Orchid - you rock!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I understand completely about the few tears thing - with the discovery of OW back in the picture just a couple of weeks ago, I had a strange feeling of resolve come over me. I was angry, hurt, upset, all those things, but at the same time I was calm and cool. I just knew I wasn't going to go through any more crap, and that I did NOT, did NOT deserve this. So, I was prepared to do what was necessary, and thought for sure H would want to go, however, he had already decided that he needed to completely sever contact with OW for us to truly have a chance. (Wow)<p>Anyway - didn't mean to hijack your thread and spew all my stuff out, but I think we get to a point where we realize we've done just about everything possible. His issues are his issues and I won't be dragged through the mud trying to help him through it!! I need to hold on to who I am and not be sucked away by his "searching" for his feelings etc etc blah blah blah<p>Stay strong!

Hi, Orchid,
You are being so strong!!!
I'm with you - have often considered the Lorena Bobbitt method of taking care of 'problems' - ha!
(sorry, guys!)
Hang in there,
S

Orchid,
Check A/B for a first draft of your poem. give me a professional critique? Hope at least it is worth a chuckle...All who are familiar w/your story may like it too. Feeling wierd today. Last night was soo strange. H called today and was very nice. Not sure what part comes next. Feeling like a decision will be coming soon. Either he comes back, or I leave for good. Will do A until all strength gone. Afraid I'm a gettin there. Am beyond words at the Orlando betrayal. Truly afraid that a few days from now, I will suddenly explode from unvented anger and utter repulsion at the huge lie which smacked me in the face yesterday. Oh well, I am thankful that at the least, I DIDN'T DO THAT AND CAN ALWAYS WAKE UP AND LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.

Hi all, <p>Again you have provided me support. I thank you all for that. Wish I could hug you all. <p>Hbh, I will not enable him. What I do is for my family's protection and future. Unfortunately it is often something the WS benefits from also. Sometimes it is hard to draw the line. WE will see what he is like tonight, he is on his way home. <p>I will try harder to do the right thing. Again I am now requiring action on his part. NO more passiveness on his part. <p>Alberta yep, I feel the same way. The tears are pretty dried up. What a difference a year makes!?!?!?!? <p>I couldn't post from work, still too much junk. Guess there more of those kind of people who are just too dumb to be at work. I had to spend part of today again, explaining the same thing 3 times. Each person said they understood yet related a totally different story to the next. Mangement included!!!! Don't play grapevine with that bunch!! I had witnesses though, so I am not crazy nor making a big thing out of nothing. I guess them wasting my time isn't important. <p>Rap, I will check my e-mail and call you laters. K? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Just got home and need to start dinner. <p>Thanks again,
L.<p>[ December 06, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Talk about support, I'd like to share this poem from GAPeach from the plan a/b site. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Not peachy in GA:
<strong>Dedicated to all Who Deal With psyched-out OW or OM:<p>Oh what, oh what is a psychomasseuse?
like the name of a wild creature out on the loose.<p>Having a brain that is tiny,
With what few thoughts there filled with muck,
she seeks married men with whom she can test her luck.
What did you think I would put there,another word which sounds like muck?<p>Not yet papertrained, is this psychomassuese,
spends her time phoning this man's long, tortured wife,
The greedy psychomasseuse doesn't lead much of a life.<p>Oh what is this thing the psychomasseuse will now do?
Why she is soiling that poor man's underpants with lots of dog poo?
Now to the telephone, the poor creature goes,
to spread phony lies and add to a wife's woes.<p>Oh pyschomasseuse, poor psychomasseuse, what an unfortunate wretch of a creature,
like watching Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, a late night movie feature. <p>No scientist alive knows how long she can gestate,
never been diagnosed, probably just something bad that she ate.
Never knows if or when she is pregnant; has to be told that by her date.
Oh the horrors if this creature should actually EVER procreate...<p>NOTE: I am not quite finished with it yet, and do hope that you all find it funny, you will if you know of her trials. Psychomasseuse is the new name for Mrs. Pycho Babble Rabbit. Oh, and I am no poet. When there are no more tears, you just laugh. Or try to.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>We had a nice chat last night and I didn't realize how much of my story she captured in this poem. So if you can enjoy this little laugh with me...go ahead. I did!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks Peach!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Glad you enjoyed it! I still am reeling after last night's situation. Wavering between hope and ultimate betrayal. I have still not heard from and don't think I will hear from h before going to bed tonight. H read my sweet email I sent him, although I did describe the initial circumstances of our date last night as having been difficult for me, as I found OW's baggage tags. I guess I am truly unable to accept hope as a reality until H decides to come back and OW is finally banished. She is like a bad case of herpes--keeps popping up especially during stress.

Nothing got better for me until I absolutely concluded that we could not stay married. I became convinced it was over, started visiting divorce attorneys, and basically decided whatever happens, happens, I will survive and recover.<p>After that, as life seems to have it, WH started to think maybe getting divorced wasn't such a good idea. It was like I had to completely give up (and for me, give it to God) in order to get something back.<p>Maybe it will be the same with you . . . <p>- WLE

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by WingsLikeEagles:
<strong>Nothing got better for me until I absolutely concluded that we could not stay married- WLE</strong><hr></blockquote><p>That's exactly how my reconciliation happened. I found out about the internet EA and I just said 'YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!'and made plans to sell the house and move close to my sister. I had no intention of continuing this marriage. That shook him up pretty bad and led to our reconciliation. I agree with you that sometimes just giving up is exactly what it takes to shake someone up. It worked for me.

