It has been six weeks since I found out about W's A. Since that time I have visited this site several times to help me make sense of this mess. From many of the responses, it sounds like what I'm going through is fairly normal, but I have decided to post an entry and hopefully get some affirmation. Apparently, W's A started about 8 months ago. I will not go into the details of why I believe she betrayed me, because for the purpose of this message it really isn't relevant. Suffice it to say for many of our 17 year marriage, particularly the past couple I was not meeting here EN.
She has decided to try and make our marriage work and is no longer in contact with OM. We have started seeing a counselor, which is helping us both understand why this happened. Currently, we are both working very hard at jump starting our relationship and strengthening the marriage. We are probably more in love with each other now than we ever have been. However, we both have huge fears of what the future will bring. She fears I will return to the way I was prior to the A not meeting her EN. I am trying to reassure her that I realize my previous shortcomings and have changed and the change is sincere and will last. My fear is despite all the effort I put into meeting her EN and make the marriage work, it wont be enough and she will return to OM. Any suggestion on how we work through this?
That's the first part. Part 2 deals with my recovery or lack of. Even though we have a very strong relationship right now, I can't get over the pain, hurt and resentment of what she did. I find myself constantly thinking about them together and her loving OM both physically and emotionally. Whenever, I talk to her about it, it makes her very uncomfortable. She has been open and honest and told me most of the details of the A (probably more than I needed to know). Therefore, I don't see it as being very constructive to keep on bringing up the past which stirs negative feelings in both of us. On the other hand, if I keep holding it in, I'm afraid it's going to eat me up. I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours since I found out and its affecting my performance at work and my relationship with our daughter (she knows about the A).From reading several of the other posts, it sounds like these feelings may continue for a year or two. I don't know if I can cope with that. Are there any ways to block out the negative thoughts and just move forward? Any feedback would be much appreciated