I am here because this is part of how I medicate my angst from continually making stupid choices.

This is going to impact my kids no matter what. No way to insulate them. I am aiming for "by the time you guys divorced, we wished you had done it sooner". From what I have read of the studies of divorce and children, that tends to produce marginally better outcomes than the kids who wished their parents had stayed together. Still, it is a crap shoot no matter what you do. No way to predict how divorce will impact any particular child.

Look, in a tiny corner of me I still hold out hope that Mrs. Hold and I will reconnect. I am not willing to make any effort in that direction today. But maybe tomorrow I will be. Every year my sex drive declines. Maybe at some point it will fall so low that I stop wanting sex. Maybe then I will be able to let go of the resentment. Who knows.

If I were forced to make a move today, it would be to Plan D. Hence I refuse to move off the fence. Maybe some day I will choose to Plan A again. Maybe some day when the kids are closer to leaving I will be willing to have an honest talk with Mrs. Hold about what it would take for me to re-engage. For now, I do not feel safe entering into negotiations because I am unwilling to walk away. I need to be wiling to leave. Otherwise my negotiating position is fatally compromised.

Hopefully, she will put up with my withdrawal until then. If not, I will probably regret not doing more at this time. Then again, I have so many regrets I may not even notice another.

When you can see it coming, duck!