The OWs Anatomy - Marriage Builders® Forums

Gals, please help me. My WH is back safe and sound in my arms and our recovery is going text book well. No serious hitches.
OK, so what's the problem? Well I can't get over the size of the OWs chest. She's like 10 to 20 times larger than me!! Yes she's very endowed. I'm a 36B and she's so big I don't even know how they measure those sizes. (and she's not much overweight if any).
Hubby says, and has shown that he is content with mine. He says "no" every time I mention a breast job. But he also admits that he has trouble not still looking at the OWs chest when he sees her. (he's studying a book on temptation and is honestly trying to wrestle with this). All these years I've always thought my size was enough, I didn't realize how caught up men are on breasts. He says even if she had been smaller the A would have probably happened anyway because he was seeking attention, not sexual fulfillment.
For the record he did not have sex with her, but she initiated kissing (with his approval) and he did fondle her breasts. This happened during the last 2 weeks before he broke off the A.
He's telling me all of the right things, but I'm so down on myself about my small size. I just wonder if he'll ever really be satisfied or if he'll always feel like he settled for 2nd best because it was the "right" thing to do. Help!!! I don't want to ruin our recovery by not being able to let this go.

Well, it just goes to show that someone who is built like that is not someone that your husband chose to marry...OH and 36B is not that small, imo... 36B is bigger than 24A...

I t sounds as if the breasts were not the issue... it is like my h and his THIN ow.... that never had a baby... he has told me he liked her being so thin... well, well well isn't that nice to know... I am only a size 8, and no that is not the end of the world... I do need to lose weight and I am working on it... but we cannot be someone else..if you really want to increase your cup size.. although it is not neccessary .. try some of those creams.. they advertise... you never know they may work... I have thought about it... as my h seems more and more caught up in physical beauty lately... and says part of the a was an attractive ness issue.... I used to be gorgeous... but after the kids and a back problem put on some weight and quit taking as good of care of myself... because of the pain and all my responsibilities.....Anyway, I am trying my hardest to be beautiful, keeping my nails done... etc... But if your h is not expressing to you an attractiveness issue... then don't even worry... all women are different... and what matters most is you, and who you are... I do know my H is caught up in beauty lately... and I wonder... is this the kind of H I really want... does this mean, if I did not look right at 33, he will turn me in for a younger model at 40 too?SOrry to ramble about my feelings... I am sorry you hurting, just thought it would help to know that ... others are feeling low and self conscious too... out here in affair land... I hope the breat issue is not as serious as my weight issue... but it is only 25 pounds... let me just take them off!!! thanks, H

I wish it was something as "possible" as losing weight. I've lost 15 lbs since D-Day. I'm headed to a size 6 now. He says he doesn't want me to be a size 2 or anything. When we filled out the emotional needs survey, he rated an attractive spouse very low and said I pleased him at a level of 5 (out of a possible 6). He said the reason it wasn't a six was because he didn't like some of the business outfits I wear. When we married I did the "cowgirl" thing and after getting a professional job, I dropped it. I really don't like those clothes anymore. Maybe I should go back to them for him. He has gone shopping with me and we've compromised on some non-cowgirl stuff. I guess we'll try that first.
I guess I'm hung up on the breasts because that's the only thing she can still offer him that I can't. I can offer attention, affection, support, sex, flirting, etc - the list goes on and on. But I can't offer him huge breasts. And yes he married a small breasted woman, but we were so young at the time that all of the available girls were small chested. He'd never dated a large breasted woman.

One thing he can do is start complimenting your appearance, including your breasts. He could show you just how much he appreciates and enjoys what you do have. It may seem ackward at first but my guess it that over time, you will see yourself the same way that he does.

He's been very good about complimenting me. I guess I'm the one with the problem of not really believing him based on what I know about the male species in general. Their intense fascination with breasts!!

