I am in love with my husband, period! <P>I have exerted so much energy into plan A, that I think I over did it. I am worthy of being loved, respected, and treated with dignity. Yes, I understand H is going through MLC and there's nothing I can do about it except watch him go through it. Well, who said I had to watch from stage left? I don't even have to watch from the front seat. I don't even have to watch!<P>I need a life and I'm taking my life back. I love my H and am willing to work on it. I am giving myself (not him) a timeline, and if at that time I am not happy with the situation then it's time to move on. In the mean time I will continue to treat him lovingly, but no more having his cake and eating it too.<P>I'm not waiting for him to make a decision, I've wallowed in misery too long. I am making a decision of my own! I know how to have fun, too, after all that's what attracted him to me. He can watch ME for a change!! 2000 sucked big time, but I will not let 2001 consume and suck the life out of me! Whose with me?!

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Okay, I'm feeling a little bit fiestier since my H dropped THE bomb on me ... and my meds are kinda kicking in, so Okay, lets do it ... 2001 will not be the same as 1999 and 2000 ... I love Steve, he knows it, he knows I accept his OCs, he knows I will forgive, he knows I'm willing to be a WIFE to him in every way and meet his needs, HE KNOWS where I stand. So .... Okay .... lets take our lives back. <P>Boy ... don't I sound strong, pray I can back it with constant and stable thoughts, deeds and actions. <P>Jo

Taking it to the top! And mean this emotionally as well as literally. We can do this guys! We'll be one another's moral support and keep each other company to the top. <P>Many Tears

I know you have been reading my posts so you know that I too have turned the corner in my thought of my h. I am not going to daily be dissapointed with our lack of progress. If he want to date this woman, then do it. But not from here. I won't live with it. I am ejecting it from my home.<P>The weird thiong id, the contact I thought he had with her in Vegas this week actually did not happen. But I set this boundry BEFORE he left. Darn it, it is the first one (esides not calling her while he is at home and supposed to be Dad) and I musst live up to it. I still plan to Plan A, but not right here. I love him too much, it hurts so much and I really thought we would be further along than we are. <P>I am going to protect myself, though. We need to meet with the therapist and figure out the best way to tell the kids with the least amount of damage. With luck the whole thing will make him see that I mean it, and it will jolt him into action and it won't occur after all. But I have not been very lucky so far...<P>It will be soon, but not until after Nov. 1 at least, we both have to sing in a concert for the AZ Vivaldi Festival.<P>Don't intimate D, just tell him you need your dignity and to respect yourself and your doing that by asking him to carry on his other life elswhere, but that you are willing to remain friends or in touch and will work on the marriage if he wants to. That is what I am doing. Plan A. That is still what I want to do. Just not in my house. I don't deserve the daily humiliation...

Burned Spouse---<P>I identify with so much of what you are feeling and sharing here on these posts. You are one of many who inspire me to do what I am doing. I draw courage and strength from you and others here. <P>I will be seeing H this weekend (hopefully) at his mother's birthday luncheon that is being thrown here at the house. Don't know if he will miss that, but he could. Anyway, I will tell him how much I love him, that I want to work on the relationship, that I am working on trying to remain his friend, Plan A when I see him, but that I'm letting go of the craziness. If he wants me, he knows where I am. <P>Instead of merely existing in life, I am going to enjoy it.<P>

I think that what you all are saying is what Plan B is all about.<P>I Plan A'd too long while my h was involved with ow (I didn't know about her at the time). When he did come back, I had more trouble getting over the affects of his poor response to my heartfelt Plan A than I did to the affair itself!

