Congrats to msHold for taking a step, ANY step, to improve her appearance and confidence....goodness knows you've been punished long enough for her poor opinion of herself. I DO think your reaction was mature and healthy...no small feat given your usual reaction....so feel good about that too. I also think Easy shouldn't apologize for his warning....it IS, as you've acknowledged, a likely and reasonable expectation that she'll use whatever improvements she makes for a future relationship and not for you. People who lose mass quantities of weight, often go just a little bit crazy with the added attention and become very self absorbed. But I get the feeling, and it almost makes me smile, to think you might actually meet that expectation with a little bit of hope, since you wouldn't have to bear the burden/loss of standing with the kids, to end the marriage yourself and seek your own happiness. I think you see this as a way to "get off the hook"...and I can't really blame you for that. I'm not sure how healthy that is....but it sure is handy if you want "out" and are too scared to do it. grin