Well I haven't posted here in forever... but I thought I'd peek in for anyone who remembers my tumultuous saga from last year, and how I finally started getting my junk together.
B and I are still dating. Nearly 7 months now and things are going very well. The "newness" of it all has worn off - as these things do, but we are enjoying each day, one at a time, and I'm very happy with how that is going, and how my life in general is going.
I finally feel like I'm in a healthy relationship. We love each other, enjoy each other's company. He fills my needs without my even needing to tell him what they are - he just seems to know intuitively. From the feedback I receive from him, I think I'm filling his needs too. I can look back *now* and realize that what I thought I wanted a year ago, wasn't sane. It took having some time alone, and working through those issues, with lots of help from the good folks here, to figure out what I really needed was to look after myself and my kids *first*.
That's what I did, and when I wasn't even looking, B came along. We're still taking things slowly, nobody is in a hurry for anything. I like that. We're both on the same page. I do see long-term for us, and he does too, but we aren't rushing to get to the long-term part. We are exclusive - neither of us is the sort to date more than one person at a time. We're both independent - we can get along just find without the other - but we *enjoy* being with one another, and we both feel that our relationship makes a good life even better.
I truly feel that I'm with an equal. Neither one of us has to push, pull or drag the other. In my M I was always the initiator, the organizer, the doer. B and I share those responsibilities. He plans for us to do something, or I do. We're both laid back and easy going. We can plan something ahead, or do something spur of the moment - and we seem to be in sync with each other's moods and such. And we're both flexible. If one or the other feels like going someplace or doing something and the other just isn't into it, that's OK - we adapt and compromise.
We've never had an argument. We've disagreed on a few things, but we're both respectful, and there's always middle ground. That's refreshing - no more "my way or the highway" (and I've been guilty of that in the past).
I can tell him about my day (and vent sometimes!), and he doesn't take it personally. I don't transfer my frustration TO him, I just talk to him about it, and he listens and understands. He does the same - if he's had a rough day, he'll tell me about it, I am sympathetic and understanding, and we'll both feel better to just talk it out and get it off our chest, and move on to something else. When we've had a good day, we'll share our joy about it and each is happy for the other. The good and the bad - we talk about it all.
One of the best and most interesting things, is that even if one of us (or both of us) have had a crappy day, we can laugh about it. The other evening he came over, and he was frazzled from a difficult day - he told me about it, and eventually made a joke about it and before we knew it we both laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face. *That* is so nice - that even when we're grumpy we can find the humor in it. I am that way and I've always tried to be - it's nice to have somebody else that does the same thing, and it turns something negative into something positive.
OK I guess I'm gushing a bit... but after all the junk I have gone through in recent years, I'm just so appreciative to be with someone who understands me, who thinks the same way I do, and whose personality meshes so well with my own.
I know people say that relationships are "hard work" and to some extent that's true - you can't just sit back and put it on autopilot - but when you find somebody who jives well with who you are, and you don't have to pretend to be who you aren't, and you don't have to force things (we know that doesn't work!), it's just so much easier to relax and enjoy life as it happens. It's not "work" as such... it's what I want to do. And B seems to respond in kind.
The other night he came over and fixed supper for us. DD15 was out at an extracurricular activity, and when she got home, she was very impressed at B's culinary skills. She told me she boasted to all her friends about it! DS13 likes joining us for geocaching or gold panning... we have fun outdoors and get some exercise. I still work long hours, but I've learned to make the most of the bit of time off that I do have. Instead of hanging around the house, we get out there and do stuff. Having somebody else that also enjoys doing stuff and helps with the "grunt work" involved is nice. The kids and I do stuff anyway, but having another adult to help with some of the responsibilities from time to time makes it easier to do more, more often.
XH is still around - doing his own thing, still helps in the shop and he and B actually get along quite well when they see each other. B has lent a hand in the shop from time to time, and XH appreciates it. XH has been helping more where the kids are involved too - spending a bit of time helping DS with his homework and such - good for the kids, and I daresay good for him too. I wish XH would do more around the shop - he is half owner, but I try not to get myself too worked up over it anymore. It is what it is, and I just have to deal with it. I'd still like to sell the shop but struck out with brokers I'd tried to enlist to sell it, so for now I just keep on keeping on - hopefully if/when the economy picks up a bit, we'll find a buyer.
That's all the news from me. Life is good, and it keeps on getting better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />