whew!<p>I'm glad for you this is what she said, now for her follow-up behavior...keep praying.

SiSF,<p>This is very good news. Very good indeed, BUT inquiring minds want to know. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] What has changed to cause her turnaround from last week? I am guessing it might have been the wedding. Am I close? Did she want to walk with you because she had things to say, before you gave her the letter?<p>Take good care of yourself SiSF and let this thinkg progress for awhile. I am sure it will be up and down as your W addresses the issues within herself. But, you have done very well.<p>God Bless,<p>JL<p>[ May 07, 2002: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</p>

SiSF:<p>WOW! Most excellent development. I'm wondering, like JL, what (besides your letter) made this change appear so suddenly in your W? <p>My W and I have our MC session this afternoon. I'm hopeful that we'll reach a similar point (talking about how to break off with OM for good), but I'm not going to be too pushy for that. W had her IC yesterday, and was very cheery last night (called me as I was leaving work just to find out when I was coming home - nothing to say, just to talk [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ). But she didn't talk about her IC session, and I didn't ask, figuring we'd talk plenty this afternoon.<p>Good luck to you, SiSF. Sounds like a major step in the right direction!

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <---------------------> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Let her know probably NC letter under MB principal is best for the next step. -RH-

redhat: <p>Presumably you're talking to SiSF? Or were you referring to me?<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

to SiSF ...<p>The smilies is for you too, just sit back 2long ... let the situation sink in your W's head.<p>-RH-

Shattered - It sounds like you are moving in a positive direction. Way to go for hanging in there and taking action. I'm dying to know more details - I guess I'm a snoop at heart! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Anyway - continued prayers and thoughts to you and your W.

Hi, gang! Didn't realize so many were hanging on for the "soap opera" update! Would have posted sooner but my wife and I just got back from spending the day together: breakfast, movie, long walk, etc. A little more etc. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She did some thinking while she was away. She said she really missed me in Vegas and knew something was wrong with me. She said while away it hit her that her A was a friendship that went haywire, and that she knew her future was with me and the boys.<p>She didn't get mad at all about the tape recording. I had explained in the letter what led up to my doing that, and she understood. As it turns out, the only thing the tape revealed that she hadn't earlier was the depth of their feelings for each other. Tape confirmed that the last couple months before D-day, they were intentionally not physical like they had been before. The twelve years was the duration of their friendship. EA and PA dates were about what she had told me originally.<p>The second page of the letter was a list of ways I had proven my love to her over the years: from the day we met (6/15/72) right up through trying to save our M. I think that softened her up a lot as she realized that, yes, I HAVE always been there for her.<p>She said she called OM because she was more than a little irritated that he was reported to be happier than ever while she and I have been suffering. She said she wanted to believe that their R meant something to him and she was not just a statistic. The more they talked, the more he started saying nice things, then escalated to the "love" talk. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When we discussed things yesterday, I told her that it upset me to hear OM mention how God did so many wonderful things in their R. I said God doesn't engineer adulterous Rs, that's the devil's doing, and the only part God can play is in deliverance from their sin and renewing of their spirits. She stopped walking and said, "This really has been so wrong. How could I have been so blind and weak?"<p>As we resumed walking, I went through some of the things OM said, like "You're the love of my life", etc., and wondered how many other women he had said that to over the years. She just raised her eyebrows and nodded her head in agreement. I then told her that I've said "I love you" to her alone, ever, I'm the real deal, I can be whatever she needs me to be, and I'm not going to give her up and see her life messed up because I love her more than anyone else ever could. <p>Well, we both cried, held each other really tight, she said she was so sorry for causing me all this pain, and thanked me for teaching her what real love is. (Man, I'm gettin' a little choked up just typing this!) At the end of the day, I told my son that things were looking better for his mom and me. He looked up, smiled, and said, "I'll keep praying." What a kid!<p>This afternoon, we talked about closing the book on the A. She said because it ended so abruptly, and she had adhered to my no-contact request for three months (up 'til the call), she felt like because the A didn't completely die out naturally that there was a need to bring some kind of closure to it. She felt the call accomplished that for her, and she says she has no more desire to talk to him. She wants to move on in truth, not lies. <p>I told her that as far as talking to/seeing him, there's not much I can do about it. The ball is in her court to prove she means what she says, and if I'm ever going to be able to trust her again, this is a good place to start. She said she won't let me down again, knows I'm not going to put up with any more lies or sneaking around, and said her marriage is way more important than the friendship ever was. I then took the tape, destroyed it in front of her, and handed her the recorder. I told her I had learned what I needed to know, now it's up to her to show me she's serious about us. <p>Well, that's the condensed version. I am going to be careful not to get overly optimistic this time until I see how things progress over the next few months. OM moves away in early August, so we'll see how things go 'til then.<p>I've turned this whole situation over to God and I am trusting Him to deliver us both from this mess and renew us completely as the couple he made us to be. By the way, I've always told her that God made her especially for me, as she was born almost exactly nine months after me!<p>Thanks to all for your prayers, support and good thoughts. I know with certainty that I could not be nearly as strong in dealing with this if not for this forum and you wonderful people.<p>"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us," Romans 5:2-5.<p>God's abundant blessings to you all!

Hi Sisf,<p>This is certainly a good report. Not to keep your hopes up but it does sound promising. <p>If your W is being forthcoming with her feelings and words, then the actions are sure to follow. <p>Funny how our children can put in a few pointed sentences what we take a 1000 words to say. The prayers of the humble can move mountains. <p>All the best.
L.

Okay - I'll stop crying now. Wow - tears of joy are flowing right now. I think there is nothing wrong with being optimistic - but just be realistic as well. Your Wife will need to be strong now, and she knows she has your love and support. Who knows, OM may try to screw things up, and test her resolve. Hmm. Then again, maybe not - after my H sent OW the no contact letter we didn't hear a peep from her, but there is no chance of them seeing each other as we are in Alberta and she is in Minnesota!!
Anyway - I think you have done beautifully and your Wife is one lucky woman to have you in her life!!

Orchid, Alberta - thanks for the kind affirmation. It's been a wild 6 days. I'm pretty spent emotionally, and physically I feel like I've just finished back-to-back marathons. The 3 months since D-day #1 has seemed like a year and a half. What a long, strange trip it's been. And yet, compared to many on this board, I've barely begun the roller coaster ride. Strap in and hang on, I guess!

shattered in SF,<p>You are very strong in faith and deep love for your W, roller coaster happen in all of BS/WS/OP ... However w/ faith and love the ride is easier. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .-RH-

SiSF:<p>Good luck to you, again!! Sounds like there's reason to be very hopeful now.

2long - right back atcha!<p>RH - thanks. By the way, I really like your tag line: Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.<p>A great reminder for those of us who are battle-weary. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]