(This was to Resilient. I am SO SORRY!!! I do not know WHAT is going on! I keep trying to post under threads and it's making NEW threads.)<P>I think it does make them mad...to feel they can't place "expectations" on you or continue to derive emotional satisfaction from you. By the way, I think Plan B is BRILLIANT!!! Having had an affair, I'd say THIS demonstrates the utterly delusional way a person thinks who's in an affair. There's a real "loss of touch with reality". There can be an odd possessiveness of YOU while seeing themselves as completely independent of in any way impacting you with their goofed-up, selfish choices. It's tunnel-vision at it's worst. <P>As I recall, Harley described Plan B as being to protect the feelings of the spouse who's been betrayed from further erosion. Seemed he spoke of it protecting you from further hurts that might lend themselves to numerous love-busters. Maybe I'm recalling it wrong. But I surely think it's brilliant beyond words!!! I think it's a dramatic wake-up call for the one who's in the process of blindly losing SO VERY MUCH!!!<P>Apparently your husband has some dependencies on you still and is feeling the loss somewhat by what you've described. This does not COMPARE to losing you utterly and forever if he continues on this destructive course. I pray he see's how much you mean to him and how much he has derived from you!!!<P>Robino <P><p>[This message has been edited by Robino (edited October 19, 2000).]

Hey Robino:<P>Are you sure you're hitting the "reply" link and not the "new topic" link? <P>Oh, did you know that if you highlight the "This message has be edit by Robino....etc" and delete it when you come back to edit (or a second or third edit as in my case) then at the end you will only have one. Learned this from experience since my mind often get ahead of my fingers and I goof up alot.<P>Faye

Thanks, Buffy/Faye,<P>I think it's fever. I just need to stay on some Tylenol until my voice comes back and slooooow down my posting. I probably AM hitting the wrong button. And thanks about the deleting edit's, too. I really need to do that but I'm afraid I'll screw it up worse. *LOL*<P>Robino

Sorry, Robino, I just realized I said at the first edit and I meant at the second. When you go back and edit the first time then it puts in the "This message.....etc" when you hit "submit reply". When you go back to edit the second or third time then you can highlight and delete. You won't mess anything else up, try it. <P>Faye - Buffy is my cat and she's not posting anymore. Got tired of all these silly human problems.

Robino,<P>Thanks Hon. It is very interesting how this Plan B makes them angry that you're no longer there to go thru this with them. Early on my H understood what I was about to do. I told him many times that I was not going to allow him contact anymore. I told him why too.<P>But everytime I talked to him prior to going to Plan B he'd asked "Can I call you"?<P>Then I just did it, I stopped taking his calls, stopped accepting his emails, stopped all contact. It helped me but it was was horrifically hard to do. I ached for him, I wondered and worried how he was on a daily basis. But eventually I did become stronger, I felt I was learning about myself and looking at the whole situation from afar. I saw all my mistakes and all my short comings. I saw how I could have done things differently which made me so sad. But then I forgave myself ... I started to forgive him too, altho I was still hurting because I missed him in my life <understatement>.<P>I started to think good thoughts about him and remembered things that were dear to my heart about us. I would even smile when something in our home triggered a memory, wishing he was there to share it.<P>I don't know that my H feels he's loosing anything by D me. I don't know that he really isn't set to D me and just simply move on to his manipulative OW. He may, indeed, be happy with his choice the rest of his life. I have to accept that. Maybe this is the kind of love he's always dreamed about, I think he turns a blind eye to all of her misgivings because the sex is so great, he probably equates the sex with loving intimacy and true love. <P>I can't tell you how over the top she is ... she comes off so sugary sweet, Honey, Baby, Sweetheart ... along with all the sex talk. I was never like that, I never felt I was a sex pistol regarding every day life. I was good in bed, I know that for sure, but I was not all day every day walking around naked trying to be miss sex kitten ... I had to go to work and I had a house and husband to take care of. <P>Plan B was obviously easier for me than it was for him. Now I see that, he needed me at times and wanted to talk to me but I was not reachable ... his OW had to fill that roll and I guess she must have done a good job because now he wants a D. <P>Thanks again for responding, Hon.<P>Be well,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited October 20, 2000).]