Originally Posted by mamma23
So your wife still refuses SF with you? Good. IMPO, as long as you think you're entitled to it, I hope she continues to refuse.

Exactly. Couldn't agree more. Given how I feel about her, it would be wrong for her to have sex with me.

And yes, I see the irony. What she needed from me earlier in our marriage was to remove the pressure for sex. Out of love. To give her time and space to heal. And to show her that I loved her regardless.

Now I have reached the place I needed to reach. No asking for sex. No expecting sex. Only one problem. I am not offering that out of love. I am offering it out of anger and frustration and resentment. And while I have removed the overt pressure for sex, I have also removed the caring and the concern and the love.

We might have thought that I have accomplished the hard part. Removing my expectations of sex. And that, having gotten here, it would be easy to offer the love part. But it isn't. I feel like a wimpy doormat if I offer her loving gestures. Such a shame. So close. And yet so far.

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You need to change. Period.

Agreed.

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I know I sound terrible, but the quicker your marriage goes down hill, the closer to happiness you will both be. Why do you wish for your marriage to rot - with both of you in it. How cruel Hold.

Does not sound terrible. Sounds accurate. I was planning on posting something along these lines today. Was thinking on the drive to work how stupid I am being. Thank you for beating me to it.

Mrs. Hold looked at me very lovingly as I walked out the door to work today. I realized what a tragedy it is that I cannot get over my resentment and bitterness. Then again, the loving looks partly come from newfound respect that I can "resist her charms". So far I have not found a way to resist her OTHER than through resentment and bitterness.

When you can see it coming, duck!