J, don't make yourself crazy over the breast size. He obviously likes them and besides if he is doing all the right things to make your marriage better why worry about breast? About the male species, they are not all the same- latin men prefer big butts and wide hips over big breast. All men like different things-in our culture they make us feel like its breast. By the way, 36B is not small. Can you jog with out a sports bra? if your answer is no than you are big! I don't believe in this whole appearance thing- men will go with anyone when they are in a fog- if the wife is thin the OW is overweight, if the wife is overweight the OW is thin. Don't kill yourself over this. She has nothing over you.

As a well endowed woman I hesitate to say this, but.....You need a new mind image of her… If she is THAT big then your H's fascination with her size is something like the type of fascination people have with circus freaks.. the ‘breaded woman’, ‘the fat woman’, the ‘spider woman’. Well she’s the ‘boob woman’. People always stare at the oddities.If her breast size were that important a thing, she would not have to chase a married man to get someone.

My WH also said he liked OW breasts (when I pushed him to tell me what body part he liked...I know immature and stupid). They are very large apparently. Anyhow, he still loves mine and I've got the a*s that he's infatuated with, so I just work that. I spent one day feeling inferior with my saggy chest and c-section tummy, then I "got over it." WH is very attracted to me and the A came from an emotional problem, so I don't let the physical part bother me. I am a C cup, but am a size 10/12 on a 5 foot frame and by no means am skinny. But I'm learning that there are a lot of men out there that like a woman with curves...makes my WH jealous! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] In short, be happy with who and what you are and that will make you even more attractive! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You go Zor!Have you ever seen her? Is there anything else you could exaggerate about her just a tich?When Dad remarried, Mom couldn't stand it, so she made a song about my SMoms name. She went around the house singing it. Now, this may not have been really nice for me as the child. But if you could adapt a bit, and not do it in front of kids....She changed the song - EXCUSE MY SINGING VOICE - G L O R I A glooorrreeeaaaa G L O R I A , to a really catchy B R E N D A brreeennnndddaaa, B R E N D A breeennnnnddda! I shout it every where...You get the picture. I think it helped her through a world of hurt, and even to this day sometimes when my sis or I is in bad with the SMom, we might start hummming along....And yes, I know I come from a really weird family. But whatever it takes to get you through it you know?!Elizabeth
Elizabeth oh Lizabeth oh do you know lizabeth,
lizabeth the tatooed lady,
she swings from the trees,
while the birds peck her knees....

It's not and wasn't about her boobs! I promise. Sure, men love breasts but I don't think it has anything to do with their size. In the cases where it does, the men are shallow. I've dated one man in the two years I've been separated (now divorced). It was a really short relationship too. I was sooooo insecure about my body because I hadn't been with anyone except my husband in about 10 years, I've had two kids and I am skinny. Basically, I have no boobs. You know what? This man loved my body because we had an emotional connection even though it was short lived. The lack of breasts was never an issue.My father totally adored my mother and was completely devoted and faithful to her. BUT, he still looked at others. I think it's just something that normal, healthy men do.Hang in there. It's got to be a real struggle.Love,
BB

Yes I've seen her. Still do see her. A whole lot more than I wish I did. She's bigger than a cantelope although not as big as a volley ball. I guess I could imagine them looking like cantelopes! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Might give me a more humourous outlook on them when they cross my mind. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

She has no figure what so ever. No boobs, no butt, She is build like a young boy. She not pretty at all. Yuk!

now mon, what on earth is that supposed to mean. Explain please so that I can get the message out of it that you are trying to convey. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Jamup,I'm guessing Mon is describing her H's OW. Right, Mon??????

Or is mon telling me to let go of it and for my sanity "pretend" that the OW looks that way?

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by jamup:
Or is mon telling me to let go of it and for my sanity "pretend" that the OW looks that way?<hr></blockquote>Yep, that's even better, Jam. Go with that.

