I guess I didn't realize how much they keep me going and occupied.

KrisM--what is your current status-would love to hear and update.

Well he just called to let me know how things were going. And asked how it was going here and I said good. He sounded okay but I couldn't get a feel one way or the other for the situation between us.

He asked if there was certain time I wanted our son dropped of tomorrow night--he said I don't know if you have plans.

Hey Albany,

Sounds like you are feeling better, how did you act while talking to H? Did you manage to 180? It is very hard to do them all & well at that.

Listen to this I get a call this evening from the day care center that H's daughter goes to, they are looking for H, called the house since his cell is disconnected, asked who I was, then asked if I was the baby's mom! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> The day care wanted to let him know about something to do w/ public assitance and money, she was talking in code, kept saying he would know what she was talking about, but of course ME I am just the wife so why do I need to know anything. I am a tad pissed, not about the money I know he has to pay CS & should, just the fact that it goes along w/ secrets & lies to me. It is like part of his "secret life". So I don't know about the SF going on tonite now.

I am not going to turn this into a big LB but I don't appreciate it plus it was embarassing, H seems to be so proud to be a dad why not tell everyone how she got here?

WTHeck! Why are they calling YOUR H about public assistance and $$$$$$. He is not on public assistance so that is none of his business either. AND even if OW and OC are, it is confidential. They are not supposed to be sharing info w/ him. All I can think about is that OW has a deductable for childcare and has referred them to him for payment. Even so, that is not for them to be calling him. how stupid!

Yah, try not to LB, i would be!!!!!!arghh! Just let him know, non-chalantly that they called looking for him & it was "something about public assistance & $$$$". No need to say anything more.

Let him love you, why not? just go for it, and your right, you have needs too. You don't have to deprive yourself. You ARE the one married to him, you are the only one w/ the right to enjoy SF w/ him so go ahead! That's my vote! Men feel closer after SF so that could be a good sign that he also wants to feel close to you!

KT,

I thought the whole thing was stupid too that they woould call & it wasn't anything life altering so wait til he gets his cell on or call OW, being that I think if I had said I was the mother she would have told me what the real deal was.

I just burned me up that she seemed not to know the deal, did she think he lived w/ OW or that D was mine, guess so, since she asked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

But you are right, I will mention it not LB, or blow it out of porportion, it is not worth it to me & it would greatly disturb my new found peace.
Guess this is what they call a "trigger" I am glad I had time to vent about this here before he comes home.

I will let him love me, mention if afterwards or maybe in the morning, the devil is a liar & no weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Thanks again as always for your words of wisdom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H and I had only about 2 minute conversation. I acted indifferent did 180 stuff-didn't ask him questions.

Talked to his mom later when my H was not at his parents house--he has not said a word about us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> of course--stressed myself for nothing.

Phone rang at 11:30pm last night-it rang a few times before I answered it--I was sorta asleep-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> it was H. He asked if I was asleep--I said no-not sure why I said that--but he could tell that I was kinda of out of it.

He asked why I took so long to answer--it was one of those times when you heard the phone but it took a few to register. He actually said do you have someone there?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> --I said no and then he said well why so long to answer the phone and I explained it--a little worried I guess--180 things must be working. He said that he would call when he left on his way home.

Come to think of it he never said why he called and I was so out of it I didn't ask--but I think we all know why he called. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BBYG--I hope you had a good night. update us this morning please if you want to.

<small>[ May 06, 2004, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: albany ]</small>

Hey,

Albany you should have asked him why when he asked if someone was there, that is not really his concern since he left your home is it? Maybe next time you should not answer at all if he calls that late, especially since he wanted nothing! I am in a devilish mood today, can you tell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Well I strayed from the 180 again, asked about the call from the daycare, he got defensive right away & said he didn't know why she would call him at home about that, & it was to do w/ payment & public assistance. He later apologized for snapping at me & I told him it was embarassing to me that I was telling this woman that I am his wife but the baby is not mine. After that we had a good nite, I don't feel used today but I have questions now that I can't ask since I am doing the 180.

