Gals, please help me. My WH is back safe and sound in my arms and our recovery is going text book well. No serious hitches.
OK, so what's the problem? Well I can't get over the size of the OWs chest. She's like 10 to 20 times larger than me!! Yes she's very endowed. I'm a 36B and she's so big I don't even know how they measure those sizes. (and she's not much overweight if any).
Hubby says, and has shown that he is content with mine. He says "no" every time I mention a breast job. But he also admits that he has trouble not still looking at the OWs chest when he sees her. (he's studying a book on temptation and is honestly trying to wrestle with this). All these years I've always thought my size was enough, I didn't realize how caught up men are on breasts. He says even if she had been smaller the A would have probably happened anyway because he was seeking attention, not sexual fulfillment.
For the record he did not have sex with her, but she initiated kissing (with his approval) and he did fondle her breasts. This happened during the last 2 weeks before he broke off the A.
He's telling me all of the right things, but I'm so down on myself about my small size. I just wonder if he'll ever really be satisfied or if he'll always feel like he settled for 2nd best because it was the "right" thing to do. Help!!! I don't want to ruin our recovery by not being able to let this go.

Well, it just goes to show that someone who is built like that is not someone that your husband chose to marry...<p>OH and 36B is not that small, imo... 36B is bigger than 24A...

I t sounds as if the breasts were not the issue... it is like my h and his THIN ow.... that never had a baby... he has told me he liked her being so thin... well, well well isn't that nice to know... I am only a size 8, and no that is not the end of the world... <p>I do need to lose weight and I am working on it... but we cannot be someone else..<p>if you really want to increase your cup size.. although it is not neccessary .. try some of those creams.. they advertise... you never know they may work... I have thought about it... as my h seems more and more caught up in physical beauty lately... and says part of the a was an attractive ness issue.... <p>I used to be gorgeous... but after the kids and a back problem put on some weight and quit taking as good of care of myself... because of the pain and all my responsibilities.....<p>Anyway, I am trying my hardest to be beautiful, keeping my nails done... etc... <p>But if your h is not expressing to you an attractiveness issue... then don't even worry... all women are different... and what matters most is you, and who you are... <p>I do know my H is caught up in beauty lately... and I wonder... is this the kind of H I really want... does this mean, if I did not look right at 33, he will turn me in for a younger model at 40 too?<p>SOrry to ramble about my feelings... I am sorry you hurting, just thought it would help to know that ... others are feeling low and self conscious too... out here in affair land... I hope the breat issue is not as serious as my weight issue... but it is only 25 pounds... let me just take them off!!! <p>thanks, H

I wish it was something as "possible" as losing weight. I've lost 15 lbs since D-Day. I'm headed to a size 6 now. He says he doesn't want me to be a size 2 or anything. When we filled out the emotional needs survey, he rated an attractive spouse very low and said I pleased him at a level of 5 (out of a possible 6). He said the reason it wasn't a six was because he didn't like some of the business outfits I wear. When we married I did the "cowgirl" thing and after getting a professional job, I dropped it. I really don't like those clothes anymore. Maybe I should go back to them for him. He has gone shopping with me and we've compromised on some non-cowgirl stuff. I guess we'll try that first.
I guess I'm hung up on the breasts because that's the only thing she can still offer him that I can't. I can offer attention, affection, support, sex, flirting, etc - the list goes on and on. But I can't offer him huge breasts. And yes he married a small breasted woman, but we were so young at the time that all of the available girls were small chested. He'd never dated a large breasted woman.

One thing he can do is start complimenting your appearance, including your breasts. He could show you just how much he appreciates and enjoys what you do have. It may seem ackward at first but my guess it that over time, you will see yourself the same way that he does.

He's been very good about complimenting me. I guess I'm the one with the problem of not really believing him based on what I know about the male species in general. Their intense fascination with breasts!!

J, don't make yourself crazy over the breast size. He obviously likes them and besides if he is doing all the right things to make your marriage better why worry about breast? About the male species, they are not all the same- latin men prefer big butts and wide hips over big breast. All men like different things-in our culture they make us feel like its breast. <p>By the way, 36B is not small. Can you jog with out a sports bra? if your answer is no than you are big! <p>I don't believe in this whole appearance thing- men will go with anyone when they are in a fog- if the wife is thin the OW is overweight, if the wife is overweight the OW is thin. Don't kill yourself over this. She has nothing over you.

As a well endowed woman I hesitate to say this, but.....<p>You need a new mind image of her… <p>If she is THAT big then your H's fascination with her size is something like the type of fascination people have with circus freaks.. the ‘breaded woman’, ‘the fat woman’, the ‘spider woman’. Well she’s the ‘boob woman’. People always stare at the oddities.<p>If her breast size were that important a thing, she would not have to chase a married man to get someone.