jamup,I don't know why I am responding to this, but I am. First, I am a guy. Older guy with shall we say some experience. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I believe that Zorweb as usual is right. It is the oddity that draws attention. For example, have you ever seen a really tall man?? Say 7 feet tall? Most people stop and stare, and yes that includes women, but that doesn't mean they desire the guy or want to be with him. Same with people with really odd shapes.Frankly, I notice peoples physical build: Male or female. If they are unusual in walk, manner, or appearance, I am curious as to what draws my interest. But, it is not attraction and it is not a put down, it is noticing things that differ from the norm.Most men are facinated with the female breast, BUT they quickly become more fascinated with the female. Size is not the determinator. Very large attracts attention, as does very small. But, attention is not attraction, nor is it love.Frankly, I am breat man, but I cannot for the life of me understand breast implants, except in the case of medical issues. I have decided it must be for the women, so that they think they look better in their clothes. It really isn't for men, unless it is simply so that they can get men's attention, but as I said that doesn't lead to attraction unless there is something else there.It sounds from what you have said you have the whole package, the OW did not. However, having said that I do hope that you and your H have come to understand why his EA occured. That is the main thing.I will say that as a male I am constantly amazed at the very attractive women (most women in my mind [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) who seem to have such low opinions of themselves. Study after study, shows that most men seem to have a postive image of themselves physically, even if it isn't warrented, and women seem to have a negative image when clearly they shouldn't.Oh Well, I guess that is what makes the world go round. But don't keep worrying about this woman. She may draw attention but that is it.God Bless,JL

Thanks JL, I originally asked for advice from the women, but now I see that hearing a response from the male perspective may help me even more. And yes we did identify the problem. And it was not physical attractiveness. It was affection - or rather the lack of. We've fixed all of those problems, and that's why I want to be able to let go of this breast issue. I realize it was not the reason for the A although it may have aided him in his desire to have the A with her instead of someone else.

Just think those boobs are gonna sag down to her belly button some day
gravity sucks!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] peace!

jamup,
Another reply from the male perspective. My wife is an "a" cup and has the typical "mama belly" from having two children, yet I adored her body. I wish to God I was holding her now.
She has a history of breast cancer in her family and I thought before we were married "what if she were to have a mastectomy?"
I realized then that it's not what you carry on the outside of your chest but what you carry within it, in your heart.

Jamup, I am sorry- I did not mean to make you feel bad about mentioning that my h wants me to lose weight and I think I can do it.... if your H really wants bigger breasts you can do that too! In my opinion... but he told you he does not....So, I do not think it is the breast issue... my H is actually telling me what is wrong with me... not just the weight... other issues.... oh I missed a hair on my leg... he doesn't like my hair "striped" as you call it... highlighted as I call it.... what else is in his list? He thinks I need to brush my teeth more often because sometimes I have bad breath (who doesn't) and it is a major turn off to him... I even tried buying some super sexy lingerie... but got a lecture.. that that is not what he likes..he likes demure women in white cotten panties.... what else..? He is sooo picky, and when we married he thought I was the most beautiful woman on earth... what happened? I guess 2 kids... I am not sure what else I did wrong... gained weight... got angry at him when he was irresponsible or mean... etc etc...At least your H doesn't have the long list of changes desired in you? right?Hugs to you, I bet you are
beautiful, sexy, intelligent and wonderful... now say that to yourself in the mirror 3x a day! K?Honey

Well, I'm the big-breasted one, and my H is a breast man, one among the many things I don't understand about this. He also says my genitalia is far superior and told of this in detail as to inner anatomy and how disappointing it was the first time with OW, as soon as he was inside his first thought being, "This is not at ALL what I've been used to."Before the A, all this talk about my attributes was very encouraging because my H's number of partners before meeting me was in the triple digits, so to be told that you're the best out of so many is very flattering. And he still says the same things, that none of that has changed.But I'm left to wonder if I was that attractive and had all the right parts and do everything better than anyone else, then why discard me? Hard to believe any of that stuff anymore.His answer is that he thought he had already lost me, was convinced that I no longer loved him. The fact is that I also felt that he didn't love me anymore, but I valued what we once had with each other enough to not risk permanently throwing it away by having an A. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I think we have to just reach into ourselves to find the beauty there. My guess is that you have beautiful breasts, and that they have given you and your H more pleasure than anything he got while slumming. Sometimes it helps to focus on what our body parts do and what they are capable of rather than what they look like.

