Bystander, <BR>Thanks for your concern. I can understand why you think I am devaluing honesty when I encourage people not to confess. There are very few people I give this council to. The rest I just keep silent. My goal is to let them know they have other options if they want to save their marriage, and that Harley's way isn't the only way.<P>My life is sex-less yes, and is without a "man" in the traditional sense. I do have male friends, some pretty good ones too. And I have good friends and love and companionship. You say that I've built up my arguments to resist falling in love. You are partly correct. "Falling in love" is an illusion, because the feeling of love has nothing to do with actual love. Actual love has nothing to do with sex. The men who are in my life now are here because of who I *am* not because they think I'm going to have sex with them. That is a nice feeling. It is also a nice feeling, because when I meet a man now, I have absolutely no expecations. It is liberating for them too. I can enjoy their company without wondering, does he meet this requirement or that requirement for "partnership". Even when I happen to click with a guy, it still doesn't shake my resolve because I know that if I did have sex with him and it didn't work out, he'd be out of my life. That is just the way I am. I'd rather keep him as a friend. Now, I know there are probably guys out there (and women too) who would rather just have sex for however long than have no sex and be a friend. Well, guys who fall into that category don't stay in my life for long. In the meantime, I'm not being subjected to STD's, or whatever. <P>Yes, I do hold men and women up to a pretty high standard. I would like men to spend at least as much time working on their emotional skills as they would spend on whatever other hobbies they have. I hope women will be self-sufficient before bringing children into the world. Falling in love is a nice thing, but it doesn't feed your children if things don't work out. <P>You are right, it doesn't have to be this way. I have other choices. All I have to do is observe the lives of my friends who date regularly. Now THAT is sad. I'm here for a shoulder to cry on whenever they break up with whomever. And when they meet someone new that they like, I'm genuinely happy for them and wish them the best, but still have to shake my head at the futility of it. I don't understand why they, or you even, believe that the only way to feel loved is in a sexual, romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex. <p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited March 17, 2000).]
