My son has been divorced for nearly 6 years.

In 1995, his ex ran off with his former best friend. Their 2 sons were visiting us at the time. Ex-DiL found out that we knew what she had done (the OM's wife called us), so she didn't come to pick up the boys. She stayed gone a month, and then came back to our son. We welcomed her back, thinking that she had learned her lesson.

8-1/2 months later, our granddaughter was born. Although we thought maybe she might belong to the OM all during the pregnancy, it really didn't matter to us. Son was willing to accept her as his, so H and I were, too. However, I do believe that she is our biological grandchild. She looks like my side of the family, and the hospital notation of Estimated Due Date was 3 weeks after her actual birth, plus she was a much smaller baby than her brothers, so I do believe she was premature.

A couple of years ago, ex-DiL and her then BF broke into son's house and stole some checks. When he informed her that he would not cover them for her and had reported the checks as stolen, she brought all 3 kids to him and disappeared for 6 weeks. We assume that she finally paid off the bad checks she wrote.

In February, she informed our son that she was remarrying and moving to another state. Son, who has always been consistently involved with his children, told her that he would never agree to her taking the children so far away. She agreed to relinquish custody to him. A couple of weeks before she was due to move, someone turned her in to DHS, and DHS were questioning the kids at school. I don't know the details of the report, but I'm not surprised. The last time I was at their house, I could hardly take a breath for the stench from her dogs. The house was filthy. Anyway, she brought the kids to our son's house the very evening that DHS came to the school. Apparently DHS was supposed to come to check out the living arrangements within the next couple of days, and I guess she was afraid they would just take the kids and put them into foster care or something.

Now, Son has filed for custody and has already gotten temporary custody. As soon as ex-DiL was served, she showed up at the kids' school, planning to take them to Texas. Thankfully, they had a copy of our son's last temporary custody order dated AFTER the divorce papers she showed up with. The school's security guard escorted her to the gate.

Since then, Son has gotten a new temporary custody order, so he allowed the children to go visit their mother for a few weeks. We are using this time to fix up the kids' rooms and make his house into more of a home, as opposed to a bachelor pad.

Son just got served with the counter-suit, which he expected. Here's the kicker: She is claiming that he has no right to custody of granddaughter and demanding paternity testing. This is killing him to think that G-daughter may have been told that he is not her daddy. She's a big Daddy's girl, and we're afraid this could emotionally rip her apart.

All this from a mother who has basically abandoned her kids 3 times over a different man each time!

Can anyone give me a good website for support on this issue? I don't really think S has to worry about losing his parental rights if he isn't the bio-dad, as I think she would have to then name the ex-OM as father. BTW, the ex-OM is currently in prison. Nice, huh?

Any ideas as to what to do, anyone?

Not much time right now, but wanted to try to help a little. I don't have a name of a website off the top of my head. I know there is one for each state that summarizes paternity laws, I just can't think of it right now. However, depending on the state your son resides, most should look pretty favorably on him, as he was married to the mother at the time of conception and birth. The courts will most likely see and admit the bond he has with his daughter. That's not to say they wouldn't permit the DNA test, but it is likely they will still view your son as this girl's father even if it proves he's not the bio.

I will try to see if I can get a hold of another poster who is an attorney. She helped me tremendously with my similar questions.

You sound like terrific parents/g-parents!!

~ad

...and of course, forgot to mention, if your son hasn't already, he needs to consult with the best family law attorney he can find in his area!

Lady Clueless:

To reiterate autumn's advice, your son needs to get the best family lawyer that he can afford. However, most recent court cases would indicate after six years that your husband would be in no danger of losing his daughter, regardless of the outcome of DNA testing. This does vary somewhat from state to state, but with your ex-DIL's history of abandoment, I would be highly surprised if they'd do anything but award full custody to your son (assuming that he has no issues of his own).

I would advise that he take this very seriously, however. All the documentation he can produce to his ex's fitness (or lack thereof) as a parent will be important.

Hi,

We met with Son's attorney today.

What we are going to do is refuse voluntary DNA testing, on the grounds that Son has been an actively participating and loving father for 8 years, they were married at the time of her birth and his name is on her birth certificate, and that the divorce papers show her as being born of the marriage.

From my research, it seems that the courts take a dim view of "bastardizing" a child who has had a loving and supportive presumed father, unless an equally loving, involved, and willing bio-father is at hand. Even then, it seems that the courts are generally not willing to sever a loving relationship with the presumed father. Given that the other possible father is a convicted drug felon, and exDiL is not trying to claim that he is the father, we feel that the judge will rule in our son's favor on that. The judge is the same judge that hears our D's child support cases, and he comes down really hard on neglectful and bad parents. He told our exSiL that if he ever got behind on child support payments again, he would do some serious time behind bars, regardless of when the child support was paid...that he was tired of seeing his face show up in his court over and over for not supporting his son. SiL is now keeping up with the monthly payments, although he's a little behind on the medical reimbursements. So, I'm encouraged by the fact that this judge will be hearing the case.

