It is very, very hard, in a limited medium like this, to truly be able to walk in another's shoes. It's hard to completely understand the dynamic and context of that other person's life. We have our own filters and perceptions colored by our own experience. That being said, I understand completely Hold's dynamic because I've been there at one time in my life.

I'll repeat that the past is dead. We can extract value from the past in what was good and what we would want to avoid in the future. Other than that, no debts from the past can ever be repaid in full. Therefore, harboring resentments is self-defeating and dysfunctional and serves no purpose to deliver you from yourself or the unhappy world you've constructed for yourself. One thing I learned from my divorce that the very reason we are here right now is solely by our personal choice and often we choose unwisely. Your fate is your personal choice. You picked a non-complimentary partner, again your choice, and unwise it appears. You can continue to choose unwisely for yourself and this is in turn reflected in your wife choices and the choices made by your children. You'll leave them a legacy of unwise choices as their life-template and they will in turn execute unwise choices based upon the paradigm you've established for them in the practice of your life. Your all in a negative-feedback loop and until you embrace the thought that repeating the same processes and expecting a different result is highly non-production, the negative-feedback loop will remain in place.

I understand you all to well and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will take a total disruption of your life to effect any possibility of positive change. Your fear will make you risk-adverse to that level of change. It was enormously painful for me to undergo that process but it saved my life. It boils down to whether or not you want to live your life. Again, your personal choice.

Free will cuts both ways.

Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.