Below is a list of 50 indicators that your spouse is having an affair. It was compilied from the posting topic: Giveaway Habits of an <BR>Adulterer..... and originally posted November 13, 1999 at 04:35 PM. I have tried to combine the original list with the additions from the follow-up messages. I have made minor changes and if there are any errors or omissions of course they are mine <P>50 Indicators of Infidelity.<P>1. A sudden upturn in their demeanor or outlook on life.<BR>2. Constantly late.<BR>3. More possessive toward wallet, pocket calendar or briefcase.<BR>4. Comes home more often with alcohol on breath.<BR>5. Starts talking about getting together with old friends they haven't seen in years.<BR>6. Starts shopping for new clothes.<BR>7. Starts taking a renewed interest in their appearance.<BR>8. Starts keeping an overnight bag in their car or office, ostensibly for a workout or a game of tennis.<BR>9. Orders dishes or new household items never ordered before.<BR>10. Does not look at other women/men as much as they used to.<BR>11. Starts working late and on holidays and weekends.<BR>12. Express opinions on subjects that they never had an interest in.<BR>13. Takes a new interest in anticipated schedule.<BR>14. Encourages you to visit parents or friends alone.<BR>15. They give you gifts that show a new level of taste or insight about the opposite sex.<BR>16. Car is kept free of paraphernalia belonging to you or the kids.<BR>17. Starts attending extended seminars or conventions.<BR>18. Start using new words and phrases.<BR>19. At odd hours they start remembering things they forgot to do at the office.<BR>20. They suggest that you open up separate checking accounts.<BR>21. Often forget to wear wedding ring.<BR>22. Takes the dog for much longer walks.<BR>23. Makes more phone calls late at night.<BR>24. A marked change of attitude towards secretary, colleagues or friends.<BR>25. Suddenly takes up new hobbies or friends that take them out of the house in the evenings and weekends.<BR>26. They talk about a movie they've seen but you have not.<BR>27. They insist on answering the phone.<BR>28. They call out a different name in sleep.<BR>29. Smell of a different soap from the brand at home and/or you smell freshly showered at 1.00am.<BR>30. They care about how breath smells. New mints, gum, etc. found around house.<BR>31. Uses pre-paid calling card/pager/cell phone for the first time ever. <BR>32. Loses a lot of weight and seems proud of new body.<BR>33. Saddest list item is: change in die-hard pro-life feelings on abortion. <BR>34. Gut feeling. The biggest indicator of an affair is just feeling that it is so. <BR>35. Juvenile behavior and music interests!!!<BR>36. Uses more kid slang than the kids!!!!!<BR>37. Knows all the new pop singers and has CD's.<BR>38. When they lose stuff they accuses you of gettting into their "stuff"....<BR>39. Uses the ATM way too much!<BR>40. All of a sudden, their attitude about people who cheat changes, e.g., "we shouldn't judge because we don't know their whole story."<BR>41."It wasn't a dinner date - it was just a way of saying thank you for carpooling"<BR>42."I never lied about being married - she never asked me, so I just didn't bring it up"<BR>43. Grocery shopping and other excuses to get out "alone."<BR>44.The one difference is that my Wife wants our kids to like the other person because in the back of her head she thinks she will be with him. Very sickening. !!!!!!!!!!!<BR>45. Carries toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash at all times.<BR>46. When other person is co-worker, can't wait to get to work each day .<BR>47. Becomes great friends with people going through divorce.<BR>48. Defends other who are/have/will cheat(ed/ing).<BR>49. Distances themselves from those with strong (any) moral values.<BR>50. Gets "coded" pager messages at all times of the day and night<P><p>[This message has been edited by Triumph2 (edited February 23, 2000).]

Here's a big one that I will always look for from now one.<P>Attitudes toward Church, God and spirituality in general deteriorates.<P>I saw it, but didn't understand it. I felt it was going to lead my H to becoming unfaithful when in fact it was a side effect of his affair. The "I'm damned anyway" attitude kicked in.

