I am not sure how I can help, frankly I never filed so I am not sure about that situation. In my case everything hapenned so fast, between the time I told BH about the A and between the time when I wasn't sure if I wanted to work on my M and ending things with OM. It was during that time that I became pregnant (with OM's baby as it turned out to be). Part of the reason I wanted to work on my M was because of OC (didn't know she was OM's child at that time). So BH (during my pregnancy) did the BEST Plan A possible so by the time I found out OC was OM's, I also knew what a wonderful man my BH is. That certainly made it easier for me to make my decision, but don't get me wrong my fog was THICK!

Frankly Tony, and this is what I keep trying to tell Jay (Heartsore) it wasn't until I saw all I could lose (BH, my children, my life!) that I realized what a huge mistake I was about to make. It wasn't until it was all on the table and OM began to show his true colors that I could begin to see the possibilities within my own M and I was able to realize OM was just a fantasy in my head.

I am not sure the situation with OM in your case or where you WW is in regards to him, if she is in complete infatuation "fog", she may not want to see there is still hope to recover your M. I too felt that way, but at the same time, BH (although not a perfect "H" for a while...) and I had too much history for me to just give up. BUT OM certainly was putting enough pressure for me to WANT to give up!! I am convinced his BRAIN WASHING worked wonders for a while.... again, this is when I have to say God had his hands in it all along because had I NOT gotten pregnant perhaps today I would be living my MISERABLE life with OM! It was my pregnancy that brought BH and I closer together. During my pregnancy (and although still with FULL CONTACT with OM) I did have moments of clear/fog free thinking.... but the moments didn't last long as OM knew just how to manipulate me and how to talk his way into my heart each time.

It is very sad how much control OM/OW can have over the mind/heart of a WW/WH. I think this is where NC becames critical. Now that I've had NC with OM for months, I can actually feel a huge sense of relief and I can honestly say I no longer have any feelings (other than pitty) for him. I wasn't "in love" with OM... he is not someone I would go out if I was single, he is not the kind of man I would want raising my children! But during the foggiest times, I probably could not have said those things to you even though down deep in my heart I knew it. I WANTED the fantasy... don't get me wrong... I did want that, but Thank God for God's intervention because there is no way a life with OM would have been like my "fantasy"!! it would have been more of a NIGHTMARE!!

I think many WW/WH get to a point where they BELIEVE in the fantasy so much, they forget that the reality of every day life will stop that fantasy the minute they begin a life with OM/OW. However, you as a BH cannot do much about that, many WW/WH need to come to that realization on their own. I guess that's where Plan B comes into play.... and it DOES work!! a WW will not be awaken from such fog until REALITY hits them in the head like a ton of bricks!!

I am not sure how plan B works once you receive D papers... will you be talking to Dr Harley??

I am so sorry about today Tony but again, perhaps a blessing in disguise as this may be just what is needed so your WW can start to experience the consequese of her actions too. You are going to fight for custody etc right??


WW (me) 36 BH 37 Married 16 yrs 3 children, 12DD, 4DD, 7 mths DD (OC) D-day 8/05 2nd D-day 10/05 *OC* 3rd D-day 6/08/06 DD *OC* born ~~ If I had known then what I know now ~~