Originally Posted by Seabird
But... What is it you think you want then? An FB relationship? No strings attached sex? Sex with a predefined limit of emotional attachment? Is that something you can get together with a potential partner over a cup of coffee and map out ahead of time?

Yes, exactly. Friends but not life partners. No strings. If there aren't any women who want that, then I guess I will do without. I mostly did without for years and years before I got married. I can do that again. Much easier to do without while single than to do without lying next to someone every night.

I am not looking for the "brass ring". I am not looking for deep love or lifetime commitment. FB sounds very appealing at this point.

You are not the first person to suggest I should want more out of life. I am not willing to pay the price for more.

Or do you play it close to the vest? Not let on just how closed off and withdrawn you are? Let her assume that your feelings for her will grow?

No, I won't hide who I am and how I feel. I didn't hide myself from Mrs. Hold before we got married. I told her that I wanted lots of sex and that I have depressive tendencies and that she could expect me to under-perform my educational accomplishments. She just didn't believe me on either count.

I hide my feelings now because I want to stay with the kids. Once that is over, no reason for me to hide anything.

No woman who is not co-dependent will want to be with you

You are correct. No woman who is "together" is going to want me while I remain so damaged. I realize that now. You may see that as motivation to fix my damaged psyche. I just see it as reason to be on the lookout for something dark inside I haven't seen yet - because if she is willing to date me, it must be down there somewhere.

Ignoring that reality is what happened to Mrs. Hold and me. Neither of us could believe the other person was willing to "settle" for us. We were blind to the reality that something that seems "too good to be true" probably is - and to the dark secrets buried inside both of us.

In the future, I will not be blind to the likelihood that I am only seeing the tip of the iceberg. That will keep me from committing. And from knowing the joy that others report feeling from a truly intimate relationship. But it will also keep me from receiving a gash "below the waterline" that causes my ship to sink.

When you can see it coming, duck!