Yep, you could have handled it better, that is for sure. But if he stops contact with the OW, and agrees that he wants to stay married, the problems are still there.

I think you are going to have to have firm boundaries. It might not seem right to some, since you strayed too. But I think one of you needs to start fighting for your family, and you are the one who is posting.

I would let him know that, anniversary or not, you don't care to pretend that everything is fine anymore.