The other thing that I didn't think of back then that I know of now is the distancing of himself from not only myself but the kids as well. He seemed to separate himself from their interests as well as mine and seemed "untouchable".....<BR>But then, that was then, definately not now! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

How about adding this one:<P>Says Clinton didn't cheat.<BR>

- Your "sex life" deteriorates.<BR>- New haircut<BR>- Different cologne after using same one for years<BR>- spends more time in front of the mirror in the morning<BR>- leaves for work earlier than usual<BR>- doesn't take you to his work or in public anymore

Connie,<BR>I have to say that I forgot, he did use that!!! Isn't it weird? I told him I thought Hillary was nuts to put up with that SH*T and he acted personnally affronted!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Minimizes or hides the computer screen when you walk by.<P>Has strange id's in his instant messanger<P>Has a seperate email account you knew nothing about. <P>Changes passwords on things he formally had no problem with you getting into.

My wife started smoking during affair. Apparently this is something they would both do in the bars and clubs they went to.<P>Stopping smoking for smokers would probably be a good sign also.<P>Reading books about sex, finding joy in life, romance novels. This from a woman who rearely reads for pleasure.<P>Absolutely <B>HAD</B> to go to gym <B>every </B>day. Sick kids, school functions, whatever, she still went to gym for her 2 hour workout daily. OM was "friend" from gym, of course.<P>Definitely changes in undergarment and dresing habits. Lots of new pushup bras. Wearing "thong" underwear and no underwear under panty hose. This from a woman who previously had an almost obsessive method for tucking her blouse into her underwear, pantyhose up over blouse with waistband rolled down, etc. Apparantly no panty lines became more critical than her previous comfort oriented undergarments.<P>Going out more frequently than previously. All of a sudden the girl's night out was once or twice a week vs. once every two weeks or so.<P>The biggest tip off I should have caught was the increase in babysitter use. Before the affair the only time we would use a babysitter was on a night when we went out with each other. During the affair in addition to encouraging me to have my own activities without her, there were many times when I would come home late after one of my nights out and find a babysitter with the kids. She just couldn't stand to stay home on a friday or saturday.<P>Coming home after a girl's night out hours after the bars had closed. (Say's they went out for breakfast).<P>Taking a shower and sleeping on the couch after coming home from a girl's night out. Because she was sweaty from dancing, smelled like smoke, and didn't want to disturb my sleep she said. I'm thinking she was sweaty from something else!<P>Going out on non-traditional nights, like a tuesday or wednesday vs. friday or saturday.<P>Looking back I can tell exactly what nights she was out with OM from the above signs.<P>Like chick says "You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!"<P>[This message has been edited by help me (edited May 16, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by help me (edited May 16, 2000).]

Add to your list "hang up telephone calls"<P>I noticed my husband would write two checks for lunch, on the same day, but about 10 checks out of order....<P>Ask the bank for the check to be enclosed in the statement.<BR>

Looks through department store catalogs and circles sheets and a comforter for a different size bed.<P>Takes a $2,000 cash advance from a credit card to pay a lawyers retainer fee and forgets to mention it or hoped you wouldn't notice.<P>Moves out of the bedroom and stops wearing wedding ring.<P>Starts to use curse words more often and in casual conversations.<P>Starts to keep a detailed diary of both you and her time with the kids for the custody hearing.<P>Turns down romantic trips and dates consistently.<P>