Honey, you are so sweet. You sure know how to make a girl tear up!!And thanks to the rest of you for your encouragement. The only physical changes he suggested were ones I prompted out of him. I just want to be sure I'm doing all I can do to keep his eyes, thoughts, etc. from wandering again. The physical changes were not "undoable" things either. He likes my hair better long, likes me to wear perfume, etc.The only change he has ever requested from me is to "want him." Not just sexually, but as a friend. Therein lied the ruit of our problem.

I think small boobs are sexy as hell. especially under a soft sweater.

You guys make me laugh...Sitting here feeling miserable and sick and I read wat Mon wrote...I understood it...then to read Jamups confusion, then Resilient trying to sort it out...Thanks guys...just something small I know, but I'm smiling!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] DANCER

Oh, all that laughing made me forget to add...I dont need to wear a sports bra...usually...well, I'm breastfeeding at the moment. But even tho I'm breastfeeding...I dont even need to wear a bra at all...like, right now I'm wearing a singlet top, no bra...do this all the time and no, I'm not afraid of sagging...wish I was, it would mean I'd have something to worry about.My H told me all the time he likes mine, but I still neva believed him...it was how I saw myself. Still do. Dancer

Dancer,My suggestion: Believe your H. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Us guys know what we like and will be honest about it.God Bless,JL

I think this is the first time in my life that I've ever wished for bigger breasts. In high school I played basketball and ran track, so I was thankful to not come home from every practice with 2 black eyes. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I've always been glad that men did not gawk at my chest- wanting to get to know it instead of getting to know me. I've also always been glad (in hindsight) that I didn't have those pesky teenage boys constantly trying to paw me. Oh they tried, but not nearly as much as if I'd have been bigger chested. I've always accepted my size until now. Even if I could "pick a size", I would not want them as large as hers are. No need having back trouble. And she's old enough that gravity has already taken control and she's had a lift job. I guess you have to take care of your best assets.

I know! I know!I have really big ones, and want to have cute perky little ones, sooooI will give you one of mine! You can cut it in two, and that will be more than sufficient! Then I'll take my remaining boobie and cut it into 4 quarters. 2 of them will be my nice new perky cute boobies, and then I will buy a sweater and wrap the other 2 parts in it and send it to Easy E to use as sort of a woobie, a comfort item.All solved.Thank me later.ElizabethPS Maybe SNL will do the surgery for us, he is kind of a mad scientist with all that biology stuff...... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Have you ever watched an implant surgery? Esp. the types they do nowadays so that there are no scars left? They go through the belly button and push the empty implant all the way through your tissues until it goes in place, then they blow it up. OMGosh! (cringing) Not worth all that pain... IMOBut if you truly want bigger boobies, then do it. There IS a way... However, I don't think changing your appearance this drastically will prevent your H from having affairs tho. He needs to be willing to start protecting himself from his own weaknesses.OW really has nothing to offer your H, which is why he remains with you. Relish in that instead of allowing OW to be superior to you in any way in your thought-life.

From my perception, this is one of those things where the grass always seems greener. I am a 38D and life isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't remember the last time in my life that my breasts were "perky". Forget about finding a really good, supportive, pretty bra in the local department store. Buying shirts is no picnic. Most of the time I have to go up a size just so the shirt won't gap between the breasts. And don't get me started on the back trouble; the seemingly constant ache between the shoulder blades. Yes, men to tend to notice and at times that isn't the most flattering thing in the world. I have considered breast reduction but cancelled that idea after watching one of the shows that actually shows the operation. 36B doesn't sound all that bad to me. I don't consider that too large or too small. Jamup, I don't know what to specifically tell you. We all have our own hangups about our bodies. But rest assured that there are those of us out there that would love to have breasts the size of yours.

I guess it comes back to trying to protect myself from him ever having an A again. My breast size is the one thing I can't "fix." (Even though he's not requesting it).

Believe him....bigger's not always better. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Look at it this way, the space is in her head for brains was replaced by air. Her "brains" were put in her breasts, that's the only thing she has to offer!!!By the way, I'm a 36B too, I've always heard that more than a handful is just a waste!! LOL!!