Well I will see if he is still nice & loving today, now that he got his "fix".

Hey everyone !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have been so busy lately at work and haven't been on, but I have been reading. BBG93, Good for you, did you get your fix too! Albany I know what it feels like not to have your children w/ you. When H took D on his weekends it would drive me crazy ! (When we split up last yr) Its best to keep busy while they are gone. Do some sewing, painting, something to keep your mind off of it. Thats what I did. When you paint or sew you have to think of only what you are creating, and enjoy it when its done. Makes you feel good to use a gift God has givin you. FIND A GIFT TO USE ! Everyone has one. Or do what I did and go to class and develope one. LOL Me a H are doing good, no LBing, LOTS OF LOVIN!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And the boat is in the water this weekend. Have the kids,and their friends some of our friends, great time to be had. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oh my 17 yr old D (who went to live w/ her dad in Oct of 93) found out the grass on the other side isn't greener either. She is wanting to move back home. We will take it slow on that too. She hasn't been visiting since but came over last weekend and realized she missed us and wants to come home. My attorney loves me !!! Dropped in to say HI <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> And hope everyone is having a good day.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> See ya Sunny

Hey Sunny,

Yes I got my "fix" too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I just know his MO & it wouldn't surprise me if he goes back to being unattentive & no so loving & talkative.

Looks like you are gearing up for a great weekend, ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY!!!! It is always so great to hear good news from you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tomorrow I am going to a friends graduation, & then out to celebrate, Saturday I plan to have my Goddaughter over nite & spend sunday honoring my mom & being w/ my family. I am taking Monday off so I am looking forward to that too. Letting no grass grow under my feet anymore. Not sure if H will do anything for me on Mothers day, & if no it's ok. Pre A & D being born he always took me out even though I had no baby for him, oh well NO MORE LOOKING BACK!!!

Kris, & JT how are you both today? I pray all is well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Albany - I believe was beautiful thanks for sharing it!

HEY GIRLS,

So how's evryone this morning? I am doing okay I guess. I did a huge LB last night. I came home with some info involving the OW staring me in the face. I immediately blew up and even called him at work to tell him of my frustrations. I then commenced to tell him that I was done, finished with this marriage. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I feel as though I am getting nowhere with him and don't want to keep being hurt by this A. I don't want to live this wat or relive it every single day. I have no peace it seems.

I know that the devil is always busy but how much more can I take it has been long enough. I don't think that we are growing from this situation. We keep on repeating the same old cycle.

I am losing all hope and the will to go on with this it seems that it would be much easier to just let it go and start anew.

My pastor would say otherwise, yet I can't live for anyone else's thoughts. I have been drained by this whole situation and don't feel like I want to go on with it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have to almost beg for SF from him - He claims it's great when we do but I could count the times that we have done it in the past eight months. I am tired of feeling like a failure and a train wreck waiting to happen.

H just called me while I am in the process of writing to you girls. i could hardley talk to him. He called to tell me that I was right about some insurance matters and wants my help to clear it up or get him in a better situation about it.

He also told me that he was going to clear the incident that got me upset on yesterday up today; however I told him that he told me the same thing back in December. It is still not corrected can you believe it. It is so annoying to have it come right to my face and my house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I could not help it I just told him that he promised me that he would fix it months ago and I could no longer talk to him about it so I told him that I had to go and I hung up the phone.

I am just sick of the lies and the pain of it all.

What the H*** do I do now? (Please excuse the language I am p*ssed!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

JT,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel as though I am getting nowhere with him and don't want to keep being hurt by this A. I don't want to live this wat or relive it every single day. I have no peace it seems.

I know that the devil is always busy but how much more can I take it has been long enough. I don't think that we are growing from this situation. We keep on repeating the same old cycle.

I am losing all hope and the will to go on with this it seems that it would be much easier to just let it go and start anew.

