As to the comments about whether I should be staying or not in this marriage... I totally agree that this is seeming to be who my Wife is... no longer is it just something she has done... and, by the way, it is her 4th affair.

I am not looking to the future of divorce with fear any longer... I am certain of that. I don't like the prospect of it, but there are so many other opportunities out there for me without all the pain and sacrifice.

I am staying firm for 3 reasons.

1... I firmly believe that a good, faithful family is the best scenario for my sons and I will work towards this until I know that everything possible has been done.

2... I do love my W... not my WW. I know there is someone in there that I married and loved worth fighting for. If God turned his back on any of us who betrayed him, ignored him, or forgot him, then where would we be. I don't want to see her ruin her life. I know I can't save her, but I can make it possible that she might have a chance of saving herself.


3. Love is supposed to be unconditional. This is changing in its meaning for me. I have been a doormat and too patient...not acting. But it does not change the fact that I made a vow and will perservere. At some point, I will say enough... I have done everything possible and both God and myself will be pleased with my efforts. But I don't believe I am at that point yet. If I had been tougher the last time, and this is still happening, then maybe I would be ready to walk away. I am standing firm for me.

I have grown so much in the last 2 years and I can see the beginnings of another transformation happening in my attitudes, beliefs, and abilities. I am almost looking forward to this battle... to see a stronger me emerge.

I will have days when my weakness and fears will show through... But they are getting fewer and fewer.

I will perservere.

(ok, was that a little overdone and melodramatic???)