So I am offline for a few days (trouble with our internet service provider.. they kept on dropping our i.p. off of the system! augh!)... and this is what I come back to!!!<p>((((((((((( Orchid )))))))))))<p>I am so sorry to hear that your H is putting you through all of this again. But it's wonderful to see how much you've learned and are incorporating into yourself. As much as emotions are involved in this whole A stuff... I've found (looking back of course) that they are such a waste of energy at times. I do hope you continue to use that energy to continue to better yourself. You've done so wonderfully already. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You've known there was continued contact all along, haven't you? Or at least you STRONGLY suspected it? Damn him for putting you through this again! AUGH!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'll be online tomorrow night, and I'll turn on icq too... so if you want to chat, I'll be around after 8 or 9 pm my time (eastern standard).... now that our internet is up and running properly again, I can commit to it too! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
Karen

Orchid,<p>Boy can I relate to the problem of the "rumor game" at your work. I finally cured most of it by communicating by email almost all of the time. Even if I have a conversation with someone, I'll follow it up with a summary email. That way I have a record of what I said. Really made my life easier. And now that everyone at work knows that I keep a copy of every email I send/receive (I have an archive that goes be 3 years)the people who used to try to play games with me and tried to make me look bad, have cleaned up their act. All I had to do was show up with copies of email at a couple of meetings where someone thought they'ed fry me in front of management. My life is a lot easier these days.<p>Yes, I know I sound paranoid. But I work in and almost all male engineering environment. Many of the men do not like having a female boss or even coworker. The guys are dog-eat-dog to each other. They can be worse with the woman. <p>Hope things are going ok with you tonight. You've been on my mind all day. Please keep us posted.<p>Z

Orchid,<p> I was just wondering if you had that talk with your H?<p>Indy

Hi Indy,<p>Nope not yet. Is the suspense killin ya??? Me too. H was sent on 2 other jobs this evening and probably won't be home before mid night. Something about the 49er game..... guess it was better than the Raiders game, I didn't watch either so I dont know. He usually is delivering tapes of those games. <p>Don't worry, I am not going to let this rest until it is discussed and I will be back here later. <p>Thanks for carrying.
L.

Orchid,<p> Yes, it is killing me. He has had alot of time to think. I just hope that it goes well.<p>Indy

Ok, I'll make you a deal Indy. You go have a talk with my H and I'll have a nice chat with your W. Tell me what you want and I'll say it. I can't LB her since we're not married and same for you when you talk to my H. OK?!?!?!? LOL [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Oh that would be way tooo easy. I don't want you to worry. I will be ok. Alright? You are like my one of the younger brothers I never had. I worry about you but that's my nature and it is way too late to teach this 'ol dog' new tricks. <p>You on the other hand are still young and full of energy. Save your worrying for your family. I will definitely let you know when I need that kick in the pants. How big are your shoes? He he he !!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks soo much. <p>L.

Orchid,<p> Just wanted to see how things were going. I am sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner. I would love for you to talk to my W. I would talk to your H if you needed me too.<p>Indy

Orchid
I'm so sorry for your pain. You have certainly done everything in your power to save your M.
We are all here for you. You are a loving and caring person and truly didn't deserve any of this. I know it will be hard but you will get through this. You have helped so many here at MB and we will be here for you. I pray for you and your son.
Hugs and prayers,
C

Orchid,<p> How are you doing today? I am going to guess that you haven't talked to your H yet. Have you? If you have please tell me how it went.<p>Indy

Hi Indy,<p>Had the talk....part 2 & hopefully the conclusion will be tonight. I am turning into a pessimist. <p>He apologized for every starting down the A path wished he could turn back the hands of time. Now he feels that he may be too far gone. I have heard this before. He says this past 2 weeks he has grown to care more for me now. But when I ask for all cutoff from OW, he walks away (says he has something to do). Well that is how he trys to get away from talking. He even said he would leave things as they are. Conflict avoider you see. <p>So there is that still unanswered question. At least in my mind. Even though he wants to be there for me and son, I am getting fed up. Not sure where I need to be next but moving out is still a reoccuring thought. Words and actions need to be together. I still feel like there is limbo land. He says he is afraid of OW but had a conversation with her just last week. Before all the money issues I dealt with. He knows I have been there to pull him out of these crazy jams and won't be doing it much longer. Very stressful for me. <p>On top of all the work junk. Crap.....throw them all away and start from scratch. I just want to run away from it all. Can't though. too much responsibility. Ya know? I realize my situation is not as critical as others. So much more going on out there. <p>Gotta go back to work. I have my crew working OT again. H has son with him. Father/son bonding time is good. Hope they are not just watching TV. <p>L.

Orchid,
Take care of yourself, k? I can tell your energy level is getting low, and this is a stressful time of year. Don't let H take you back down the roller coaster, k?<p>Also... just a thought here... I know you are tired, but if you are not in Plan B, do your berry bestest [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] to Plan A that guy. He should already see what a wonderful woman he is letting slip through his fingers. And of course, like I said, take care of YOUUUUUU.<p>Hang in there sis. We're all here for you!<p>Faith1

Ding, ding, ding. Your H is back to avoiding things and not committing to no contact with OW?<p>Spell it out for him Orchid. I don't care, I know you are not supposed to threaten him, but in your case...<p>He has crossed your boundary. Stop extending your boundary to appease your H.<p>If he avoids you tonight, or will not commit to everything you need - HE'S OUTTA THERE.<p>You give him too many chances as it is. HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAS TO DO for God's sake. The only reason he's not doing it is because you are not keeping your boundaries and you are letting him get away with it.<p>I'm sorry Orchid, you need a kick in the butt today. <p>I know you are trying to be strong, but he has taken you down this path too many times. You are a good and wonderful person Orchid, you don't need his crap, and OW's crap.<p>I do hope your talk went well last night (or is it tonight... not sure when you posted). Please let us know how you made out.<p>I care about you, Orchid, and I am sick and tired of this man hurting you!!<p>HbH