My pastor would say otherwise, yet I can't live for anyone else's thoughts. I have been drained by this whole situation and don't feel like I want to go on with it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel your pain I do, I have been there & was there last week big time. I know you are tired & giving up look very inviting but try to hold on. I really don't think you have reached the point of being sick & tired of being sick & tired. I know it seems like YOU are doing all the work here & H is still lying or doing things behind your back. While my H was living w/ OW he put her car on OUR insurance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I only found out after he came home & our ins. agent told me we had 4 cars & I knew we only had 3! It took him FIVE months to take care of this, all the while I was LBing all over the place which probably made him take longer to do it. While they "played house" who knows what deals he set up for her. So I know about your frustation & anger over things concerning OW staring you in the face & affecting you. Try to calm down & not LB, even though you feel like taking his head off.
Are you doing Plan A?

Starting over won't be as easy as it sounds, you have a family to think of & this is your M, fight for it! God will give you strength when you think you have none left, he will also put no more on you than you can bear.

JT2--BBYG is right and she has given me hope and the desire to keep fighting just when I felt like giving up.

You are strong and you will have to be the one to do all the work mainly right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I know that is hard as I keep thinking why I'm I doing all the work and I'm not the one that went out and had affair and OW pregnant.

Think of you kids and realize it didn't fall apart over night and it will take even longer to put it back together.

We all have our bad days/weeks and you will get through this and I believe any marriage that survives this will be a very strong one in the end.

I give you a big ((((((((HUG))))))))) and I will tell you that you can do this you have not just one but two children with WS--please keep the faith.

I understand all your angry and realize that I'm just getting to the point where I can go without LBing--I use to all the time and takes lots of effort and control to not LB.

Vent away and keep writing if it makes you feel better--we are here for you.

Thank you, All of you!

I appreciate all of the support because I have no where else to go for it. I don't want family and friends in my business so I try to keep it all in but it's killing me.

Thank you for everything i can't tell you where I would be if I had not found this site. I would hate to even know where I would be. My life is a wreck and it seems to be getting worsem, but I am going to look on the bright side and pray long and hard about what I want from my H and this Marriage.

Lots of love to you all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I feel sorry for everyone not doing good. I just hate it. But remember anything worth having is worth fighting for!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have bad days and good days. I come here to vent and it helps soooo much. That way when I confront H, I have thought it through and its not as ugly. Chose your battles ! Don't sweat the small stuff ! These are some of the things I try to keep in mind when things come up. Don't let these so called women break your home up. Its not a win / lose thing. Its a doing the right thing, thing. Do whats right for you and your children! Listen to your heart because your mind will drive you crazy thinking about things that are not there, and is good for over reacting ! I have each one of you in my prayers and hope it works out for all of us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

YEAH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I get to see my son in a few hours my H should by back with him around 7:00pm pst. I haven't seen him since Monday morning--seems like forever.

Hope you guys all have a good night.

I will give you an update of how tonight goes.

Hello everyone. I am hoping that this is the outlet and help that I am looking for. Cyn1018-I read your posting, and I have to admit that it made tears well up in my eyes, and gave my co-worker goosebumps. On 9/17 of last year (my 2nd wedding anniversary) I found out that the sister of my husband's co-worker was pregnant with "my husband's baby". I was completely devastated. My world has been turned upside down. We have been trying to have a child for 3 years and so you can imagine how I felt. The pregnancy was awful for me...her calling for updates and wanting him to go to dr appts. I have cried every day for the past 9 months...My husband decided that if I would keep him that he wanted to stay with me and that everything was a big mistake. It sure would be a lot harder to forgive and give a 2nd chance if the baby wasn't in the mix. Well, I love my husband so much, and I feel like he is trying to make amends in our marriage...but I am still so hurt! The baby was born almost 3 wks ago. My heart hurt so bad...I just laid in bed hugging my pillow and crying...noone knows the pain until you have been there...noone knows how it hurts to be alone, and wonder where he is... I am in nursing school and ALMOST failed my last 2 semesters b/c of all this...I am trying so hard to pick myself up and carry on, but I CANNOT FORGET OR STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. I need support and advice from people who KNOW. Not people who think they know but have never been there...they mean well, but they don't truly understand. God Bless everyone...we all need it... Kristin