Son will be voluntarily taking a drug test, but we are asking his ex for the same. We expect that she will refuse.

The children's school teachers will be testifying in our S's behalf, as well as some of the neighbors. The DHS-CPS will get supoenas (sp?), as well.

Son also has a video of the house after his ex moved out...including the piles of doggie doo. The lady he hired to clean the house said she'd be happy to testify, since you can't video horrible odors.

He also has evidence such as identity theft...from when his ex recently used his SSN and personal information to set up her BF with satellite TV. This is on top of the time she and a former BF broke into his home and stole checks, to which she then forged his signature.
In addition, she is bad-mouthing him to the kids. He heard her in the background last night when he was talking to one of the boys on the phone.

We are making amazing progress on turning his house into a home. He's had very little furniture since his ex took almost everything when she moved out, so we are busy combing the area for furniture bargains and I'm busily sewing curtains and such for the kids' rooms.

After we get the house fixed up and the kids settled back in, THEN it'll be time to start on the wedding preps!

Thanks, everyone, for the advice. After talking with the attorney today, we are feeling much better about the legal side of things.

The biggest worry, however, is what kind of emotional damage is being done to the kids. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

LC

<small>[ June 08, 2004, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: Lady Clueless ]</small>

Good Morning Lady.

I have no idea about the laws in your state, but here in Texas your son can start the paternity testing right away, then the ball is in her court. Since she's the one demanding the genetic testing, when it comes out that he is the father of your dear granddaughter, that woman is liable for the testing fees. Also, since your son was married to her at the time of birth, legally he is the father whether or not genetics are involved - till the tests confirm or deny it. It doesn't matter if she SAYS he's not the papa. But that's here in Tx.

Oh, and BTW. If she does show up here with the kids, you guys get an Amber Alert out right away! My dh is a deputy here in S. Tx, and I can't tell you how many times he's returned children to the rightful custodial parents. Your son has legal custody of them whether or not they come from out of state - she doesn't have a leg to stand on here.

Hugs and good luck!

Thanks, Niosgirl!

Actually, the kids are already in Texas, but she has to return them to our S by June 27th. Actually, she has to be here on June 25th. She is demanding that S take a drug test. S agreed, but only if she takes one, too. The drug testing is set up for the 25th. Somehow, though, I think she will resist testing....3 guesses as to why! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think that legally, we'll be O.K. This is the 3rd time she's abandoned the kids in 9 years. She's done some illegal stuff that we can prove. I don't think she'll pass a drug test, although she doesn't have to take one; our S doesn't have to take one, either. However, since he has nothing to worry about on that score, he will voluntarily take it. Just the fact that he agreed to take it, even if she backs down from that demand, should tell the judge something, don't you think? Our attorney says that all the neighbors who know anything about what's been going on at where they were living have agreed to testify. The kids' teachers have agreed to testify, plus other people have made themselves available to testify if we need them.

Our biggest concern right now is the garbage that we believe she is feeding the kids. S was talking to one of the boys on Monday night, and she was in the background telling him to tell "Ol' Scarnose" (reference to scar on S's nose after a serious accident) stuff. She was ridiculing S. Our deepest concern, however, is whether she is telling GD that S is not her daddy.

We do believe that her step-sister is behind the disputing of paternity. Step-sister wants to raise GD, because her H is crazy about GD and has no children of his own, and she can't have anymore. So...she wants to take our S's daughter from him! I'm quite sure that she figures that exDiL will get sole custody and then just let GD live with her. Our reason for believing this is that she told S that if he sued for custody, she would sue him for custody of GD because she could "prove" that GD isn't his child. Well, she has no legal standing to dispute paternity, so I'm quite sure that she put exDiL up to it....probably as a condition to paying for exDiL's attorney.

If the kids aren't home by the 27th, reckon your H could pull some strings in Fort Worth? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

LC

Hi,
Your attorney gave you excellent advise. I'm a family law attorney (not in Texas) and I would have told you the same thing. He doesn't have to take the genetic test. He's the legal daddy with the emotional relationship to back it up. Most courts that I know of weigh the best interests of the children the heaviest. Your granddaughter is very lucky to have you and her daddy during all this mess with her mom.
Take care!
e.

One more thing on the drug testing Lady, request a follicle test...not just a pee in the cup kinda thing. The reason for this is she may be able to flush out some of the drug toxins...but you can't do that on hair. The toxins set in deep and linger in hair no matter how much the washings for at least 6 months. So no matter how many cranberry juice cocktails she imbibes to flush out her system, she'll never pass on a follicle test.

Some people don't deserve to be called mother...(((sigh)))

Hugs to you, your son, and your grandchildren.