OW - 5'3"
Me - 5'7"<p>OW - 100 lb
Me - 160 lb
(ouch)<p>OW - Long Blonde Hair
Me - Short brown Hair<p>OW - Beautiful, a total knock-out
Me - Just average<p>OW - made him feel special, like a King
Me - buisness partner with home and kid<p>It seem to me that the physical was the most important. H did say that she attracted him because he was thinking "what would someone that looks like her see in me". H is attractive but no model [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

You know....these posts comparing the OW or OM to ourselves is really not productive.<p>I know how bad it hurts, when I first found out what my H's OW looked like, it was devastating to me - she was 10 years older, much thinner, more sophisticated, more beautiful, yadda yadda.<p>My H also says that sex with her was much better.<p>Bleah. That hurts alot. I don't know that it will ever stop hurting.<p>BUT, honestly, the issue is NOT about who was better looking or better in the sack.<p>The REAL honest issue is how the OP makes the WS feel about themselves. If the OP is good at making the WS feel good about themselves...the rest is incidental. Yes, looks and sex can be part of that, but its not really the main issue and we get far too stuck in that thinking.<p>It's all about attitude folks - it's not about looks or sex.

Ya know... I listed the OM earlier... never even occured to me to list my ex's FIVE OW... geesh... if I compare myself to them, as a conglomeration (sp?) I REALLY couldn't win.<p>There's blond, tan and shortish with an ankle bracelet
And...
blond, tan and tallish with high cheekbones
And...
Fat, short and brownish - I have no IDEA where that one came from
And...
blond, tall, shapely
And finally...
Short, chubby and red hair down to her a$$<p>Put them all together and you have a mutant Ann Margaret. LOL<p>Still, BR is right, it doesn't serve any purpose... and it never makes any sense anyway. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

MY H's OW is 27 years younger than me. I'm 50, she's 23. She weighs more than my H and 2.3 times as much as me. She is homely, uneducated, and crude (lots of foul language, gruff behavior, and loud). <p>The reason my H is with OW instead of me is that she adores him. He has said he wanted me to love him the way OW does. He felt that I never loved him enough. He also feels like she needs him and that I'm too self-sufficient. He says he's sick of me being the healthy one and him being the sick one, him being the bad one and me being the good one. <p>H is also an addict/alcoholic and OW is willing to live with this while I no longer am. Neither of them works - they are living off the money from our company that he no longer helps to run.

First of all I see nothing wrong with this type of post once in awhile. It gives us a chance to vent and tell others of OP's. That is far better then communicating with OP!<p>I have never laid eyes on my WH's OW. I can just tell about what my WH said each time he returned home and what other people tell me.<p>She is not a great looking person, in fact she is short and dumpy. I am on the heavy side also, but I do keep myself looking the best I can (makeup, hair, etc.) and always have. <p>My WH has told me on one of our false recoveries that she likes to control him and thinks she is very "worldly". Guess that means she knows all! <p>I am totally convinced now that since she is so worldy that she as convinced my WH that I am no good for him. My WH has fed this OW so much false information about our relationship that this woman keeps bringing this up to him.<p>On many of our false recoveries my WH said I was better in bed.<p>He has told me that she talks to him. They snuggle up and talk before going to bed. I tried to do this many times only to be turned away. Since my husband never withdrew from her he had to withdraw from me.<p>He also told me that he felt sorry for her. She needed so much done around her house and he helped her. Our place needs lots of work also, but he tells me her place was worse. LOL???? Is this suppose to atract men? Now I am being catapulted into poverty and don't see many home improvement projects happening in the future. WH hardly ever did home improvement projects anyway and I surprised by his sudden "Mr. Handyman" tittle.<p>OW left far away town where her two children live with XH to come after a married man. I have always nurtured and stayed close to my children including driving to and from high school. And college!<p>WH says OW is "wonderful"!<p>That's about all I can think of now.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Acme:
<strong> What was it that attracted them to the OP? </strong><hr></blockquote><p> My H was depressed in a mid life crisis. He was saying things like "I don't want repsonsibilities, I just want toparty like when I was in college." OW was 22 years old (he was 35). She very blatantly showed interest, followed him around like a puppy at work, came to him with her "problems" and kept encouraging him to "come out and have some fun" with her (she was a barfly). So he got to be a knight in shining armor, "rescuing" her from her sad, sad life (sniffle) and he got to pretend he was 22 again hanging out in bars and partying. Knight in shining armor started to get old pretty quickly (he realized that a needy and demanding woman isn't very fun) and he soon realized that his "let's go have fun" OW wanted a new Daddy for her kid and for him to support her in the manner to which she wanted to become acustomed. She wasn't better looking, thinner or anything else preferential to me. She was just new/different and very willing.<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: fairydust ]</p>

