No, I am not expecting sex. I am expecting to stay married to her without sex. Which I hate. So I post here to deal with the reality that I am choosing to remain in an unpleasant situation. I strive to achieve acceptance, which eludes me. I am making the choice to stay despite the drawbacks. But I am not choosing to make the best of the situation.

I post here because I am not pursuing happiness. I am not working toward a positive goal. I am working to maintain a bad situation out of fear the alternative might be worse. I am staying to maintain contact with my children because I fear I would choose to withdraw from them upon divorce. I am staying to prevent particular kinds of harmful experiences to my daughter (while recognizing that the example we are setting is a poor one). And I am staying to prevent the outcome that divorce would result in Mrs. Hold being happy and me being miserable.

That is my essential dilemma. I am not trying to achieve happiness for myself. Hence no actions will avail me. Some here may think that seeking happiness would motivate me to reconnect with Mrs. Hold. But instead it would motivate me to leave her. Of course, that is based on my view of the situation and the odds of various outcomes. Which, given what a messed-up nut-case I am, is probably quite warped.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all choose actions that pursue happiness for yourselves, your families, and your communities.

When you can see it coming, duck!