Many Tears and all.<P>This is such an uplifting post...yep 2000 has totally sucked...c'mon 2001.<P>Okay , let's keep this thread going into the next year and keep each other up...moving in a good direction.<P>I'm at work, will catch up with you all later, and thanks for giving me something to look forward to....a life without sadness every damn day.<P>~allison<BR>

Here Here Allison!<P>I'm so sick of feeling "SICK" and "HURT" and "SAD" and "ANGRY" and "RESPONSIBLE" and .... well you get the idea.<P>If we pull together and support one another, I think I can make it ... I mean, shoot ... do I have a choice???? Either I go thru this hurting or I go thru it happy, guess it's up to me.<P>I really do need help tho, I haven't got any kids to help me feel needed and with purpose. <P>Thank you MT for posting this.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Funny thing is that back in 1999 I couldn’t wait to see the year 2000. I was sick and tired of testing Y2K. I spent lot and lot of hours each day conducting a Y2K test. I just realized it now that by Christmas 1999, my wife seemed to be somewhat distant from us all. This included her side of family too. She didn’t seem to be happy. And I remembered that New Year eve, my wife was very quiet (I think she was thinking about the OM). Wow, that’s why she looked unhappy. Well, I didn’t know about the A until February 2000. That’s when my world turned upside down and Year 2000 sucks. Well, hopefully 2001 will be better for me.<BR> <BR>OOOO<BR>

Resilient,<P>Planned on starting a family this year, so like you I have no children. Lots of loving nieces and nephews that I dote on all the time. <P>We'll be okay, stay with us! <P>MT

Hi Many Tears:<P>Well, you're chanting my matra...moving on out and up...enough is enough.... <P>Five years, on and off, of this mess is enough...I'm with you...I'm getting back the joy in my life....because life's too short to spend it wallowing in misery.<P>Don't get me wrong....I still love him too...but believe that having me always available in the background has kept this mess going for way too long.<P>Going to get my hair cut and streaked...buy a few new clothes...and see what's waiting out there for me...it's gotta be better then this. <P>Join me anyone? <P>By the way, anyone try that makeover site that's advertising on MB...I did and it's kinda neat. Trying on the wild hairstyles and different colors had me and my DIL rolling on the floor...it was so funny. <P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<P> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited October 25, 2000).]

Everyone-<P>I have pampered myself to pieces and I LOVE IT! I have always denied myself the wacky things, or just the fun things. I even stopped seeing Chiroparacter to save money...BIG MISTAKE. I am a mess and degeneration is starting! Scary.<P>But since dday: <BR>-I have lost weight(a little), <BR>-walked a lot, <BR>-went to a beauty parlor and had my eyebrows waxed(first time since my wedding), <BR>-gone to the Christian Dior counter and had the works done(makup.) Then BOUGHT it! <BR>-I have had a few massages, <BR>-bought new clothes, <BR>-bought a new bike today so I would be interested in riding(I have hated mine for years) now that the weather is perfect here in AZ. <BR>-I got my hair repermed. <BR>-Bought Nads to remove my own hair-everywhere I want-and not get burned! <BR>-I never go anywhere without my Christian Dior makeup and perfume on! <P>I am a knock out! My H is blind as a bat, I have never looked so good!<P> Emotional Needs: attractive wife-Check! <P>Rock On girls spoil yourself!

Amen & Amen...<P>My h has been gone working away for home for so long..and I just sat home waiting on him to decide when he would find another job and be here for me and the kids to go out and live life..I started back to school last year..and started group counseling and individual counseling..and started going out w/ friends and living life..instead of letting life pass me by anymore..thats when <BR>h started getting mad..saying "I" wanted to live single..because "I" was tired of waiting on him to be here for me and the kids to have fun. but I have had to learn he's not responsible for me living life..I am..I can't stay home 24/7 anymore and wait on life to come to me..<P>I had an A and confessed it..trying to get H to decide which was more important..his job or his family..he chose his job..I have asked him to look for another job..he hasn't..but..thats his coice..and I am tired of being married to someone who is never here..so he moved his things out..and I'm moving on..he said he's going to file for divorce..I was hoping he would have decided we were more important..but..oh well..Life goes on..

Oh GOOD Faye!!!!!!!!!!<P>I'm so glad you're on board with us. You deserve happiness in your life so much, Honey. You're so special in so many ways. <P>Your H's gonna Freak Out, I'm telling you. He won't know what hit him LOL! ... you're gonna see a change in him ... one that you never expected, I know I'm right about this. But regardless ... you're not doing it to get him to change .... you're doing it for YOU, because you deserve some happiness in this life.<P>Love,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited October 26, 2000).]

