Yes, but it's not only why you gave up can work on moving back to being strong, independent, and reliable by keeping the goal fixed in your mind.

Please note you already are working toward that goal. Being more independent and strong dovetails quite nicely with your “kinda/sorta” Plan A/180 plan, your refusal to accept gaslighting, and the boundaries you developed for yourself before you achieved yesterday’s insight. Your husband's frustration with you not speaking plainly, and his desire for you to stand up for yourself, were the catalysts you needed to bring all this to the forefront.

I think you'll find recovering yourself easier than you suspect because you’ve actually been working on it for a while without realizing it. Additionally, there have been times on this thread when I saw a lot of quiet strength in your words, but that strong-minded, dedicated woman I saw has disappeared from time to time. Don’t let yourself backslide into neediness (perhaps even codependency?) and “bitchiness” now that you’ve identified what you’ve disliked about yourself, okay?

Frankly, based on what she told you last night, a good source of information and valuable discussion into how/why you gave yourself up is that best friend of yours. Also, you can take your conversations with her to your IC to help you explore how you got to the point where you had an affair and how to better understand yourself in general.

It strikes me that next session with SH is going to be jam-packed, isn’t it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep up the good work, TFC.