How about...<P>A marked increase in phone calls from "other sex friends" who previously never or rarely ever called -- and if they called, they called for YOU, not your spouse!<P>An increase in "social drinking" <BR> ...Or for that matter, drinking new "designer drinks"<P>Being on the outside of "inside jokes"<P>Being uninvited to events your spouse attends with "friends"<P>Expecting your kids to babysit themselves when previously they had been thought to be too young (since you cannot get home from work in time for things like "girls night out").<P>...Just a few for thought.<P>cynically yours,<P>--keystone

how about these<P>Stops saying "I love you" or even "I love you too"<P>Becomes VERY critical of you<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Church can be hard to do when experiencing maritial troubles, even if there's not an affair....you have to "play" the happy couple. At least its difficult for me, W is much better a putting on the "act".<P>One from many years ago (from 1st marriage):<BR>W states at dinner, at home on a Wednesday before heading to her parents solo for the weekend, "I sure do miss hanging with my friends...you know, being one of the guys." Sounds too obvious....but it's true.

I wish I had this list about 15 months ago maybe if I had read all the signs (almost all of them were there) I could have done something before it got so intense. How about constantly talking about a coworker. He had always done this before but not as much as he talked about her. Of course now I know what she is really like He told me she slept around. They definately change their morals. And began to question his faith. In twenty 26 years he always went to church then de didn't and the few time he said he did I am not sure about. (The times when I couldn't because I was recovering from surgery.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

<B>*</B> Complains about past mistakes (some as far as 14 years old) that were supposedly forgiven and forgotten.<P><B>*</B> Criticizes you in public.<P><B>*</B> For her everything is bright one day, then the next day she acts as if the entire world were her enemy.<P><B>*</B> Says nobody is totally honest.<P><B>*</B> Insists that life offers no guarantees, that it is better to live the here and now.<P><B>*</B> Some days she moves out of a room when you walk in. Some other days she seems to follow you everywhere.<P>ALEX<P>-------------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn.</B><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 23, 2000).]

My H showed many of the signs above, but Alex the one about complaining about past mistakes ( yes exactly as far as 14/15 years ) really hit the spot.That's exactly what I got. Something from even before we got married. That upset me a lot, because it was something to be closed ever since we got married, had no bearing in our married life, and and was never brought up by him at any other time before the affair. To top it off, he was using that to justify his affair.<P>Another interesting sign was "amnesia" suddenly he forgot all about any happy times in our marriage, and rememebered only negative things ( some of them that had never happened, or not happened the way he was saying it ).<P>Kat<BR>

Change in habits and withdrawing from family. Looking back, my x withdrew from family about fall of 98. She stopped getting up for the kids in the morning and I noticed she was drinking about everynight she worked when she got home.<P>I think the emotional affair may have started back then. She stayed up late to call om at work while I was sleeping and then between that and the wine would sleep in the next morning. I never did find any evidence she called om at his home as it was long distance. <P>I think she tested me in April of last year when she set up a special night away for us and when that didn't work out the way she planned the EA turned physical within 2 months.<P>She never did mention om name previously. She always talked about her other coworkers, male and female but nver mentioned him.

Starts "accusing" you of cheating. Asking repeatedly if there is (has been) anyone else.<P>I truly think something happened before we moved here, while I was here already working and he was home "packing" up our house. As soon as we were living together again, the accusations started, and kept getting more and more frequent..... Guilt justifying it's self?<P>Maybe I'm reaching for those things, but definately not these:<P>Staying out until 4 or 5 am, saying he went to the bar "with the guys from work", and then went to breakfast.... Until 5 am?!?!?!?!<P>Staying out until 4 or 5 am two or three and then 4 or 5 times a week (not just when working late, but even on days off).<P>Repeatedly stating reasons why "we wouldn't be good together" (H & Twinky).<P>And, when stating "we're just friends" but refusing to walk away from twinky to save our marriage.<P>Oh well, I'm mostly venting tonight anyway... D was final today.<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

My H always told me that me and OW would be "great friends" before it turned physical, yet she never once came in to meet me in all the times she gave him a ride home from work.

lWb:<P>My H said the same thing...only he introduced us and asked her to come check on me when he was away on business and I developed complications during pregnancy... <P>I would add "Picks fights about trivial things after 'running errands.'"<P>--HBC