Hey Girls,<P>Thank you for making this thread...it's just what I needed. I realized through my latest melt-down last night that I am setting the tone for my entire family...if I'm depressed, my kids are depressed, and we're all a big ole mess. I don't know why it's taking me so long to begin to feel better. It seems like I lag behind the rest of you.<P>Ok, I'm never gonna be able to finish this, as I have to work now (how rude of them to make me do my job! )<P>Take care you all. I'll catch up later if things are sane tonight.<P>Jo...I don't know whether having kids in this situation is a plus or not. I mean, having them is wonderful, but watching their pain kills me a little more each day. It compounds things.<P>Ok, PMA...PMS...whatever...on with my day!<P>~allison

Okay, how about we build on Burned Spouses' list of great things we SHOULD/WILL do for ourselves! <P>1. Join a Taebo class (that'll get your frustrations out).<BR>2. Always wanted to learn to play the piano, so I signed up for a class that means 2 hours once a week. Beats crying at home!<BR>3. Work out at the gym.<BR>4. Run/Jog, bike, hike<BR>5. Karaoke<BR>6. Makeover, love that one!<BR>7. Monthly massaages, more if you can afford it.<BR>8. Take a trip or go somewhere different just to get a change of scenery.<BR>9. Go back to church (if spiritual or religious).<BR>10. Buy an expensive piece of jewelry<P><BR>Let's get more on here!!! <P>Many Tears

Hi MT,<P>Okay ... I have done the following from the list you just sent:<P>1. Bought myself a new expensive beautiful watch AND got a new car, it was badly needed ... and considering I'm totally on my own, needed something reliable.<P>2. I go for monthly deep tissue full body massages, it's required since I was injured 1.75 years ago in horse riding accident.<P>3. Lora and I are planning to start church, I bagged out on her 2 weeks ago, but there's a raincheck in order.<P>4. I will not do/listen to/participate or be in any way shape or form, a Kareoke participant or observer. Major trigger, OW is a Kareoke Host and H helped her get there, one of their many business schemes together. Sorry. <P>5. Lora and I are taking a trip to AZ to our MB get together in January. Hurray for us!<P>6. They have Taebo classes here at work, I actually started them 1.5 years ago, but because of the A, I never attended. So I guess nows the time, right?<P>7. I have never worn makeup, never. I just don't like it, but how about a new hair cut?<P>8. I can start working out at our Gym here at work, I did twice a day in 1998. We'll see if doc says it's okay.<P>Do you know what I really want to do ... adopt a baby. I want to be a mom so bad, I love kids ... I wonder if it's possible?<P>Thanks MT for following up, Hon. What things have you done from the list?<P>Let me think about more items to add to BS's list and I'll post in a bit, K?<P>Love,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited October 26, 2000).]

Okay, some more additions...<P>- Take a spur-of-the-moment trip to Hawaii (hey, Resilient, Lora, and other Washingtonians - flights from Vancouver, BC to Honolulu are only $175 RT!) <P>- Get a soothing facial<P>- Take a walk through the park<P>- Totally agree with MT on the makeovers, I specialize in glamour makeovers!<P>- Soak in a bubblebath with a Nora Roberts book.<P>- (Another good one for Washingtonians) Take an Alaskan cruise. Spoil yourself on the scenery and all-you-can-eat Lobster!<P>I'll think of more later. <P>PS - Not all Karaoke-Hoppers are bleached-out, wrinkled up old heffers on crack (oops, did I say that out loud? Not the sweet lil' Belle! )

Hi!<P>I'm from Hawaii, where should I go? You guys can come visit me here! I love the Northwest went to college there (SU). But, I definitely need a trip out of state. We locals say, "Get off the Rock." <P>I'm signing up for Taebo this week! Need to think about that expensive piece of jewelry. Haven't done the makeover yet, but since A, my hair has been cut, styled, permed, and cut again. My hair always takes a beating when I'm stressed or depressed, good thing it grows fast! Keep talking about going back to church, but haven't done it yet. Everything else on the list, I'm already doing.<P>I would love to have a baby, too. The thought of adoption has crossed my mind. Hmmm need to give that more thought!<P>Here's another for the list, aromatherapy. I recently bought bunch of candles, and oils. Great for bubble baths or just setting the mood for a quiet meditation. It's helped me to relax.<P>Stay positive, Many Tears