Originally Posted by holdingontoit
Hmmm, well, I'm not looking to have sex with anyone at this point. And even when I am, I doubt anyone would oblige me. So I don't think you have to worry about me doing so any time soon.

On the other hand, I don't see it as necessarily abusive to have sex with someone despite not caring about them enough to marry them. I understand some people are uncomfortable with premarital sex. But I am fine with it. I didn't say I wouldn't care about someone else AT ALL. Just not enough to commit to marrying them.

I don't think I will be abusive in my next relationship (assuming there is one). Rather, I think I will be extremely gun shy about total emotional commitment. If you see it as abusive to have sex in that context, we can agree to disagree.

Think about what you're saying here HOTI. I know - you probably do think about it quite a bit. Just a figure of speech.

But... What is it you think you want then? An FB relationship? No strings attached sex? Sex with a predefined limit of emotional attachment? Is that something you can get together with a potential partner over a cup of coffee and map out ahead of time?

Or do you play it close to the vest? Not let on just how closed off and withdrawn you are? Let her assume that your feelings for her will grow?

Like your W did with you?

That's what I was getting at. The abuse I was referring to is that inherent dishonesty about where your limitations are and just what your potential partner can accept from you.

I mean really, what kind of half decent, non-enabling, non-codependent woman is going to willingly step into an involvement with you while you maintain this attitude? Anyone who will isn't going to be any better for you than your W. She might give up the hoohah a lot more, but you'll just be trading in for a whole new set of problems.

Why am I, the younger guy who barely squeaked through a city college, telling YOU this???

Know something else? I still think we're enabling you here. I think you're getting some ENs filled by this place, and it's holding you back. At some point, MB has become an addiction for you, feeding a need that you should be getting outside.

"I'm your pusher-man, baby." /Isaak Hayes

My starting point.