We cannot say for certain that this is an affair marriage ... I counted back from SILs due date and it appears as though she got pregnant within the week of her D. One could then assume that this is the product of an affair, but no one has been so honest about it.
It is our goal to a good example from our own new M. My H and I were both very honest with our families (parents & siblings) about our affairs - having honesty, along with accountability and support helped us turn our M around. We got married very young, very quick, and very pregnant. We can understand (to a degree) what H's older sister is going through in preparing for this new M. While the circumstances surrounding this relationship are questionable, shouldn't we be supportive of this union? As you said - be friends of the marriage?
The demise of the 1st marriage began last year. H & I had found a wonderful new M together and encouraged them to work things through. Unfortunately the ex-H was unwilling to go to MC or make any additional efforts until she asked for the D. We felt that maybe she should have taken him up on it at that time, make one more effort. But she did not.
H called SIL yesterday, asking her why she is in such a hurry and why we didn't know sooner? There were so many different excuses, reasons, etc. She did say that she didn't think we would approve, which is why she waited to tell us.
On the one hand, we want her to be happy and have a successful M. On the other, we suspect this is all the result of an affair and we do not support that.
They have the date and time set. Had we known sooner (when they started planning), we could have planned DD's party earlier in the day. We will not change her party, so we will have to be late if we go.
H's thoughts were "I would be there for the ceremony, but I don't really feel like celebrating it. I'd rather not go if we are only going to make the reception." We are both struggling with our feelings on this so much - wanting to do the right thing, but also feeling like we are being judgmental.
Sorry to ramble on ...
Last edited by TFCchanged4good; 08/15/08 03:27 PM.