Originally Posted by Seabird
Not even when you graduated from law school? I'm just wondering if it's been so long since you've tasted "chocolate", you forgot how good it could be.

Maybe. Hard to remember. I was disappointed at the time that I did not get elected to be a class representative. My Mom had broken her leg a few days before graduation. And I had the bar exam looming over me. I don't remember being elated. Maybe it is so long since I felt happy that I can't remember what it felt like.

It felt like a "win" when we got married. That feeling lasted literally until about midnight of our wedding day when Mrs. Hold got mad at me for going downstairs to see if there was a bottle of champagne available. I returned to find her in the hallway slumped on the floor crying that I had abandoned her. You know how that story ends.

I was pleased to make partner at my old firm. But we had started MC a few months earlier. Things were really bad with Mrs. Hold. So while I was pleased to make partner. It ended up being a pay cut for the first year. And my life was not happy at the time. I don't remember feeling victorious. Plus it was tainted by the reality that I had been partner with the guy in Florida who kicked me out 6 months later (the week before S14 was born) because he saw how much money we were making and he didn't want to share any of it with me. So partnership didn't feel "real". It always felt like something that could be taken away at a moment's notice.

What about when you started running? No sense of accomplishment? No feelings of, "Wow! I never thought I could do -that-!"?

Definitely not. In fact, that is exactly what I was hoping running would feel like: a sense of accomplishment. But coming in so far toward the back. Behind EVERYONE. Even the people decades older than me. And being the only person in my training group who did not reach my fundraising goal. No, I felt no sense of accomplishment. I finished the race in pain and felt like a failure. The process felt like more confirmation that I am a loser who will never accomplish anything.

Understood on the name. It's not the relationship connotation. Those other two terms just sound silly to my ear.

Me too. Esp the hoti. But hold fits. I am holding on tight to all my fear, frustration and resentment.

When you can see it coming, duck!