My WH also said he liked OW breasts (when I pushed him to tell me what body part he liked...I know immature and stupid). They are very large apparently. Anyhow, he still loves mine and I've got the a*s that he's infatuated with, so I just work that. I spent one day feeling inferior with my saggy chest and c-section tummy, then I "got over it." WH is very attracted to me and the A came from an emotional problem, so I don't let the physical part bother me. I am a C cup, but am a size 10/12 on a 5 foot frame and by no means am skinny. But I'm learning that there are a lot of men out there that like a woman with curves...makes my WH jealous! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>In short, be happy with who and what you are and that will make you even more attractive! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You go Zor!<p>Have you ever seen her? Is there anything else you could exaggerate about her just a tich?<p>When Dad remarried, Mom couldn't stand it, so she made a song about my SMoms name. She went around the house singing it. Now, this may not have been really nice for me as the child. But if you could adapt a bit, and not do it in front of kids....<p>She changed the song - EXCUSE MY SINGING VOICE - G L O R I A glooorrreeeaaaa G L O R I A , to a really catchy B R E N D A brreeennnndddaaa, B R E N D A breeennnnnddda! I shout it every where...<p>You get the picture. I think it helped her through a world of hurt, and even to this day sometimes when my sis or I is in bad with the SMom, we might start hummming along....<p>And yes, I know I come from a really weird family. But whatever it takes to get you through it you know?!<p>Elizabeth
Elizabeth oh Lizabeth oh do you know lizabeth,
lizabeth the tatooed lady,
she swings from the trees,
while the birds peck her knees....

It's not and wasn't about her boobs! I promise. Sure, men love breasts but I don't think it has anything to do with their size. In the cases where it does, the men are shallow. <p>I've dated one man in the two years I've been separated (now divorced). It was a really short relationship too. I was sooooo insecure about my body because I hadn't been with anyone except my husband in about 10 years, I've had two kids and I am skinny. Basically, I have no boobs. You know what? This man loved my body because we had an emotional connection even though it was short lived. The lack of breasts was never an issue.<p>My father totally adored my mother and was completely devoted and faithful to her. BUT, he still looked at others. I think it's just something that normal, healthy men do.<p>Hang in there. It's got to be a real struggle.<p>Love,
BB

Yes I've seen her. Still do see her. A whole lot more than I wish I did. She's bigger than a cantelope although not as big as a volley ball. I guess I could imagine them looking like cantelopes! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Might give me a more humourous outlook on them when they cross my mind. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

She has no figure what so ever. No boobs, no butt, She is build like a young boy. She not pretty at all. Yuk!

now mon, what on earth is that supposed to mean. Explain please so that I can get the message out of it that you are trying to convey. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Jamup,<p>I'm guessing Mon is describing her H's OW. <p>Right, Mon??????

Or is mon telling me to let go of it and for my sanity "pretend" that the OW looks that way?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jamup:
Or is mon telling me to let go of it and for my sanity "pretend" that the OW looks that way?<hr></blockquote><p>Yep, that's even better, Jam. Go with that.

jamup,<p>I don't know why I am responding to this, but I am. First, I am a guy. Older guy with shall we say some experience. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I believe that Zorweb as usual is right. It is the oddity that draws attention. For example, have you ever seen a really tall man?? Say 7 feet tall? Most people stop and stare, and yes that includes women, but that doesn't mean they desire the guy or want to be with him. Same with people with really odd shapes.<p>Frankly, I notice peoples physical build: Male or female. If they are unusual in walk, manner, or appearance, I am curious as to what draws my interest. But, it is not attraction and it is not a put down, it is noticing things that differ from the norm.<p>Most men are facinated with the female breast, BUT they quickly become more fascinated with the female. Size is not the determinator. Very large attracts attention, as does very small. But, attention is not attraction, nor is it love.<p>Frankly, I am breat man, but I cannot for the life of me understand breast implants, except in the case of medical issues. I have decided it must be for the women, so that they think they look better in their clothes. It really isn't for men, unless it is simply so that they can get men's attention, but as I said that doesn't lead to attraction unless there is something else there.<p>It sounds from what you have said you have the whole package, the OW did not. However, having said that I do hope that you and your H have come to understand why his EA occured. That is the main thing.<p>I will say that as a male I am constantly amazed at the very attractive women (most women in my mind [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) who seem to have such low opinions of themselves. Study after study, shows that most men seem to have a postive image of themselves physically, even if it isn't warrented, and women seem to have a negative image when clearly they shouldn't.<p>Oh Well, I guess that is what makes the world go round. But don't keep worrying about this woman. She may draw attention but that is it.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Thanks JL, I originally asked for advice from the women, but now I see that hearing a response from the male perspective may help me even more. And yes we did identify the problem. And it was not physical attractiveness. It was affection - or rather the lack of. We've fixed all of those problems, and that's why I want to be able to let go of this breast issue. I realize it was not the reason for the A although it may have aided him in his desire to have the A with her instead of someone else.

Just think those boobs are gonna sag down to her belly button some day<p>
gravity sucks!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>peace!