Originally Posted by Neak
Cher, I can understand how you have come to your beliefs about WS's, and even FWS's.

For me personally, the obsession with the OW had to do with not wanting to face that the man I married could have acted in such a way. Of course, there are women out there who will have an affair with a man with young children. There are lots of people out there who have no morals or such weakness of character as to have an affair.

The fact is you married a man who has no morals or weakness of character. When you are able to face that fact, you'll realize how totally irrelevant it is that he had an affair with this married coworker with young children vs. that married coworker with young children.

A person of strong character would not set aside his value ssytem and moral fiber in order to justify the crime he was commiting.

You may very well have married a person of weak character. He may have always been that way.

Where our views differ is whether this represents ALL waywards and former waywards, or even a majority of them. I don't believe it does.

For most waywards, the A is a temporary aberration of what used to be a good character, and what can be a good character again.

In the case of your husband, I would still consider him a wayward. The absence of an active affair does not grant him the right to wear an "F'. He is still totally steeped in his wayward mentality, has not repented or made any amends, and thus is still just another WS.

Sorry to all FWSs, but this is like saying, someone who murders is not a murderer. In my world integrity and strong moral fibre are defined by keeping your commitment (or vows) and being honest. By that definition, a FWS has weak character by definition.

H&S, this is a slap in the face of all good and repentant FWS's, and especially the ones here. They know they can never undo what they did, and yet find new strength and courage to rebuild themselves, often their marriages, and give generously of themselves to help others who are hurting.

Just as there is a difference between someone who murdered someone once, and a serial killer or assassin who murder people as a way of life, there is a big difference between your basic WS/FWS and a serial cheater, for example.

Of my many FWS friends here, they were all good people before, gave themselves over to evil for a while, and reclaimed their good character after learning some life-shattering lessons. I am proud to know them, and I am proud to be married to my husband - a good man of strong, Godly morals.

I'm saddened that you are unable to see the beauty and strength in the life of a repentant FWS.

Great post.

During my A- I was certainly of weak character- I was just plan weak.

Do I think that one act ruins my character for the rest of my life?? Certainly not.

Before my A no one that knew me would ever say I was of weak character. I was born again Christian, Sunday School teacher, and someone who has never even cheated a cashier out of extra money or cheated on my taxes! I really lived my values- it was not a front- it was not me not showing who I truly was. But yet, I had an affair.

Now for me years later I would say that my character is strong. I would never have another affair. I do not come to this website for myself, I come here to help others if I can that are going through what I've been through. Many of the other FWS- and I don't know them at all- but to name a few- Kiwi J and Mrs. Wondering? Well it's just hard for me to accept that someone who has spent so much time helping others is of weak character because years ago they had an affair. I'm certain that their spouses do not feel that way either.