I'm a list writer, in fact I found a letter from camp last night I wrote at age 11 and my comments were numbered! What if you describe your anger feelings in writing as a means to deconstruct them? Not debate if they are legitimate or second guess yourself. What does it feel like? Just the feelings, not replaying the facts in your head again. The happy ending is not linear.

I agree that anger festers. High five for recognizing a bottleneck before it explodes and derails progress. You can't artificially continue a second honeymoon, keep a smiley face who kisses bye bye and dismiss your feelings. The question is whether you diffuse this on your own or if you expect her to help you get through it. What do you need her to do? Write it down and tell her. You need validation and she needs hear it was not alright.

What have you done in your life to resolve strong inner conflict successfully at work or with other family members other than wait it out? You get to choose how to manage these feelings but the underlying hurt discussion and validation can't happen if you are screaming. That's be step 2.

How about writing about it in a journal? By yourself. You can't sunami your next counseling appointment and undermine the recommitment and progress with the counselor while wife appears shocked and embaraassed. I hear you saying you need to deal with this NOW.

The last piece of advice may sound ridiculous but I did it by accident, and its become my trademark. I congratulate myself for getting through this day out loud in the mirror, not measuring how well I handled things or how good/horrible I feel or question how I should feel. I tap the counter 3 times to punctuate the moment. It helps me celebrate a daily milestone. Then I write.

For me, new symbols or rituals always give me solice, a concrete ok, one minute of no swirling durbish. What I found was that this ritual became a habit I could rely upon, not caught up in religion or deep thought or needing to express how you got here. Tap, tap, tap. I started to look forward to it.

Remember, you own the feelings and are looking at new ways to redefine your next chapter. Hope that helps.