"OK"..........Question.........been killing me for years!Flat, small, medium or large.......anyone else out there ever wish they were unzippable and removable (just through them right on up on the dresser for the night, so you can sleep on your belly all night)........ [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Me: I'm 40 (look about 35), 5'1" 115 lbs. 36C, flat backside though, blondish-red hair and blue eyes. Fair skin (in spite of this mess for last 3 years, I have very few lines)...... (I am FAITHFUL, loving and WH once told me that he loved me for having a forgiving heart.........I'm an Officer.OW: 50's+, leathery skin, tons of wrinkles, wears make-up like a clown or Cleopatra, marinates in the perfume......puts her make-up on with a trowel or road grator...she is short, maybe 4'9? Big caboose and is built very mis-proportioned, big head, little trunk, short legs and big caboose. Urine yellow eyes (freaky). Nice house, van, reeks of money........acts like a teenager...go figure..... She's an LPN.....3 years ago, I deliberately put my makeup on like her and flopped up on the counter on my belly and swung my legs in the air like I would see her do at work........should have seen his face....WH "OBVIOUSLY" was disgusted and told me to go wash that "S**T off my face........go figure.....AND my WH long before this used to "tease me" that he was going to find an older woman, take her for everything she's got and come back to me forever........."USED TO BOIL ME"......Wished I'd been faster on my feet and responded:And what makes you think I'd want you???????Sorry Lord........I couldn't help myself.......Headed to PRAY!!!!!!!

velcro. that way you could put them in differnet places.E

Jamup, believe your H. If he had a fascination with big ones before, maybe he has satisfied himself that they aren't so great afterall. Anyway he isn't making a big deal, so don't obsess on it, and focus on meeting his EN's, and you will be fine [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by jamup:
Yes I've seen her. Still do see her. A whole lot more than I wish I did. She's bigger than a cantelope although not as big as a volley ball. I guess I could imagine them looking like cantelopes! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Might give me a more humourous outlook on them when they cross my mind. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <hr></blockquote>
Dear Jamup,About the 'canteloupes', my grandmother (very reliable source) says those can turn into 'watermelons' if you don't take care of them. So picture these elongated, droopy watermelons. At least that's what happened in the olden days when women didn't wear bras!!!!How about this??? The bigger they are, the harder they fall?!?!?!? Whatever, remember if it is body parts he wants, you can always get him body parts. But it is much more exciting to have the entire body including the one with the Brain! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] L.

Speaking from the POV of someone who was a 38D+ at max wt, pregnant and nursing and now a 34C -- that is the line between needing those ugly supportive corset-like contraptions to being able to buy a sexy Victoria Secret bra. I think I'll go shopping this week. I think you should go too and find something sexy that makes you feel good and that your H will like. You deserve it!

Thank you shellshocked, I've been thinking of that very thing. (buying some sexy bras). I've also been thinking that if I could view myself as sexier, I would act sexier, (which is what she was good at - acting sexy) and therefore feel and be sexier to him. He's not much into lingeree (sp), but maybe I need to get something besides those cotton gowns for my sake. He'd just as soon I come to bed nude! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] But part of being sexy is feeling sexy.I can't give him huge tits, however, I can give him attention, flirtations, affection - all real reasons he was attracted to her - besides the canteloupes.

ok, 36DD checking in here. after 2 kids and breast feeding both...you dont want to know. i have been thinking about the lift surgery, but i found out they use implant also in this surgery. i dont want that.
and about the ugly bra thing-i have incredible bra's from fredericks. yes they seem very slutty-but they support the he// out of ya.

Sexy is an attitude. To be sexy , you need to feel sexy. To feel sexy, you need to think and believe you are.

<blockquote>quote:<hr>I guess it comes back to trying to protect myself from him ever having an A again. <hr></blockquote>Look back at what you wrote earlier... <blockquote>quote:<hr>He says even if she had been smaller the A would have probably happened anyway because he was seeking attention, not sexual fulfillment.<hr></blockquote>So, the answer is not to obsess about your size. The answer is to continue provide him with love and attention...how you make him feel inside...[ May 20, 2002: Message edited by: kam6318 ]