I know what you mean.

When I was having my affair, the cell phone was my life line to the OW.

My wife could not get within 10 feet of my phone. Guarded it with my life.

Now that she has turned the tables and is having an affair of her own, her phone is hung around her neck, 24/7

It's like a new appendage. Part of her body.

Naturally, it is locked with a password which I was able to reset but in so doing, all the data was deleted. Not much help to my cause at the time.

She has since moved out, so that leaves very little room for cell phone snooping but I managed to get phone records from the company, and sure enough....endless calls and texts to her OM while we were together and ongoing while we were apart.

Revenge is a dish best not served. This has put incredible pressure on the marriage. (what marriage, lol)

I have faith that God will restore us. I suggest you do the same. Pray! This is a scary time and you have a lot of trouble ahead. A lot of painful days coming your way and you need incredible strength to face these monsters.

My situation has been going on for three months and is barely showing signs of improvement. I just exposed to the OMW on Saturday. Counting on God for a miracle now.

As for the therapy. My WW did agree to go counseling with me at one point but her angle was "therapy for acceptance of separation" while mine was "therapy for saving the marriage"

Needless to say, it did not go very well at all! She even met with the OM after the sessions at a location walking distance away from the therapist's office.

Just so you know. Be STRONG!

Yeah - his phone will have to be surgically removed at some point. I really just want to tell him that if he is so "done" and is seeing someone else then he should just go ... but I know that isn't the right choice. I want to fight for it, but it gets harder and harder by the day. I need some encouragement, but he leaves no room for hope these days. And I just found out that he is spending our anniversary with that girl!

Not another thing!?! I don't think I can take anymore! Turns out he has withdrawn $250 from OUR bank account yesterday and today. He brought the other to my attention asking about it, like he didn't know!?! I told him that I hadn't checked the account, so he took out another $250 today!?! But there is no explanation for it? What do I do?

Tonight was interesting ... I was super-nice today and it apparently drove him nuts! I came home and we had pleasant conversation. Then he had to go to work, we talked on the phone on his way. He said a lot of really nice things to me and had me thinking that things could actually get better. Then I checked his IM logs. Not good. The out of town girl and he had quite an interesting conversation! It was entirely inappropriate! So he LIED! 1. He said that he hadn't discussed our M with her ... he did. 2. He said that what's so difficult about my A was what was said in emails, not the physical part - well, his IM to her was certainly comparable! AND ... he is staying with her next week when he goes there. OMG! If he wanted to get even, I think he has.

Every time I think that things can turn around, I find out something like this ...

And why was this not addressed during MC??? I specifically noted his behavior as questionable ... why was his RA behavior not addressed during our session with the Harleys??? I trust that they know what they're doing, but to let this all continue is just insane!

what is ra?

I would think they would have discussed it. Are you sure they didn't?

Not certain ... but he didn't leave much out when we talked about the session.

RA = revenge affair

They need to get him to buy into counseling first. If they went right after his behavior, he would be gone. This is lie fishing you know. You have to present the bait just right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, things change, affairs end, and OPPORTUNTIES present themselves.

God Bless,

JL

Well, it worked ... he actually loved talking with him and said that their methodology is really great. So, he's bought into the therapy, we'll see how next session goes and if he does his homework.

continue your plan a. not just for him but for you too.

during my plan a instead of looking at my h as the enemy/ alien, i saw him as the man i dated, the one i loved to do things for, the one that i wanted to spend all of my time with, the one that i liked to flirt and tease, the one i fell in love with... even though he technically wasnt he kind of still was and he was receptive to it so it kind of worked.

Great idea! I think I can do this! He is flirtatious with me these days, so that has been fun. I find myself getting butterflies in my stomach when he gets close (like we might kiss). These are great signs. It is just hard to let these things override the other stuff that I know. I am going to need some serious inner-strength!

you find it, its there, you have all the inner strength you need.

We'll see ... I will just Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. Let's all pray that it does some good.

just so you know, i dont do any of this blindly... i Know what is going on, i Know what he is doing and i am protecting myself by not getting butterflies. oh, we still have fun and do things together - spend 15 hours a week Minimum doing fun stuff, etc. i Expect him to come back to me, i Expect him to stop the A, part of me Accepts that it mey not end.

You are much stronger than I ... I have let myself get sick (so to speak) on this roller coaster ride. I never had my A to end my M. I failed to protect myself from being vulnerable. I think his [alleged] RA is out of spite and to see what else is out there. This morning he asked me what I would do if I were in his shoes. I can't answer that, because I'm not him. I suggested that he take some time alone (meaning w/o the influence of his friends and other women) to really think this through. I reminded him that I am willing to do whatever it takes to save our M and that I am working hard to gain the tools that I need to prevent this from ever happening again. Someone said he may be having his [alleged] RA b/c he sees the relationship as over ... if he saw it as over, then he wouldn't still be questioning what to do, would he?

Well, we had a talk tonight. Long story short, I told him that I understand that he doesn't want to work things out and I'll respect his decision. I told him that I am willing to do whatever it takes to work on the M if that is what he wants. So, he is moving out for a while. He needs to decide what he wants. It was very emotional. I'm not sure what will happen. I can only pray that he will come back to me.

So we're separated? And my dog died today ... sad sad sad day.

First of all... as an care taker to three loving labs, you have my sympathy.
As far as your H goes, I am sorry about this. Do not think this needs to be the end though. Let's see what tomorrow brings. When people are hurt and wounded, they say a lot of things... let's see what happens.

It was really hard ... the dog & my H. I am not giving up hope for our M, but this is certainly a stumbling block.

TFC,I am so sorry!Now we can really relate!Everyone keeps saying don't give up,but it seems to get worse and worse!How can you find strength when there are no steps forward!I am almost positive my H is seeing somebody,or at least talking to somebody cuz he came into my work last night and was talking with one of my girlfriends and she asked him about a wedding he was going to in May where the girl he kissed is going to be and if he was going with her and he said if it happens it happens,if not no big deal!I think that this particular girlfriend knows more than she is letting on,and I sent her a text this morning telling her that I would be really hurt if she knew something and wasn't telling me!I also sent my H a txt reminding him he was a M man and if he wanted to be single or was having an A I deserved to know!No response!I am truly discouraged and feel like giving up!I am so tired of feeling this way!I love my H so much,but he has become someone I no longer know and nothing I do seems to get through to him!