Just needing some of your expert opinions <P>Had a long talk today with exh. He says that he realizes he still loves ow and cannot just let her go yet. He realizes that he cannot have relationship with me or anyone else until she is out of his life. <P>He suspects that she is living with another man but won't admit it. He says he wants to find out for sure and this will help him write her off for good if he is right about his suspicions. I think he wants to drive by and check out where he "thinks" she may be living.<P>She has cheated on him in the past several times but he says he has forgiven her for those. If she is lying to him about where she is living, he will be able to get closure because he will know she was just using him. However, he says even if he finds that she has been lying, it does not mean that we will work things out between us.<P>I told him that I'm not sure that that is such a good idea that he check up on her. I also told him I was uncomfortable about him telling her about my pregnancy. <P>He is sitting here as I type this, and I told him he could read any responses. I felt that maybe you all could help shed some light on this situation. Thanks!<P>

If your H is having doubts about OW (and it sounds as if he should), he should let her go now and realize how fortunate he is to have someone like you!!

Tulip,<P>If you want your H back let him know that. Also, let him know that you will not be part of his decision making process regarding the OW. He is a grown man and needs to decide this on his own. Let him know what you expect regarding "no contact" etc... I know that this is a difficult position to be in but it's like putting yourself in limbo. I dont understand why he wants to put you in the middle of all of this knowing how this can play with your emotions and you are pregnant to boot! <P>I am sorry if this comes across angry. It truly isn't meant to be. I feel that you deserv more respect than this.<P>take care of yourself.

I feel this is an excuse to still keep the other woman alive. Definitely it is a very bad idea if your husband loves you. He is addicted to the other woman and addictions are hard to break. He can't quite let go. What if she is not with another man and is free and available and the affiar starts again? Maybe she is with another guy but next month hates him and leaves. I really see no point in checking up onthe other woman. Either your husband loves you and will give up the other woman 100% or he doesn't. This half way stuff is no good. No good at all. I find it disgusting that all the women and men have to put up with their spouse wanting to keep contact with the other woman or other man when they caused such pain to their partner. Sometimes I think the pain is worse than death. All those spouses that can forgive and forget are truly admirable. Those people that want to hang onto the other man or other woman should really not be married and just go to the other man and woman and live with them. Their heart is not on the marriage so what's the point to stay married and be miserable? If you respect you partner's feelings then stop all contact now. Suffer the withdrawel feeling. It is not as bad as the feeling of the betrayed spouse. Think about what they might feel.