Hey Sis, is that you? I was very sad most of my wedding day. I slept at my parents' house. Late morning my mom and sister left to spend the day with all the ladies getting their hair and nails done, makeup, etc. My dad left too, I think to play golf with his buddies. My guy friends were staying at the hotel where the wedding reception was. I called a couple of them. No answers. So I spent the day alone. I remember feeling very lonely.

Yes, I know that was my choice. I could have made plans with my friends. I could have driven to the hotel and looked for them. Or I could have chosen to be thrilled that it was my wedding day. So yes, I guess I chose to feel sad and lonely.

Thanks for the slap. You are right. I should do something. I will e-mail my buddy who was going to get me a second opinion about my personality disorder. But I doubt it will make any difference. Neither will mood altering drugs. They are like candy for me - they make no difference. I am simply too comfortable and get too much of a payoff from choosing to be miserable for talk therapy or drugs to have any impact.

I am going to push again for ECT. Sooner or later I will find someone to shock me.