Originally Posted by holdingontoit
You mean she would give ME compliments? Oh, well, she does that from time to time. Problem is, I don't care. I don't want compliments. I want sex. And I want her to get a job and help pay down the credit card balances.

I'm rewriting the rest of your reply (and no, wasn't about her giving you compliments, btw) as if your W were saying what you said about sex:

Sex from him are not "rocks in the river" to me. They are grains of sand in the river. They don't pile up to make a bridge. They get washed down stream.

I understand that is partly about my internal dialogue. When he says he wants sex from me, my internal reaction is "yeah right". Or maybe "so what". I don't feel thankful for the sex. I feel like it is either a lie. Or besides the point. If he really thinks I'm sexy, desirable, acting out his love by making love to me, then he should show his appreciation by telling me, talking to me, giving me the feeling we are allies instead of enemies...and because of this, I see sex with Hold like sleeping with the enemy. If he doesn't want to share his thoughts and opinions with me, honestly, I don't care whether he thinks I am sexy, desirable.

After all, plenty of people I've run into in my weight loss group, at the gym and the store think I'm sexy, look terrific...others do want to jump my bones, too--but that still leaves me feeling used and an object to Hold...since that is what I'm used to telling myself in my internal dialogue.