You are a good guy, Hold. You've done all of the "right" things, you're a decent family man who loves his kids (great kids, too!), and you've asked for so little out of life. You go to work every day, you give everything you have to your family, your patience with Mrs. Hold is legendary.

I've only heard you yearn for one thing over all of these years, and that's a little attention. You shouldn't have to beg for that, not a man who gives as much as you do.

I tell you, Hold--now this wife of yours has taken your clean bill of health, and that is just amazingly f'ed up (pardon my lack of ability to be more delicate here.) I can see it now, she's baiting you with your monthly sex, but the poor dear feels dirty when you protect yourself with a condom.

I've been thinking about this and you all evening since you wrote that. I've discussed it with L, the light of my life. I can't believe how much damage your wife has done to a good, loyal man. F your depression, F your "dark underside", F all of the bull she's made you feel. You told the truth, and contnue to do so. She has not and does not.

She has taken just about everything you can take from a guy.
I know you forgive her, but that is testament to your big heart.
What she has done to you over the years is egregious, loathesome, and unforgivable. SHE is the bad guy here. I'll never see it any other way, my friend.