The OW is 24 and my WH just turned 40. He very clearly wants to be 19/20 again -- it's all he talks about/what he did then, how his life didn't turn out like he thought at that time. Only pictures in his apartment of are of him in his glory days of mountaineering at age 20-22. <p>OW looks pretty similar to me -- but she's younger. OW adores/worships him and everything he says are words of wisdom in her mind. OW clearly meets some of my WH needs to be admired.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by BrambleRose:
[QB]You know....these posts comparing the OW or OM to ourselves is really not productive.<p>I know how bad it hurts, when I first found out what my H's OW looked like, it was devastating to me - she was 10 years older, much thinner, more sophisticated, more beautiful, yadda yadda.<p>My H also says that sex with her was much better.<p>Bleah. That hurts alot. I don't know that it will ever stop hurting.<p>BUT, honestly, the issue is NOT about who was better looking or better in the sack.<p>The REAL honest issue is how the OP makes the WS feel about themselves. If the OP is good at making the WS feel good about themselves...the rest is incidental. Yes, looks and sex can be part of that, but its not really the main issue and we get far too stuck in that thinking.<p>You have said it best. It serves little or no purpose.
I was OW and WS. I can relate because I always wondered about the W, what was she like, did I look like her, were we opposites,etc. Because I didn't understand at first that it was of no value to me to know. When I discovered that she and I looked very much alike, same eye color, same hair,both quiet and shy, etc. I didn't know what to make of it. Until I discovered it wasn't about looks other than some initial physical attraction. Then on the other side, I knew that my OM looked nothing like my H. My H has good looks that get noticed. My OM is good looking but in a way that grew on me as I got to like him more and more as a person. Suddenly I found his balding cute, his blue eyes were more beautiful than the sky, this height was not so bad (5'8'' compared to 6'0 husband, etc) Sorry, I went off on a tangent. Looks are in the eye of the beholder. Its about how we feel when we're with this person more than anything.
]

I have to agree with JR on this one. My exMM is not more attractive than my H. My H is good looking, and is a good lover (very experimental). They are both about the same height and coloring however. As a matter of fact, when I was starting to get disgruntled with the affair, I started to notice things I did not find attractive (like his hairy back/[censored]!), and he was so full of himself. I began to feel like I was really feeding into that too, pumping his ego. After awhile, I was like if you are so great, how come you can't even get your own wife to f*** you??? At first, I loved making him feel good. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Oh yeah, from what exMM told me about wife, she was much shorter than me and still had her baby weight on. She had blond hair and blue eyes. One thing he told me a lot was he loved my body, and the fact I let him touch it without cringing. I am tall and thin with natural blond hair and blue eyes. He still said she was pretty, and that he loved her. He told me if there was more affection, he wouldn't be straying. That his wife was the person he wanted intimacy and sex with. (Oh yeah, he also said she had A LOT of sexual hangups, don't do this, don't do that). I know now I was sort of a surrogate for what he wasn't getting from his wife. I sometimes felt in his mind when we were having sex, I was his wife, and he was getting out the emotions he wasn't able to show her. Maybe I am over-analyzing, but that is what would go thru my mind sometimes.<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: findingmywayback ]</p>

She was fun, I was predictable.<p>She was new, I was old.<p>She flirted, I cleaned house.<p>She was huge chested, I'm not.<p>She "wanted" him sexually, I had allowed the fire to go out. (although she never got him sexually).
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She was full of energy and excitement, I was worn out.<p>Basically I thing the A had more to do about what I wasn't than what she was. She gave him attention. I ignored him. 'nuff said.

oh, and she was 15 years OLDER than I was. (But very experienced at initiating affairs as this is her favorite hobby.)

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>BR said,
BUT, honestly, the issue is NOT about who was better looking or better in the sack.<p> The REAL honest issue is how the OP makes the WS feel about themselves. If the OP is good at making the WS feel good about themselves...the rest is incidental. Yes, looks and sex can be part of that, but its not really the main issue and we get far too stuck in that thinking.<p> It's all about attitude folks - it's not about looks or sex.<hr></blockquote><p> Bravo BR. I believe you hit the nail on the head. My OW is much younger than I. She has long blonde hair, and is quite beautiful. <p> BUT, I was already in an EA before I ever laid eyes on her. It was/is all about how she makes me feel during conversation. <p> I must add that OW has the qualities my W used to have. I believe my W still shows these same things to her OMs. She has the ability to make people feel good about themselves....well everyone except for her H that is. <p> Bramblerose is right on target. Looks make very little difference in the end.<p> jd

I actually don't have to write my own post here. I can take a little of this one, and a bit of that. It does all seem to be the same story in ways. <p>What is most telling is that although we may realize that the physical attributes of the OP have little to do with the relationship, we still feel less than, and try to bring it down to a more tangable level. Know what I mean? It is much easier for me to say that she was young, blonde, and thin than it is for me to say that the marriage was in some way defective.<p>Anyway, I'll play cause I still like to dumb it down. Mind you, this only describes the last OW, and does not take into account the crack whores, other OW's, and various hookers and 'exotic dancers'.<p>ME ............... HER
short ............ tall
fat ............... thin
mouse brown .............. blonde
2 kids ............ just a kid herself at 23
tired at home mom ............... interesting working gal
mortgage, bills, taxes ........... bars, beer, dancing
smoking pots from cooking...... smoking pot for a high
wears slippers .............. wears mini skirts
wears big white undies......... thong
c-section scar ............ bikini
stretch marks ............. tatoo
station wagon ............ sports car
wedding ring ............... toe ring
yells at kids ................ yells in passion<p>I could go on for hours, but I think you got the picture...<p>Elizabeth<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: justthewife ]</p>